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Posts Tagged ‘Canada’

Tiger, Not Taiga

Posted by evankessler on November 23, 2010

Tiger, Tiger, Burning bright....

That Kind of Tyga– (Image by law_keven via Flickr)

I’ve always prided myself on having a wealth of pop culture knowledge, but I can’t pretend to know everything about the current lay of the music industry land. Every few days I hear the name of a new artist and am either intrigued or confused  as to how and when they got popular beneath my ever-so-perceptive nose. Furthering my confusion is the pronunciation of some of these artist monikers that revel in misspellings and nicknamery. Not that I have an issue with what they call themselves, but rather just that they fail to elicit any sort of linguistic base for me to even consider their name. Such was the case while working for OneRiot and reading that someone named Waka Flocka had been shot? Not only did I think “who?” but also what kind of name is Waka Flocka?

The same issue plagues me when people bring up the names of popular new Indie groups and overpronounce their monikers to appear more worldly and in the know. For the last few weeks one of my friends has been talking about the group Das Racist, pronouncing it as if it were a Rammstein song title; but the more I looked at the name, the more I decided it sounded like a slangier incarnation of “That’s racist.” Not that I’m right, it just seemed to make sense.

My powers of moniker interpretation took a bit of a hit today though. At some point I was looking through music articles and came across the name Tyga. While the articulation of the artist’s name wasn’t lost on me, the meaning of it went somewhere completely different in my head. I started to think of elementary social studies and different climate regions. I remembered how below the treeless plain of the frozen tundra lie the Taiga in the northern areas of Canada and Eurasia. It wasn’t ’til later in the evening while waiting for a slice of pizza, I heard a radio DJ announce a song featuring Tyga, where it dawned on me that the rapper in question most certainly named himself after the animal or golfer- like a Tiger.

I don’t mean to sound old and out of touch like Andy Rooney, but I certainly feel like it today.

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Make the Weather Less Frightful

Posted by evankessler on December 8, 2009

Americans have spent the first week of December soaking up the effects of global warming by showing that 52 degrees and sunny are perfect conditions for tanning in the backyard or attending an outdoor sporting event shirtless. They’re about to be given a rude awakening though, as a cold front has descended upon the continental US faster than you can say “The Day After Tomorrow” for the 800th consecutive time.

The swath of wintry conditions has caused three deaths from California to Indiana since it engulfed the nation on Monday. The iciest air of the season is expected to smother land east of the Mississippi and Southern Canada through at least Thursday with winter storm watches in effect over places like Northern Iowa, Southern Minnesota and possibly somewhere Canadian– like Thunder Bay, Ontario.

While you’ve been hesitant to break out those snow boots and gloves just yet, we think now might be a good time take those long johns out of storage and make sure the heating bill has been paid. In addition to those obvious preparations for the arrival of Jack Frost, we here at OneRiot have come up with some less apparent essentials to get yourself prepared for when the weather outside is frightful.

Matches- Fire is so delightful.  If your heat isn’t working for some reason or you find yourself stranded out in the cold, matches will come in handy for setting something on fire, whether it be a coat sleeve or your couch.

Hot Buttered Soul by Isaac HayesWhether you’re home alone or with that special someone, having the smooth sounds of Isaac Hayes 1969 album playing in the background will keep you warm all winter long, like a soothing mug of hot buttered rum.

Hot Buttered Rum- In case your music player gets frozen and doesn’t work any longer, you should always have a soothing mug of hot buttered rum on hand to stay cozy.

A Snuggie You don’t want to have move your blanket in order reach your soothing mug of hot buttered rum or your significant other, do you?

Hot Sauce-
Sure you can buy those hand warmer crystal things to put inside your gloves, but having hot sauce seeping into your pores will give you that same skin warming/burning sensation at a lower price.  Just try not to get it in your eyes.

Fatty Foods-
Gorging yourself on fatty foods all winter will give your body that extra layer of lard it needs to survive should you at some point get stranded in an avalanche and you’re stuck at home or in a cave for days without hope of rescue.

Failing to invest in any of these essentials might not make a difference in making sure you stay warm this winter, but can you afford to risk that?  Probably…you probably could.

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Canada Day, Eh!

Posted by evankessler on July 1, 2009

Canadian flag outside the Maritime Museum of t...

Image via Wikipedia

Nearly every independent country has their special day where they like to celebrate being freed from the chains of tyranny or a benevolent monarch. In the U.S., it just so happens to be right around the corner on July 4th.  However, before the nation of Lincoln, Washington and well, Rutherford B. Hayes basks in the glow of yet another firework-laden birthday smash, those Nanooks to our north have cause to pop the champagne corks and light off some M-80’s. Why, you ask?  Because today is Canada day!

That’s right, today marks the anniversary of the day back in 1867 when Wayne Gretzky freed the Edmonton Oilers and all surrounding Canadians from Lord Stanley’s iron grip with a few swift dekes and a hat trick.  Canada would never be the same. Actually, that’s not entirely (or at all) true.  Rather, Canada Day commemorates the signing of the British North America Act, which united the then four provinces of Canadialand as one nation under a maple leaf, indivisible, with liberty, hockey, and socialized medicine for all.

Canadians all across the Great White North will be whooping it up today with barbecues, picnics, a few poor attempts at water hockey on thawed out ponds, and general good times. Sounds like a good time to us. But really, how is that different from any day in Canada, which begs the question, “Isn’t every day Canada Day?”

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A Dog Eat Dog World

Posted by evankessler on October 14, 2008

Chihuaha x Paris Hilton = Please Help Us Canada

Chihuaha x Paris Hilton = Please Help Us Canada

I’m not quite sure what this fascination is with talking dogs, but it seems after 2 weeks filmgoers are still captivated by Beverly Hills Chihuahua against all rhyme or reason. The film raked in another $17.5 million this week. Maybe this is all just a bizarre form of escapism from our current economical woes. People probably just want to see dogs talk because they know it’s a lot less real than the prospect of losing everything they own when the volume of the Dow Jones Industrial inevitably reaches zero sometime before Christmas and The Royal Canadian Mounted Police invade the US in order to create the Socialist States of America, handing out health care to everyone who stands in their way.

I’m not really sure I want to live in a country where a movie about a Beverly Hills Chihuahua and a show where Paris Hilton searches for her new BFF are mutually exclusive anyway.  And who’s to say the Canadian takeover didn’t begin long ago.  What with the National Hockey League having been in existence since 1919 and the league’s slow but sure encroachment on into some of our warmer environs; I say the non-hostile gerrymandering of country lines was set in motion well before Pamela Anderson replaced Farrah Fawcett as the standard for pin up models and began to repeatedly marry our rapidly depleting stock of hepatitis c addled drummers.

If John McCain wins the Presidential Election on November 4th, that will be the last straw.  I will outstretch my open arms towards our nanooks to the North, entreating them to join our two nations together.  And if they respond favorably to that moment, I will greet them as liberators, eh.

Posted in Celebrity, economics, entertainment, movies, Patriotism, Politics, Pop Culture | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »