Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Posts Tagged ‘Presidential Election’

Vote for OneRiot!

Posted by evankessler on February 18, 2009

Dear Friends, Family, People Whom I May Not Know But Would Welcome Into My Ever-Loving  Good Graces At The Drop Of A Hat,

On November 4th you voted and made your voice heard.  Didn’t it feel great?!?!  The world changed because of you.  Now, I ask you to relive that wonderful feeling…that voting feeling.  While you may not be putting your voice and future on the line by voting for a great man…you can vote for a great blog.

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been writing for a blog called OneRiot since mid-November.  Just recently it was announced that this blog, this OneRiot, was nominated as a finalist in the People’s Choice category for Best Blog at the 12th Annual SXSW Web Awards.   I don’t think I’ve been part of an award-winning anything since 1989 which makes this extra exciting news.

So without any further ado…I urge you to attempt to make my champagne wishes and the site’s caviar dreams come true by heading over to the SXSW Web Awards site and voting for OneRiot as your choice for best blog.  Just follow the prompts and let your click be impressed upon the vote tallying committee and if all goes according to plan, when the winner is announced on March 15th I’ll have something to celebrate.  If not, I’m defriending you all on facebook.
Vote OneRiot!
So remember…don’t be total dicks…Vote Oneriot!
Love (or “Sincerely” depending on how I feel about you),
Evan J. Kessler


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Presidential Election Perspectives

Posted by evankessler on November 4, 2008

Since 1936, the outcome of a football game has rather accurately predicted the results of the Presidential election.  Save for 2004, each time the Washington Redskins have won their game prior to the election the incumbent party has stayed in power, while a loss has meant a party power transfer.  Last night the Washington Redskins lost 23-6 to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

While we are not yet sure if the 2004 result is the anomaly in this trend or if it’s the new norm, the team’s starting Cornerback has an interesting take on this whole election business.  For his unique perspective on this tendency for the Redskins to serve as Presidential Predictor I present to you the sage words of Carlos Rogers.


Carlos Rogers: Cornerback and Wisdom Monger

“Hey, like a lot of people said, one president gonna stick it up your butt, the other one’s gonna stick it further in the butt, so it don’t matter, man. Whatever happens, happens. That’s something we can’t control.”

Wise words indeed. Carlos and the Redskins alone, may not be able to control it America, but you can.  So if you haven’t already.  Go out there and vote.

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The Non-Sequitir News for 10/24/08

Posted by evankessler on October 24, 2008

I’m getting the sneaking suspicion that the poll numbers in my particular district of Brooklyn are being unfairly skewed in favor of Presidential Candidate Barack Obama.  As I walked in front of the school on 7th Avenue and 1st street in the neighborhood yesterday, one fifth grader asked me who I planned on voting for.  I told him, Barack Obama.  One block later another child asked me the same question.  I notified said child that I had just told the other child a block before, to which he replied, “It doesn’t matter.”  I confusedly replied Obama and walked on feeling that in the end the numbers were going to be off a little bit due to my double poll response. I think the lesson here is if 5th graders are in charge of polling across this nation, look for things to be a lot closer than you think on election day.

Yesterday I received an N.R.A. belt buckle in the mail that I bought off of ebay.  For some reason I was not surprised that when I opened the package it smelled of cigarette smoke.

I bought two yards of fake fur at a fabric store in the garment district.  I then hunted down a bear and skinned him just to compare the two samples.

This has been the non-sequitir news for 10/24/08.

Posted in Brooklyn, Ebay, Internet, non-sequitirs | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The KKK Took My Newspaper Away

Posted by evankessler on October 16, 2008

This weekend in Ada, Oklahoma several subscribers to the Ada Evening News received their local gazette wrapped with newsletters from those lovely racists at the KKK.  Quite unsurprisingly the content of the infamous flier discusses how the hate group does not support Barack Obama for the position of President of the United States.

Now, of course I understand the issue of readers not wanting to receive the bigotry-fueled rants of hate mongers in their newspaper and I understand that the newspaper doesn’t want their paper afilliated with the Klan, but as long as the periodical can clear themselves of any wrongdoing, I find something inherently funny in the situation that occurred.

First let me state uniquivocally that I am no fan of racial intolerance, I think it’s society’s own version of the extremely rich, wicked great-great grandmother who makes you wait on her hand and foot and just won’t die, but you know  when she finally does will leave her fortune to the cat. In other words, nothing good ever comes from either of them.

The thing that makes me laugh about the situation is that the dolts at the KKK are wasting their money and presumably valuable time they could be using to spread hate in aol chat rooms or stroking their Nazi paraphernalia to spread the most obvious message they could.  “The Ku Klux Klan Does Not Endorse Barack Obama For President.”  As if any person in Ada, Oklahoma was wondering if the KKK would be throwing their support behind the black guy or the white guy.

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Poll Positions

Posted by evankessler on October 16, 2008

In times of Presidential Election it seems as though every media outlet has a poll. I wouldn’t exactly consider this here website a media outlet, though I am semi-technically Jewish…so I guess it officially qualifies as one. That being said, I have been discussing politics a lot lately, and I don’t necessarily trust CNN, CBS, Gallup, FoxNews or Quinnipiac University results because of that pesky “margin of error” thing. Therefore I figured should host my own Presidential Poll, because I think if there’s a truly diverse sample of Americans it’s the people who read this site. Also, WordPress just added the option of putting a poll on my blog, so I decided to make use of it.

So without any further ado:

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A Dog Eat Dog World

Posted by evankessler on October 14, 2008

Chihuaha x Paris Hilton = Please Help Us Canada

Chihuaha x Paris Hilton = Please Help Us Canada

I’m not quite sure what this fascination is with talking dogs, but it seems after 2 weeks filmgoers are still captivated by Beverly Hills Chihuahua against all rhyme or reason. The film raked in another $17.5 million this week. Maybe this is all just a bizarre form of escapism from our current economical woes. People probably just want to see dogs talk because they know it’s a lot less real than the prospect of losing everything they own when the volume of the Dow Jones Industrial inevitably reaches zero sometime before Christmas and The Royal Canadian Mounted Police invade the US in order to create the Socialist States of America, handing out health care to everyone who stands in their way.

I’m not really sure I want to live in a country where a movie about a Beverly Hills Chihuahua and a show where Paris Hilton searches for her new BFF are mutually exclusive anyway.  And who’s to say the Canadian takeover didn’t begin long ago.  What with the National Hockey League having been in existence since 1919 and the league’s slow but sure encroachment on into some of our warmer environs; I say the non-hostile gerrymandering of country lines was set in motion well before Pamela Anderson replaced Farrah Fawcett as the standard for pin up models and began to repeatedly marry our rapidly depleting stock of hepatitis c addled drummers.

If John McCain wins the Presidential Election on November 4th, that will be the last straw.  I will outstretch my open arms towards our nanooks to the North, entreating them to join our two nations together.  And if they respond favorably to that moment, I will greet them as liberators, eh.

Posted in Celebrity, economics, entertainment, movies, Patriotism, Politics, Pop Culture | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Surprised As Hack

Posted by evankessler on September 18, 2008

It’s been all over the news the past couple of hours that Alaskan Governor and VP Candidate Sarah Palin’s Yahoo account has been hacked into.  As someone who has had a Yahoo account for just over ten years I don’t see how this comes as a surprise.  Every single day the spam filter on my yahoo account fails to prevent the flood of unsolicited junkmail advertising “Teen Girls Who Really Squirt” or claiming that I somehow won the “IRISH LOTTERY”.

