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Posts Tagged ‘Michael Jackson’

Did They Ever Cover Blackbird?

Posted by evankessler on April 22, 2010

I was walking home tonight and The Dandy Warhols Welcome to the Monkey House album came on.  Lyrics on the title track proclaimed “when Michael Jackson dies, we’re covering “Blackbird.” I had known about these lyrics, but when I first heard them several years back the thought of Michael Jackson dying seemed so far off that I never even considered it a valid occurrence for at least another 20 to 25 years. So I guess my question is, did the Dandy Warhols ever cover “Blackbird?”

Considering a "Blackbird" cover?

On another note, having a map such as the one in the background of that photo is pretty sweet and I kind’ve want one.  Someone steal one from an institution of learning for me.

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Dying Celebrities, Imma Let You Finish, But Memes Had the Best 2009

Posted by evankessler on December 28, 2009

2009 may come to be known as “The Year of the Celebrity Death.”  The double dose of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett on June 25th made us stop thinking about freeing Iran with our tweets so that we could spend the next two months feathering our hair and trying to perfect our moonwalk in tribute to the King of Pop. Sure, there were a lot of well-known faces who kicked said bucket this year, but in our estimation a year shouldn’t come to be known for all of the sadness it brought.

We here at OneRiot would like to focus on one of the positive or at least non-negative fads that emerged in 2009 that helped define our Internet-obsessed being.  We hereby declare 2009 as “The Year of The Internet Meme.” In keeping with the meme theme we’d like to share with you our top memes of 2009:

25 Things About Me- In the early part of 2009  your Facebook friends decided to give you entirely too much personal information in 25 fell swoops.  They shared hopes, fears, dreams, and embarrassing and most likely incriminating secrets that they’d probably be arrested for revealing, all because some other person sharing too much information tagged them in their list of stuff you shouldn’t give a crap about.  This meme got so out of a hand that even Time Magazine asked their friends to keep some things to themselves.

CD Cover Meme- Around the time the 25 things Meme was dying out, bored people at work decided they needed something else to do.  That thing was create a fictional CD cover. Sounds easy enough.
Step 1. Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random” or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
Step 2. Go to Quotations Page and select “random quotations” or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3. The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.
Step 3. Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days” or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Step 4. Okay, we did it.  Now what?  Do we have to start that band and make that album?  Oh, we just have to tag 1000 more people? No problem.

Imma Let You Finish- All it took was one crazy Kanye speech as he interrupted Taylor Swift at the VMAs and “Imma Let You Finish” became part of the lexicon. It seems within minutes after the September 13th incident this meme took over the world wide netweb.

Keyboard Cat- The original keyboard cat video appeared in 2007, but it wasn’t until February of 2009 that the Keyboard Cat was mixed in with other videos, became a meme…and our lives became all the richer for it.  Play 2009 off Keyboard Cat!

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Garth Preps for Vegas Cowboy Comeback

Posted by evankessler on October 15, 2009

Beyond the Season

Image via Wikipedia

There are some people, that when you see their names trending, you assume to be either freshly dead, the subject of Internet death rumors, or newly accused of a heinous crime. Garth Brooks has been so safely stowed away from the limelight in recent years that his current nature as a trending topic had us fearing the worst and twitter user @LouisaPaxton wondering “Who is garth brooks?”

Rest assured Garthamaniacs, the former Country music megastar is not joining Michael Jackson in that big recording studio in the sky.  Quite the opposite.  The best-selling solo musician in U.S. history has announced that he will be ending his self-imposed nine year retirement and is rumored to be joining the ranks of Wayne Newton and Cher as a Las Vegas performer. So with Garth allegedly set to heat up the gambling circuit for 16 weeks courtesy of the Wynn Hotel & Casino, we here at OneRiot have come up with a list of ten things to expect during Garth’s run on the Sin City strip.

