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Posts Tagged ‘Kenny Rogers’

Know When to Fold ’em: 9 Signs You’ve Got a Gambling Problem

Posted by evankessler on December 7, 2009

Anyone who knows that Kenny Rogers has a career other than rotisserie chicken entrepeneur, should also be well-versed in the country crooner’s simple yet sage five-step gambling strategy:
1. Know when to hold ’em.
2. Know when to fold ’em.
3. Know when to walk away.
4. Know when to run
5. Never count your money when you’re sitting at the table; there’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealing’s done.

Judging by a record one-year losing streak that cost him (and netted Vegas casinos) $127 million, Terrance Watanabe has probably never even heard of Gambler‘s Anonymous– let alone “The Gambler.” Having amassed a hefty deficit at both the Rio and Caesar’s Palace– accounting for 5.6% of their revenue for the year– the party favor import tycoon is now suing Harrah’s Entertainment Inc., charging that they kept him pretty much wealthy in drink and drugs while he consistently bet on black only to see it come up red.

Although the real-life casino cooler’s case may hold some water, we find it slightly hard to justify litigation on an industry whose main goal is to get you to happily squander your fortune.  Mr. Watanabe was certainly a willing participant in the sense that after you lose your first $5 million or so, you might want to rethink your decision to take part in the World Series of Three-Card Monty.

The hopeless high roller was probably confronted with more than a few signs that he probably shouldn’t have ignored en route to his nasty betting habit getting hand. And while gradually losing millions is one sign you shouldn’t be gambling, we here at OneRiot have come up with this list of signs you should probably stop gambling that we will go back and give Mr Watanabe a year ago; that is, once we invent our time machine.

1. The Cast of “The Biggest Loser” is in town, yet everyone keeps using that name to describe you.
2. The Vodka-soda you ordered tastes more like your own salty tears after a few hands.
3. The cocktail waitress tips you.
4. Wesley Snipes bets on red when you’re at his roulette table.
5. You hit on 20 in Blackjack.
6. You’ve been chosen to be on A&E’s “Intervention” after producers were contacted by a concerned Pit Boss.
7. You’re betting on individual hockey games.
8. You won tickets to see Carrot Top via a sidebet and you’re excited.
9. The complimentary buffet was dedicated in your name.

We here at OneRiot aren’t necessarily opposed to gambling, but we’re even bigger fans of self-control.  If you’re going to venture to Sin City and attempt to buck the odds, know your limits.  We don’t all have $127 million to throw away.

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I Met Up With The Gamblers

Posted by evankessler on October 7, 2006

Today, I was reading a Yahoo! Sports article and saw Detroit Pitcher Kenny Rogers referred to as The Gambler. The danger in giving two people with the same name the same nicknames is that the original person with said nickname will vanish over time and only the most recent incarnations will be relevant. Let’s not forget, The Original Gambler also sings such songs as “Lady” and “Just Checked In To See What Condition My Condition Was In” as well as operates his own Rotisserie Chicken chain, whereas the latter Kenny Rogers is only a factor in rotisserie baseball leagues. Ironically, this message is brought to you by Boston Market.

The Gambler

The Pitcher

Anyway, enough about that, moving right along to this week’s football picks. Last week was a tough one here at Evan Kessler.com as your beloved webmaster went 7-7 while his opponent went 9-5 and the gap was widened in the Season long football pickoff.

So without further ado, let’s get to the Week 5 Picks:
Giants over Redskins
Jaguars over Jets (Bruce picks the Jets)
Colts over Titans
Vikings over Lions
Saints over Bucs
Rams over Packers (Bruce picks the Pack)
Patriots over Dolphins
Bears over Bills
Panthers over Browns
Cardinals over Chiefs (Bruce picks the Chiefs)
49ers over Raiders (Bruce picks the Raiders)
Eagles over Cowboys
Chargers over Steelers
Ravens over Broncos (Bruce picks the Broncos)

Week 4 Results
Evan 7-7
Bruce 9-5

Season
Evan 36-24
Bruce 40-20

Good luck to you and your teams this Sunday. Oh yeah and LET’S GO METS!!!!

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