Evan Kessler Dot Com

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Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

It’s High Time I Went A Shoppin’

Posted by evankessler on December 28, 2006


Oh, hello. I have to admit you scared me just a tad. I didn’t see you there lording over your computer with that fierce gaze of yours fixed on your screen peering through miles and miles of information just to get to my wee site. Well I suppose now that you’re here you expect me to tell you something like a story of some sort. Well, that’s a alot of pressure to put on someone but I’ll see what I can do.

Today was a Wednesday like any other Wednesday I suppose, save for the fact that I was not working and I was armed with a sizeable gift card to a noted New York shopping establishment. Scratch that, it was not like any other Wednesday for the reasons previously stated. Now, I certainly do not fancy myself the clotheshorse, so if I were to do something with this aforementioned “sizeable gift card” I would need to enlist some help. However, before we get to all of that exciting detail, perhaps I should give you some backstory.

The previous night I had much trouble getting to sleep. It wasn’t until about an hour and a half of watching NYC-TV that I actually felt a veil of exhaustion come over me. Unfortunately that was at 5am. At around 9:30am my phone rang. Who called is quite immaterial, the mere fact that I was awoken from my slumber was the only substantial occurrence. The dream I had been roused from was quite the interesting one. I was dreaming that I was at the beach or maybe it was a subway station (maybe both at different times) when myself and several other civilians kept getting washed over with Tsunami waves. They weren’t that frightening as no one was getting hurt it was just a terrible bother to us folk being washed all over the place. At the end of the 3rd or 4th Tsunami there were advertisements on a billboard or poster touting the availability of HBO’s Tsunami Aftermath series on DVD. Before the dream was cut short by the phone call I thought, “I wish HBO would stop creating these Tsunamis. I mean we get it, it’s out on DVD.” That’s where the dream ended. I wonder if subconsciously HBO is still promoting.

I awoke from my second slumber at around 11:30am and took it upon myself to pour a bowl of cereal and milk and have a shower. After emerging from the wetness feeling shiny and new, I put on my Wednesday best and gave a telephonic shout to Amy G, who would be my tour guide in the mysterious land of the well-dressed. Pleasantries were exchanged but the most important part of the call was our meeting time, 1:45pm on the corner of 59th and Lexington. I said I’d be there, and be there I would, though not exactly on time. I set out to leave my apartment several times, once out of fear that my door might not be locked, the other times out of the fear that I had forgotten crucial elements to my trip, like my book or my phone.

I finally stepped out the door a hair past 12:55 and worked my way towards the Atlantic Avenue station. My iPodyssey was resumed with “Hey Now!” by The Brothers’ Gallagher (also known as Oasis) and kept on rolling through Earl Pickens “Hey Stacey”. By the time I reached the 4 train stop at 59th and Lexington the time was 1:47 and I’d gone through 7 of 11 “High” songs leaving me at Aimee Man’s “High on Sunday 51”.

When I surfaced above ground I was immediately reminded of the harsh winds I had experienced walking to the subway from my apartment. They were not very forgiving. My head was cold and my hair was doing some flapping as hair is wont to do in the wind. After giving Amy a ring she found me through the sea of shoppers that were flocking to the storied New York shopping establishment known as Bloomingdales.

There was quite the air of intimidation as I entered it’s hallowed halls. The smell of commerce and cologne filled the air. I’d find out what distinct colognes later on. The first store we encountered was the Ralph Lauren Polo store. I’m not so keen on his prep school friendly designs but I did take away a short sleeved grey polo. However, Amy asked what I was looking for and I had no idea what the response was. Truth be told, I would’ve rather had a gift certificate to Best Buy or Virgin. However, I was more in need of a wardrobe upgrade than a new CD or DVD. I’m what you might call a prime candidate for the Queer Eye Guys (Is that show still on?). Our next move was to the shoe section but any purchase in this area would have used up a large chunk of my gift allowance so I decided to move the focus back to clothing.

Amy had a tough task ahead of her and she was certainly a trooper. I wasn’t giving her the kind of guidance she needed in order to be my fashion rock. We wandered through several stores, through Tommy Hilfiger, on past Hugo Boss, Marc Jacobs and into Joseph Abboud’s corner. It was at this time that I wondered aloud, “Maybe I could go for a blazer and some nice button down long sleeves.” This would be a new look for Evan Kessler, a look he (or I) was willing to try. From that moment on it was clear sailing. We retraced our steps finding a reasonably priced, well-fitting blazer at the Tommy Hilfiger section. The jacket cost a mere $175 which paled in comparison to nearly every other jacket we saw. Most others seemed to fit snugly into the $325-$425 price range. I find it absolutely apalling that someone can slap together some fabric and throw such an exorbitant price tag on something as simple as a blazer. It’s not as if though by using Taiwanese laborers instead of Chinese, they are reinventing the fashion wheel.

The next stop was back to Ralph Lauren for dress shirts. However, all of the shirts had that privileged aristocrat swinging his polo mallet in the pocket area. The last thing I need is that aristocrat taunting me with his money and his multiple homes every time I put on a button down. Amy thought we should head back to Hugo Boss because they had some dapper looking duds sans preppy derision. On our way over to look for more shirts I became entranced by the table o’scents and began to inspect some ways of enhancing my appeal to the olfactories of my acquaintances. As I was doing so a perfume peddler proceeded to pitch to me a particular aroma. I was unable to sidestep his spiel as he came at me full force when he asked “What scent do you wear now?”. Unable to avoid his inquiry the first thing that came to mind was “Escada”. With that he began to explain to me why this particular fragrance would suit me just as well as Escada. The fragrance was called Sexúal. He went on to show me how Sexúal was sold in bigger bottles and for cheaper and how it would naturally mesh with my scent. This servant of smell would not take “no” for an answer. I felt as though I were about to be fragrance raped. Just then, a beacon of light shown down upon me as a customer asked him a question and the chains had been broken. Amy and I quickly shuffled to the other side of the fragrance counter where we were quickly questioned by a less forceful perfume pusher about buying the Burberry cologne. While this was happening Mr. Sexúal, who was clearly working on commission, made me rub some of that sweet scent on my wrist from across the counter. I just didn’t have the heart to tell him that I, in no way shape or form, could ever purchase a cologne called “Sexúal”. He was at a distance now and it would be much easier to just walk away.

Finally, after all of that hassle, we made it back to Hugo Boss, where Amy and I settled on a dark blue button down. We were dismayed at the lack of shirt selection. It was at that moment a helpful salesperson informed us that there was an entire half floor of items we had missed where more shirt styles would be thrust upon us. Amy also insisted that the helpful hand measure my arms and my neck as I had no idea what shirt I was looking for, but I preferred to be stubborn and just guess. My stubborness gave way though and I was armed with the proper shirt purchasing knowledge and upstairs we went.

In order to reach our destination we had to pass through all of the women’s cosmetics. Much to my surprised Amy was focused and she showed little interest in veering from the task at hand despite the presence of makeup counters. We made it to the shirt section unscathed and proceeded to find two shirts, only to replace one of them several minutes later. Before we purchased the shirts though we gravitated to the larger men’s fragrance section where I inhaled several different scent options. We did catch a bit of a hassle but I was determined to make my own decision and ultimately settled on the John Varvatos Vintage, which still adorns my wrist as I type this (or is that the Sexúal). Amy and I made quick work at the checkout counter and then I patiently paced behind her as she had a look around the lady floors. She could’ve walked around all day for all I cared as she had been exceedingly patient with me, but instead she showed mercy and took barely a half hour to browse and bought nothing.

Our shopping trip was a successful one and in celebration we had a snack at a local pizza place before we went our separate ways. I rejoined the iPodyssey mid “High On Sunday 51” and arrived safely at home to the strains of Pavement’s “Hit the Plane Down”, only 25 songs after the day had begun, and what a day it was. It did not end immediately as around 9pm I met up with Andrew Morton for some light eats, but aside from hearing about his holiday hijinx it was rather uneventful, but not in a boring way.

Well that’s it for Wednesday’s storytime hour. I hope you’ve all enjoyed yourself. Remember, don’t talk to strangers and always keep your gun where your kids can find in case of an unwanted intruder.