1. Admittedly not big on “social graces” an entire half-hour of the show will be dedicated to displays of Brooks’ bodily functions, burping being the one most prominently featured.
2. There will be barriers between the crowd and the stage, just no fences.
3. A more than uncalled for crowd hushing nightly pantomime re-enactment of the video for “The Thunder Rolls” as performed by a bevy of horribly out of place scantily clad showgirls.
4. The only merchandise available at the show will be Garth’s trademark black and white button down.
5. Opening for Garth Brooks…Trisha Yearwood…and on some dates, Larry The Cable Guy.  On no occasion will Clint Black be appearing.  The two haven’t gotten along since “the incident.”
6. Garth will reserve the front row each night for his best friends, for the sole purpose of not lying every time he sings “Friends in Low Places
7. There will be a giant slot machine on stage that Garth will invite one elderly fan to play throughout the entirety of the show.  If she hits the jackpot she wins the show’s entire gross profits for the evening.
8. Somewhere around the 14th week Garth will do a full week’s slate as his alter-ego Chris Gaines.  After the performances go largely unheralded, failing to achieve any critical or audience acclaim, Garth will return to as his old successful self.
9. In between the set and the encore of every show, Garth will slip on down to the Oasis Resort & Casino about an hour north of Las Vegas to chase his blues away. He’ll be okay.
10. Garth will put on the gosh darn grandest spectacle of a country music show you ever seen.  Mark our words…GRANDEST!

Alright, country music fans.  There your have it.  Time to thank your lucky stars that Country music’s true superstar is back in our good graces.  We expect to see searches for “Great Vegas Travel Deals” trending real soon.

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MJ Alive, Caught on Tape, Probably Working With Elvis

Posted by evankessler on August 27, 2009

Last year’s “Chinese Democracy” album from Guns ‘n’ Roses may have been one of the most anticipated albums in decades, but it pales in comparison to the bubbling excitement over the upcoming release by multi-genre supergroup The Pearly Gates– entitled “Enter The Pearly Gates.” The band has been working hard since 1977 when their lead singer Elvis Presley faked his own death in anticipation of all of the other musical talents he could recruit to fake their own deaths and record, what has long been billed as, the “most important album of all-time.”

While Presley has been laying down initial tracks with the help of Kurt Cobain, Liberace, and Tupac, the final piece of the production puzzle was completed back in July when the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, faked his own death (years after being courted by Elvis through his daughter and MJ’s wife Lisa Marie).  Most people took MJ’s demise for the real thing, what with that impressive memorial service and a handy medical scapegoat, but with the emergence of recent video footage of someone slightly resembling the gloved one emerging from a coroner‘s van, it’s all pretty apparent that the thrones of both the King of Pop and The King are still warm.

While the album might take on an entirely different direction with Jackson’s added melodic sensibilities, it’s still expected to cut across all musical boundaries and transcend dimensions to affect both the dead and the living. Assuming we’re correct about the fact that all of those people involved in the album aren’t actually dead and the video of Jackson getting out of the coroner’s van is valid, expect the album to drop in about 9 years or so– just in time for the 2018 Comeback Special.

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Michael Jackon’s Four-Headed Norwegian Rapper Lovechild

Posted by evankessler on July 23, 2009

Yesterday, we here at OneRiot enjoyed a welcome respite from the constant flood of Michael Jackson news, as for a few brief shining hours, the gloved one ceased to be a trending topic for the first time since his death.  He can thank Erin Andrews and Comic Con for that. Lo and behold, the King of Pop is back in the good graces of that little bar at the topic of our screen that shows just what all of our users are buzzing about.  So why is his late Royal Pop-ness back on the tip of our digital tongues?  Well, in short it’s his children.

In the days following Jackson’s death, the public and the media clamored for the truth about Paris, Prince Michael, and Blanket and whether or not they had the least genetic tie to their iconic dad. Most people figured that MJ was so asexual that there’s no way those kids had a bit of that famous DNA and that he had plucked them off of some perfect little white child baby farm in some well off European country like Sweden, Luxembourg or Monaco.

So it was even more shocking when yesterday it was revealed that Michael may have had yet another talented offspring that he was in all likelihood keeping away from Grandpa Joe– just in case he decided the Jackson Three needed one
more talented kid to put the trio over the top.

Reports from several gossip sites have emerged that 25-year old Norwegian Rapper Omer Bhatti may, in fact, be the product of a one-night-stand between Jackson and Norwegian woman named Billie Jean…err…Pia Bhatti in the mid-’80s. Bhatti was seen sitting with the family with the memorial service during and even spent extensive time at Neverland after meeting his maybe dad on the 1996 HIStory tour.

Bhatti is currently seeking paternity tests to confirm the rumors; and if all else fails, he’ll fall back on his quest to turn
Norwegian rap into a viable musical genre.

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MJ Memorial to Heal the World

Posted by evankessler on July 7, 2009

Michael Jackson's Memorial Service at Staples ...

Image by cattias.photos via Flickr

The world is at a standstill today and Los Angeles is it’s epicenter as close to a billion people worldwide have stopped in their tracks and glued themselves to their television sets or to chairs at the Staples Center to remember one of the great artists of all time with a memorial tribute to Michael Jackson.  Such a momentous occasion is this celebration of the life of The King of Pop that even MTV has got in on the act,  putting a halt to it’s regularly scheduled programming consisting of teenagers getting drunk and trying to hook up with each other indiscriminantly, to join more respectable entertainment outletssuch as CNN and BET to cover the heart-wrenching, celebrity-ridden tribute from the eloquent perspective of Sway.

News coverage has been vigilant to say the least, following everything via helicopter from the private service at Forest Lawn Cemetery to an OJ-style aerial shot of the hearse transporting the body of MJ to the event. It’s pandemonium on a Princess Di level and truly a fitting tribute for a guy who we called a King that was prone to dressing like some sort of Civil War Admiral.

Today, we truly are the world, and we are the children of the music of Michael Jackson. And when this whole damn star- studded thing is over, we’ll have to get back to our normal lives with the knowledge that none of us are “Invincible”, but also
that we must do our part to heal the world and make it a better place– because that’s what Michael would want us to do.

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Jackson Takes Up Jesus and Mary’s Territory

Posted by evankessler on July 6, 2009

Michael Jackson sure did a lot of crazy shit while he was alive. Whether he was showing off utterly insane dance moves or just dangling genetic impossibilities out of a hotel window in Germany, there was no doubt that the King of Pop could also be the “King of Getting Our Attention.”  While it’s been nearly two weeks since MJ has exited our midst stage left, there’s no guarantee he will ever be absent from the public eye or psyche.  Judging by the fact that his name has been trending non-stop since the events of last thursday, it’s almost safe to say that this cultural icon was someone who resonated with society on such a nearly religious level– almost to the point that you would think he moonwalked on water.

So, it almost comes as no surprise that several days after dancing up to wherever a Captain Eo goes after he dies, the King of Pop is still effing with the people he left behind on earth.  There have been several supernatural sightings of the “Gone To Soon” pop star who once pledged that “Heaven Can Wait.” Indeed, he’s trying to stay true to his word, as not only did his ghost swing by a televised tour of Neverland, but much like religious icons Jesus and The Virgin Mary– the gloved one is showing his face in all sorts of unexpected places.

Most recently, a Stockton, California family found the pop genius’s mug staring at them via the medium of a tree stump.  Felix Garcia apparently stared really, really hard and saw MJ’s face in a tree outside his house– as he had forgotten to stare really hard at his pancakes earlier in the day. Jackson had visited Stockton some 20 years before after fatal shootings at a local school. One neighbor stated that to some members of the town, Jackson meant more than Jesus–which explains why that
neighbor just kept eating his toast earlier that morning after seeing a Christ-like outline in it.

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The Borderline Eloquence of The New York Post

Posted by evankessler on June 26, 2009

With yesterday’s sudden passing of world Pop icon Michael Jackson (a.k.a The King of Pop), there was much speculation as to how the classy semi-informational sensationalistic news rag otherwise known as the New York Post would handle the subsequent headline covering the story.  Would they have an attack of tastefulness and write something like “Death of An Icon: Michael Jackson 1958-2009” or would they simply rehash the old favorite, “Wacko Jacko on His Backo”?  Personally, I was thinking they’d go somewhere along the lines of “King of Pop, Snaps Then Crackles” or “Wacko Jacko Moonwalks To Heaven.”   However, when I first walked by a newstand late this morning I was somewhat shocked to see what they had come up with.  It seems the headline geniuses at the New York Post found a way to skirt the line between classy and tabloid without hitting either mark with the following:


I stood at the bold fonted “DEAD” staring me in the face and thought, “Really?  That’s all you’ve got?”  This is not the New York Post I’ve grown to have moderate affection for on a day to day basis, based solely on what terrific pun they’ve come up with on any given Monday through Sunday.  This cover neither wore a tuxedo or lived in a trailer park…it just sort of looked as though it had witnessed a car accident.  Though, I guess in some way shape or form that’s what a lot of America was feeling at the time they heard of Michael Jackson’s death.  So, I guess it perfectly encapsulated the “holy shit” nature of it all.

That being said, I would’ve loved to have been privy to that meeting where whoever engages in the headline discussion tossed out their top picks for the front page, I’m sure there must’ve been some gems left on the cutting room floor.  If only we knew what they were.

Posted in Celebrity, Media, Pop Culture | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »