Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Posts Tagged ‘New York Post’

Evan Kessler’s Astrological Forecast for Year #32

Posted by evankessler on November 4, 2010

Sally Brompton of the New York Post has never been this optimistic about my yearly prospects. I can’t say I’m not excited. Things are looking up. Bring it on November 4, 2010 to November or 2011. I’m ready.

Also according to my Google horoscope, my lucky number is 6. Hmm. I always thought it was 7. I guess that would explain several failures to win the lottery.  Glad that got cleared up.

Posted in Birthday | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Borderline Eloquence of The New York Post

Posted by evankessler on June 26, 2009

With yesterday’s sudden passing of world Pop icon Michael Jackson (a.k.a The King of Pop), there was much speculation as to how the classy semi-informational sensationalistic news rag otherwise known as the New York Post would handle the subsequent headline covering the story.  Would they have an attack of tastefulness and write something like “Death of An Icon: Michael Jackson 1958-2009” or would they simply rehash the old favorite, “Wacko Jacko on His Backo”?  Personally, I was thinking they’d go somewhere along the lines of “King of Pop, Snaps Then Crackles” or “Wacko Jacko Moonwalks To Heaven.”   However, when I first walked by a newstand late this morning I was somewhat shocked to see what they had come up with.  It seems the headline geniuses at the New York Post found a way to skirt the line between classy and tabloid without hitting either mark with the following:


I stood at the bold fonted “DEAD” staring me in the face and thought, “Really?  That’s all you’ve got?”  This is not the New York Post I’ve grown to have moderate affection for on a day to day basis, based solely on what terrific pun they’ve come up with on any given Monday through Sunday.  This cover neither wore a tuxedo or lived in a trailer park…it just sort of looked as though it had witnessed a car accident.  Though, I guess in some way shape or form that’s what a lot of America was feeling at the time they heard of Michael Jackson’s death.  So, I guess it perfectly encapsulated the “holy shit” nature of it all.

That being said, I would’ve loved to have been privy to that meeting where whoever engages in the headline discussion tossed out their top picks for the front page, I’m sure there must’ve been some gems left on the cutting room floor.  If only we knew what they were.

Posted in Celebrity, Media, Pop Culture | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Evan Kessler’s Astrological Outlook for Year Number 30

Posted by evankessler on November 4, 2008

My favorite part of the New York Post Horoscopes is the part where Sally Brompton doles out what’s in the stars for the next year for people whose birthday it is.  Every year on my birthday I usually pick up a copy of the Post for the sole reason of reading that nugget of wisdom plucked from the cosmos.  Today I chose to forgo the print edition as the online version was free.  I think I’m normally used to sunny predictions of success and well-being, but this morning Sally’s astrological prognostication seemed to ring of the ominous “six more weeks of winter” tone.

horoscope Nov. 4

In any case, I shall attempt to use Sally’s message as a guiding example for life and how to live it.  Indeed she is correct in noting that I will “need to chose between my future and the past over the next few months.” My only question is November 5th my future now or my past then?  At Sally’s behest I will begin to rid myself of all emotional baggage today.  I am in need of physical baggage, however, as I’m going to Thailand in a little over a month and need a light enough garment bag that I can fit a suit in, but won’t be a hassle to carry around for two weeks.  If anyone has seen such a bag, let me know and I’ll gladly shed some additional emotional baggage so that it might be an easier load to shoulder.

Posted in Astrology, Travel | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Your Job De-PUN-ds On It

Posted by evankessler on October 25, 2007

Now, I don’t know if anyone picked up the New York Post today… but if you did you saw this headline in reference to the Red Sox 13-1 drubbing of the Colorado Rockies in Game 1 of the 2007 world series. I’m not sure who came up with this particular play on words but I imagine he/she’s been waiting all playoffs to use it. Unfortunately, now that that’s been all used up, said staffer will have go back to the clever pun drawing board and hope for other scenarios to play out. With so much pressure for a repeat punformance , I figured I would lighten the burden on the certain staffer’s shoulders by offering up a pun of my own for a particular scenario. So with further ado:

If the Red Sox should take the first three games only to drop Game 4 to the Rockies in Denver, feel free to make the headline:

Rockies Mountin’ Comeback

You can thank me later.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »