Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Posts Tagged ‘Online Communities’

People I May Know?

Posted by evankessler on November 9, 2010

There’s a weird feeling of invasion of privacy every time I’m on certain Social Networking sites. It doesn’t stem from the fact that people can see what I’m up to or who I’m hanging out with. I like to think I do a pretty good job of keeping the things I want to keep private under wraps. The specific thing that crawls under my skin is when the social networks in question feel the need to suggest who I might want to be friends with or connected to. It’s as if this program is digging through the annals of my personal correspondence to exert influence on my life. I belong to certain social networks because I don’t find them too intrusive and they allow me certain controls, but once they start nudging me with friendship suggestions for people I once tried to buy a Wii from via Craigslist, they’ve ceased to be effective. Then there are those other suggestions where you don’t know where they come from, as evidenced by the screenshot below. Can you guess which one doesn’t belong?

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The Oldest Profession in Social Media

Posted by evankessler on December 3, 2009

On any given day in your twitter stream, you can count on receiving an endless display of minutia, whether some attention hound wants you to know that he is currently walking west on Main Street or taking a moment to rid oneself of bodily waste.  Status updates are the new status symbol and aspiring social media mavens from Hialeah, Florida to Hong Kong can’t seem to give enough day to day play-by-play for their horde of eager and sometimes completely disinterested followers.

The fact that people stop their lives to tell you exactly what they’ve stopped doing in their lives can be absolutely ludicrous depending on just what they’ve brought to a screeching halt.

Recently, an Abingdon, MD man brought his wedding to a standstill in order to update his Facebook relationship status and tweet his knot tying, thereby cementing his status as a social media whore.

So what a social media whore makes?  We here at OneRiot have compiled a list of some of the tell-tale signs…er symptoms that you may be practicing the world’s oldest profession over the Internet.

  • You May Kiss The…- Any historic event in your life that you take time out to turn into a status update rather than enjoy the visceral experience of being there speaks volumes of your digital prostitution.  If something is worth recounting, the story you’ll tell later will be better than the 140 characters you’re currently conveying.
  • Cewebrity- You’re fame is based on your ability to social network. Hello Tila Tequila.

  • “We’re Engaged!”- Instead of telling any of your friends you’re engaged, you just change your relationship status on Facebook.
  • The Menu- Your friends and followers can list all of the meals you’ve eaten in the past two weeks because you’ve tweeted or made status updates about all of them.  The catch is, you’re not a food critic.
  • You Should See A Doctor- One of your followers thinks that the amount of times you go to the bathroom is unhealthy.  This signifies that your followers are aware of how many times you’ve been to the bathroom.
  • I’m So Cool- You’re constantly tweeting about who you are hanging out with, especially if they are celebrities who you are friends with on Twitter.
  • Fail Whale- You have panic attacks when the Fail Whale appears.
  • You Think You’re An Elected Official- Everywhere you go, you proclaim yourself the mayor over twitter until someone else you know on twitter shows up.  If you were the mayor of the coffee shop you’d probably be able to score free drinks.
  • People Have Faces?- You’ve never met any of your friends in person, but you know they’re hilarious because of the online personas they’ve concocted.  For all you know your followers are all convicted sex offenders on house arrest who are hilarious in 140 word bursts.
  • You Wear #85 For The Bengals- Chad OchoCinco maybe a bit of a Tweet freak but he uses his powers for good and is a joy to follow.

There are plenty more tell-tale signs of Social Media obsession.  Unfortunately our character count for this article has r….

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Circle K Goes Viral

Posted by evankessler on September 22, 2009

The current lay of the cultural landscape is littered with several kinds of social media consumers. There are the casual users who are just trying to stay connected; the recreational users who find great entertainment value in the frequent status updates and interactive nature of socializing with those you can’t be near; and then there are the wholly self-obsessed who are convinced that their every move is of paramount importance on a global scale and thus worthy of the other two group’s time.

You can count Indonesian film director Joko Anwar as a member of the latter social “me”dia generation. The director of such films as Pintu terlarang and Dead Time: Kala wielded his sword of net arrogance to more or less make convenience mart Circle K a household name for the first time since Bill and Ted traveled through time from a phone booth outside of one.

Anwar announced via his twitter page that once his followers topped the 3,000 mark, he would be making a rather naked jaunt to everyone’s favorite store named after a shape-enclosed letter– assuming of course that 3,000 people wanted to see him naked buying a bottle of iced tea. The director’s challenge predictably proved the unfortunate fact that there are enough people who are more than willing to encourage such self-aggrandizing, yet wholly desperate seeming behavior. Within minutes Circle K was trending all over the net and Anwar was over 3,000 followers. It used to be people would do anything for a buck, now it’s just for some digital disciples and a soft drink. Unfortunately for Circle K employees, they’ll be seeing a very naked Indonesian film director very soon.

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Shaq Traded Before He Hears Dat

Posted by evankessler on June 25, 2009

In the before time people used to find out all of their vital information via phone calls, subpoenas, or beautifully written and subsequently narrated letters from their significant other in Charleston, South Carolina during times of Civil War. Today, however, we have Twitter, which much like text messaging asserts the pressure to get one’s point across in a finite amount of characters. Yesterday brought such an occasion, when NBA Superstar and certifiable Twitterlebrity @THE_REAL_SHAQ got traded to @cavs.

ESPN had like a 8 min piece on it said its a DONE DEAL you a Cavalier but aint beliving it till the BIG @THE_REAL_SHAQ SINGS.

It seems @THE_REAL_SHAQ was not aware of said transaction until @allonso notified the aging big man, telling him “ESPN had like a 8 min piece on it said its a DONE DEAL you a Cavalier but aint beliving it till the BIG @THE_REAL_SHAQ SINGS.” Shaq responded by tweeting @allonso, “I didn’t hear dat yet.” But indeed the Big Cactus would have to be changing his tune and his nickname as he would find out moments later. Perhaps getting the biggest kick out the whole situation was @DJJTR3Y who twote at the diesel “U CLEVELAND BOUND…shaq found out he was traded thru twitter! lmao….hahahaaaaaa.” Shaq confirmed @DJJTR3Y’s Twitspicions with an “I kno right” over the micro-blogging service. It was quite the to do and now we all feel dumber for having followed it. Oh well, so much for the delicate beauty of the English language.

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Science, Ashton Kutcher Show Twitter for D-Bags

Posted by evankessler on June 3, 2009

Ashton Kutcher at Time 100 Gala

Image via Wikipedia

If you’re anything like us your twitter stream is a constant flow of useful notices.  Whether someone we know is telling us they have a gynecological appointment on Wednesday at 3pm or just that they really enjoy having eggs for breakfast and make more money than us in a week than we make in a year. The informational content is usually rich and makes our lives more fruitful.

Occasionally, though our tweeps bog us down with nonsensical self-important notices about how much they love their car or how awesome their stock portfolio is. While we thought the latter types of messages were in the minority, a recent study by the Harvard Business Review shockingly shows that Twitter is basically a forum for a few d-bags to get together and gloat.

According to their research,”The top 10% of prolific Twitter users accounted for over 90% of tweets.” On other social networks the same top percentage usually accounts for a mere 30% of activity.  A separate study also went on to show Twitter was one of the only social networks where “men are more likely to be “followed” by both other men and by women.”

All of this research is fascinating, but both studies could’ve saved a heck of a lot of time and money by simply noting the phenomenon that Ashton Kutcher has over two million followers on the popular micro-blogging site. Our ultimate recommendation for Twitter is that it change it’s chief inquiry from “What are you doing?” to something along the lines of “What are you doing that actually matters in the context of other people’s lives?”  Wait, how many characters is that?

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