If a spam filter can’t protect from such obvious trash, I don’t think anyone could ever safely assume their personal emails are embedded in an impenetrable wall of code.  Now, couple those telling signs of insecurity with the fact you are a horribly unqualified candidate in the public eye and people across the world, not even necessarily your opponent are hoping to the lord above (that you think created the earth 4,000 years ago) that you never see the inside of the oval office and you have a recipe for a hacking. It also doesn’t help when you have an obvious address such as Gov.Palin@yahoo.com

So, in closing Ms. Palin, next time you use your personal email address to conduct government business to avoid potential subpoenas, you might want to do some research on an email provider.  Oh…and another thing, those large cash deposit emails from a desperate friend that you’ve never met in the Ivory Coast are probably not legitimate ways of subsidizing your state’s economy.

Posted in Politics, technology | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

The Undecided Special

Posted by evankessler on September 17, 2008

The thing that always gets me fired up around election time is the amount of meaningless drivel that gets spewed into the ether by the candidates and their campaign teams.  In TV ads and debates everyone’s so busy telling why the other guy sucks so much that you never really hear anyone’s competence or willingness to fix a problem asserted.  They just know that the other guy can’t do it.  While I think Barack Obama’s campaign initially tried to sidestep this method his campaign has been just as guilty of rolling with the negative as McCain’s crew has, as evidenced by the “Seven” commercial.   I understand that the easiest way to get people on your side is to discredit your opponent, but to attempt to prey on the weak-minded is the eqivalent of treating a nation of constituents with utter disrespect in assuming they don’t understand the issues and therefore cannot make up their own minds.

However, if you are currently undecided as to whom you want to vote for in November and need an advertisement to tell you, maybe you are a weak-minded idiot.  If you don’t know who you want to support between The War Hero with Experience and The Pretty-Folksy “Reformer”  or The Progressive Minded Hope-monger and his Ballsy Veep choice, maybe you don’t deserve to vote.  The differences in their policies are night and day and maybe you should take a night and a day to familiarize yourself with them so you can spare the world your indecisiveness and reconcile your leanings by actually becoming decisive on the matter.

If that doesn’t sound like fun…maybe you can play a fun election game on the internet that will tell you who you should vote for based on a few statements about the issues.  If five minutes of clicking on quotes that you agree with sounds more fun than reading up on the candidates and the issues, you’ll be delighted to know that ABC has a wonderful little tool called the Match-o-Matic to tell you who you should vote for.

My Match-O-Matic Told Me I Should Support Obama!

My Match-O-Matic Told Me I Should Support Obama!

And getting back to the issues. I was actually delighted today by Obama’s new ad addressing the current financial crisis, that instead of harping on McCain’s senility, actually addressed one of the more important issues facing our nation head on.

Isn’t it refreshing to hear someone discuss an issue.

In the meantime, here’s an utterly ridiculous, nothing to do with anything non-issue heavy McCain Campaign ad.

While I have no doubt McCain’s campaign will come out with a more measured response to the Obama ad in the coming days, I’m pretty glad Obama had the chance to play the adult and have the audacity to actually admit that something is very wrong here as opposed to McCain’s insinuation that “the fundamentals of the economy are strong.”

As someone who has had their share of hard times finding employment, this is an extremely troubling time.  It’s my hope that with forty eight days to election day (and my birthday) that the issues start coming to the forefront moreso than John McCain’s years in a VC prison and Barack Obama’s community organizing…all heroic and positive things, but not the things that will ultimately shape our nation.

Before I finish I have one final request of the candidates, even though no one outside the people I know will probably read this.  It’s my hope that during the debates when the candidates are asked that first question of the evening they spare the pleasantries and don’t waste five minutes thanking and naming everyone under the sun who had a hand in putting together the debates.  We get it, you’re thankful that some college or civic center let you have a debate in their auditorium..and we know you love your families but not thanking them for allowing you to skip dinner that night doesn’t make the world any more or less likely to explode under your watch.  Please just discuss the issues.  Thank you.

Posted in Patriotism, Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »