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Posts Tagged ‘Sex and the City’

Words Are Like Bullets Vol. 1

Posted by evankessler on July 9, 2009


Words are like bullets.  They kind of hurt your ears when you hear them.  Sometimes if they’re too close, they hurt your brain; pierce it even.  Earlier today, I was prompted via a gchat conversation to discuss words that I hate.  These are those words and why I hate them.

1. Hubby- A common term of endearment for women referring to their husbands who assume that you will find the word just as endearing and as cutesy-wootsy as their husbands are to them.

2. Lover- There is nothing tender about this word.  It immediately brings to mind the person wielding this word engaging in carnal acts with the person to whom they have applied this tag.  It very rarely fails to ignite a gag reflex.

3. Random- “Random” suddenly became the most popular word in 1996, around the time the Dave Matthews Band became the most popular band.  Coincidentally, this word was uttered most by fans of the band.  As in: “I was at this random ‘Dave’ show when I randomly ran into this random kid I went to Summer Camp with.  It was so random.”  Actually, it’s not.  You’re both douchebags at the show of a band mostly appreciated by douchebags, there’s nothing “random” about it at all.

"They Played The Most Random Setlist At This Dave Show.  It was Amaaaazing."

"They Played The Most Random Setlist At This Dave Show. It was Amaaaazing."

4. Amazing- I find “amazing” to be the excited verb of the unimaginative.  A few years back I went to Europe with several good friends.  One of the people who accompanied us on the trip wasn’t terribly gifted at expressing his dumbfoundedness at the wondrous sights we were seeing for the first time, that previously had only been as near as photographs in books and on the still fledgling world wide interweb.  Upon arriving at each landmark this person tended to express his overwhelmed nature often (if not always) declaring that what we were seeing was “AMAAAAAAZING!”  When we would encounter new people and they’d ask how certain things were he might describe it as, “the most AMAAAAZING thing” he’d ever seen or just with a simple retread of this highly descriptive word.  It got to the point where everything was “Amazing”:  The food, the sidewalks, our bathroom, Salzburg. You get the picture.  Everything was amazing even if it wasn’t.  It seemed as though he wanted everyone to be jealous of the most amazing things that he had done even if was just take a dump, which I admit can be at times, Amazing.  Since this trip, I haven’t completely sworn off the word, but I reserve it for instances in which I am truly “amazed.”

5. Gotcha- I’m not referring to the Sarah Palin-ized version of the word attached to the word “journalism” (though that is annoying),  nor am I referring to this word’s usage as a title of a quite non-quintessential  1980’s film.  This word is more or less the tool of people who sort of pretend like they know what you’re saying, though they obviously don’t care.  The use of “gotcha”is more or less proof that anything you’ve said has gone in one ear and out the other.

6. Splurge- This just sounds like something the Sex and The City girls do on every shopping trip.

7. Dungarees- This just reminds me of being nagged.  I can hear each syllable coming from my mom’s mouth with that hard g just holding on a little bit too long, “put on some dung-ga-rees.”  Really any longer word that has “dung” in it is not very pretty.

8. Husky- Not in reference to the breed of dog.  I just find this word demeaning to fat children.  As someone who had to frequent husky sections when searching for dress clothes as a child; there’s nothing more pejorative than the thought that adults are trying to trick you into thinking you’re not fat by using a word that reminds you of a cuddly, snow-loving dog.  It’s as if minimal effort is being taken to ensure that the  process of finding a suit jacket that  fits your pudgy frame does not render your self-confidence moot.

9. Blog- I prefer the word “site.”  It’s much more aesthetically and aurally pleasing.  The word blog sounds like digital vomit.  “How’s your blahhg?”

Well, seeing as this site is widely considered a “blaahg” this is a good place to stop.  There are plenty more words of which I disapprove, though they’re not all fresh on the brain.

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Sex and The City Pre-Re-View

Posted by evankessler on May 30, 2008

About a month and a half ago I took a constitutional down to Smith Street here in Brooklyn to take in a screening of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Before having the chance to revel in this splendid comedy, I was treated to a bevy of the usual previews. None of them I remember so vividly as that of the long awaited big screen version of HBO’s much loved “Sex and The City” series. The Cosmopolitans, The Comradery, the clothes, the sluttiness, the general uninteresting chatter about relationships…yes all of elements to HBO’s hit series were there. What amounted to a cringe-worthy two minute and thirty second commercial for Summer’s Eve sans product placement had me dreading it’s release. I figured if there was ever a good film atmosphere to hit on the type of girl I would never ever want to date, this would be it.

Now faced with opening day, my worst fears have been confirmed. Nearly every female I know and admire is agog at the prospect of seeing Carrie, the slutty one, the bland one, and the one who ended up being a lesbian in real life, take to the big screen as they figure out if Carrie wants to marry the handsome douchebag who was much more appealing on “Law & Order”. As if 94 episodes over the span of six years wasn’t enough to figure this out, now they have to waste another 5 to 6 episodes worth of time to dwell on the same thing and face the same problems that they’d been facing all long and maybe even wrap up a storyline or two by killing someone off.

So how do I plan to combat the $400 million opening weekend juggernaut that Sex and The City is sure to provide the film industry. First off, you couldn’t pay me in sex to go see that movie. You could however, pay me in sex to loiter around afterwards and talk about how emotional it was or how the funniest part was the line about Charlotte not shaving down there

I could totally sell it with the little knowledge I gained from the trailer and pretend like I just saw the film in an attempt to pick up a woman who might just fancy herself a Samantha, if you or even I know I mean. Or perhaps I’ll spend the weekend partaking in the big sausage fest that every single bar in New york City is sure to be. Actually, I think I’m just going to do my manly duty and barbecue…sigh…

Oh…one last thing…I’m not sure if anyone caught “The Daily Show” last night but I found this Sex and The City bit at around the three minute mark of the Samantha Bee piece to be one of the funniest things I’ve seen on the show in awhile. Check it out:

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