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Do’s and Dont’s

Posted by evankessler on December 12, 2006


Monday morning came down, and I can’t say I was thrilled. I had precious little sleep due to a slew of nightmarish dreams, one involving a ghost. It is possible that my room is haunted but it’s more likely said apparition was a figment of my unconscious imagination.

I’d tell you more about it but if I dwell on it it’s more likely I’ll have a repeat of the previous night’s dream this evening and I do not wish that fate upon myself. So instead I’ll just move onto the Monday portion of the iPodyssey. Yes, that’s right…ignoring your problems makes them go away.

We may be ignoring problems but we’re certainly not ignoring achievements here at EvanKessler.com and today marked quite the achievement as we broke the record for biggest chunk taken out of the iPodyssey with a whopping 106 songs, begining with Pearl Jam’s “Daughter” at the outset of the morning trip to the subway. This particular section of the D’s was overwrought with streaks and types. We had 5 “Day” songs, 8 “dead” ones, 6 ones that were “dear” to us, but it didn’t stop there. We mustn’t forget the 5 “Deaths”, 3 “Devil’s”, 8 “Do”‘s and so far 11 “don’t” songs with plenty more where that came from. There were surprisingly few repeats numbering only one with “Debaser” by The Pixies. There was even a song that didn’t belong as Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus” snuck into the wrong letter as it was marked as “Depeche Mode Personal Jesus”. That certainly puts a chink in the armor of this near perfect operation.
Furthermore, I noticed that most of the “Don’t” songs are not so surprisingly negative and depressing though I wouldn’t think all of them would have such a negative message despite the contraction they are adorned with. Even the “Do” songs, for that matter, struck me as downers. The Flying Burrito Brothers “Do You Know How It Feels?” struck me as quite cinematic as I solemnly shuffled down the Dean St. off of the Subway. The next song “Do You Realize” (Flaming Lips) struck me as a proper bookend to the previous track, whereas the prior one seemed to set a lonely scene at the beginning of a movie, the latter proper sealed a main character’s fate.

I arrived home to the the sounds of Tom Waits’ “Dog Door” and stood for a few minutes in my apartment debating the worth of heading to the gym. I figured that another several minutes out and about would go a long way towards furthering my musical quest. This took me into a wealth of “Don’t Songs” which I can’t say left me sufficiently excited to work out. It leaned towards “Don’t do this, you can just be lazy tonight”. However, I pressed on through the barrage of negative message songs.

I did have several epiphanies through the course of my elliptical workout. Ben Folds’ “Don’t Change Your Plans” reawakened questions about improving my life and my belief about how my tendency to always want to have “plans” is ruining my life. It seems I can never make a life altering decision because I always have something I don’t want to miss. For instance, I won’t go on vacation if there’s a football game on the weekend I want to go away. Each schedule point is a roadblock towards growing, whether pitchers and catchers are reporting a certain day, Jimmy’s having a birthday party, or someone is getting married and I put that over my own happiness and doing what I want. Anyway, enough about my psychosis. Music tends to make you think sometimes, you know?

I found equal stimulation in Rilo Kiley’s “Don’t Deconstruct” pretty much affirming what I was thinking during the previous song as Jenny Lewis sang:

judging from picture books apparently heaven is a partly cloudy place and if the sky opened up and they let you in and gave you a formal invitation would you go? you can work from home

These “don’t” songs can hit you in the heart if you’re not careful.

After I arrived home from the gym, the big dilemma was whether or not I was going to go watch Monday night football at the Lighthouse, which has been the custom this football season. I decided I would and went to my favorite local haunt only to see that my usual bartender was not there. I should have taken this as a sign to leave along with the additional sign that the show Two and A Half Men was on one of the TVs. Who wants to watch a sitcom (especially that one) at a bar? I decide to sit and have one beer, because it would be weird to just walk in and then walk out. Well, one beer turned into four and I ended up sitting next to a girl who was telling me entirely too much about her life, including that she was dating someone twice her age and that she lived with her ex-boyfriend who was jealous. I was not very attracted to her and was reasonably sure that she was not hitting on me, though I preferred not be sure because frankly, it’s been entirely too long and I don’t mind suspending my disbelief even when the attraction is not there. It’s a shite state of affairs and all the fresh air in the world will not make any fucking difference.

So I stayed entirely too long at the bar before leaving on cue when the bartender who was not the usual bartender and who was playing music instead of the game sound decided to put the band Creed on. Hearing Creed in Brooklyn in an unironic way is quite the rare event. I was not quite sure how to react. I liken it being on a plane that’s been hijacked. You think…”why me? why now? Why is this happening?” At least when you’re in a bar there’s an easy way out, though I hope someone came up with a “Let’s Roll”-esque solution to put an end to the subpar musical bonanza that was taking place. It was not a banner night for the Lighthouse and to top it off my fantasy football team lost. Woe is me. Luckily, tomorrow is another day.

Monday’s Favorites: “Dawn Can’t Decide” (The Lemonheads), “Dazed, Beautiful, and Bruised” (Catatonia), “Dead from The Waist Down” (Catatonia), “Dead Man” (Self), “Dear Employer (The Reason That I Quit)” (The Minus 5), “Deathly” (Aimee Mann), “Debaser” (The Pixies), “Debonair” (Afghan Whigs), “Debra” (Beck), “December” (Teenage Fanclub), “Deep Red Bells” (Neko Case), “Denise” (Fountains of Wayne), “Devil’s Right Hand” (Johnny Cash), “Dime A Dozen” (Tuscadero), “Dirty Frank” (Pearl Jam), “Disco 2000” (Pulp), “Discretion Grove” (Stephen Malkmus), “Dishes” (Pulp), “Disturbance at the Heron House” (R.E.M.), “Divine Intervention” (Matthew Sweet), “Divorce Song” (Liz Phair), “Don’t Believe The Hype” (Public Enemy)

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Taking My Work To Bed

Posted by evankessler on July 27, 2006

I have to stop working on these celebrity themed shows. I’m taking my work home with me. It’s even invading my dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was dating/engaged to Jennifer Aniston. I was sleeping in a large hotel room not really realizing I was in bed with the former Friends star at the beginning of my dream.


She Should Be So Lucky

When I woke up in my dream I thought, crap, it’s 7:45 I have to go to work, lucky for Jennifer Aniston sleeping next to me. She never has to go to work. I tried to keep things quiet and make my way to the shower. While in the shower, I thought, “Is it okay if I sing in the shower or will that wake my famous girlfriend/Fiance Jennifer Aniston.” Meanwhile, I was in a cavernous glass hall of a shower that spanned a great deal of our hotel room, so much so that I could walk through the room while in the shower, yet the area below my waste was not visible from the outside of the shower. So I spent about two hours in the shower deciding that since I was dating Jennifer Aniston I probably didn’t have to go to work and watching Jennifer Aniston mill around the room like a SIMS character, completely ignorant of my existence. Soon we began to get famous visitors such as Courteney Cox, all of this while I’m still in the shower. I get quite the view of the whole hotel room from my winding hall of wet. I was even able to make some small talk with people through the shower. Apparently in Hollywood once you’re dating someone you invite people over to congratulate you, as there were plenty of people on hand to congratulate us and talk to me through the shower.

I had a few friends there but not really any of my best friends. All of the sudden after I got out of the shower I was talking to Earl Pickens and Mike (The Reverend Jedidiah P. Houston) from Earl Pickens and The Black Mountain Marauders. I surmised that their attendance at our “just woke up and are dating party” was due to the fact that Earl is from Long Island as is Jennifer. We talked about their next show and how maybe they could play at one of our parties while I was looking for a CD of my liking to play at this party. There was really little to no interaction between Jennifer and myself but there couldn’t be because we were entertaining. I also began to worry about going outside and dealing with Paparazzi. I thought that I might have to go back into the shower. Fortunately for me before I had to resort to desperate measures I woke up and had to take an actual shower. Phew…saved by the bell, or the latin loops ring on my cell phone for that matter.

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Last Night’s Dream

Posted by evankessler on September 3, 2004

Has anyone ever seen a mouse playing a harmonica? I’m just trying to figure out whether or not the visual from the dream I had last night is feasible.

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