Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Posts Tagged ‘Business’

An EK Original

Posted by evankessler on April 12, 2011

I just painted this. Thinking about putting it up on ebay. How much do you think it can fetch at auction? I’m pretty sure it’s going to be worth a lot of money someday.

Title: Alternate Dimension (watercolor on paper) EK 2011

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Evan Kessler: Amateur Graphic Designer

Posted by evankessler on December 9, 2010

Sometimes when an idea is living in your head you can’t help but have the need to render it a living, breathing thing. It’s that physical manifestation that makes it real–at least on paper. I’ve been batting around several creative ideas in my head the past few days that have brought about equal parts excitement and trepidation–ultimately deciding that one of them was in dire need of a logo. Rather than summon the assistance of my artistic friends, I chose to bring the vision out the way it was in my head, before anyone could get their greasy-yet-talented paws on it. Sure, someone will eventually have to revise it, as I used the crude downloadable tool known as “Paintbrush” to bring it to life. Luckily, the use of this primitive program didn’t fall prey to my shaky-handedness and came out about as good as it could have considering I was using the stone axe of the graphic design implements. I’m not going to go into details about the potential project now, as it’s a very tentative seedling implanted in the soil of my brain, but perhaps the water from my next shower will turn it into a sapling with strong roots. Plant-life metaphors aside, here’s the fruit of my branding and design labors. What do you think?

Posted in art, blogging, ideas | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Grounded for Flight

Posted by evankessler on November 19, 2009

The minutes leading up to any airplane departure can be wrought with restlessness and boredom.  That’s why most airport interiors resemble malls. What better thing to do before you leave a city than stimulate its economy because you can’t go anywhere else. Many cities across the US are benefiting from this not-so-coincidental combination of commerce and aviation today, as an FAA glitch forced all sorts of flight delays across the nation. We here at OneRiot don’t want to speculate that this is just a government conspiracy to stimulate the economy, but we’re pretty sure plenty of folks are milling around airports with money to spend, curiously eying that kiosk with the $300 noise-canceling headphones.

We know there are more desirable ways to pass the time when you’re waiting to fly the friendly skies than dilly-dallying in the duty free shops.  So if you’re stranded at your gate and your flight is running late we’ve got some ideas to help you deal with being marooned at the skymall.

  • Introduce Yourself To Your Fellow Strandees- People in the same lousy predicament love complaining to one another and giving each other incredulous looks every time another announcement is made about more delays.  Introducing yourself gives you the ability to put a name to each pained grimace.  “This sucks, doesn’t it Dave?”
  • Ride the moving walkways It’s always fun to compare yourself standing still on the moving walkway with people who are actually walking.  Which one is faster?
  • Eating Contest There’s bound to be a Dunkin’ Donuts somewhere near your gate.  Have each participant buy a 60-pack of munchkins. Whoever eats the most both gains the most weight and can tell all of their friends they won a competitive eating contest.  If pride isn’t your idea of a prize, then gather up enough money to buy the winner a souvenir of that particular city, so they’ll always remember that magical day in Cincinnati.
  • Discover New Hobbies and Interests- The airport magazine store has a vast array of titles covering a wide range of subjects.  Everything from Cat Fancy to NASCAR is at your fingertips.  Maybe when you return home to that lonely urban apartment you’ll realize that your life would be a lot more fulfilling if you had a Calico Kitty rubbing against your leg and purring constantly.
  • Read a book- Sometimes imagining characters in your mind is a heck of a lot better than dealing with those that surround you.  Especially if they’re engaging in some of the activities above.

If none of the activities pique your fancy, we recommend bellying up to the airport bar and learning about the sales business from Rusty, who’s in town from Tulsa for a conference.

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Circle K Goes Viral

Posted by evankessler on September 22, 2009

The current lay of the cultural landscape is littered with several kinds of social media consumers. There are the casual users who are just trying to stay connected; the recreational users who find great entertainment value in the frequent status updates and interactive nature of socializing with those you can’t be near; and then there are the wholly self-obsessed who are convinced that their every move is of paramount importance on a global scale and thus worthy of the other two group’s time.

You can count Indonesian film director Joko Anwar as a member of the latter social “me”dia generation. The director of such films as Pintu terlarang and Dead Time: Kala wielded his sword of net arrogance to more or less make convenience mart Circle K a household name for the first time since Bill and Ted traveled through time from a phone booth outside of one.

Anwar announced via his twitter page that once his followers topped the 3,000 mark, he would be making a rather naked jaunt to everyone’s favorite store named after a shape-enclosed letter– assuming of course that 3,000 people wanted to see him naked buying a bottle of iced tea. The director’s challenge predictably proved the unfortunate fact that there are enough people who are more than willing to encourage such self-aggrandizing, yet wholly desperate seeming behavior. Within minutes Circle K was trending all over the net and Anwar was over 3,000 followers. It used to be people would do anything for a buck, now it’s just for some digital disciples and a soft drink. Unfortunately for Circle K employees, they’ll be seeing a very naked Indonesian film director very soon.

Posted in OneRiot, Social Networking | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Wal-mart Monster Strikes

Posted by evankessler on September 3, 2009

Kids are like puppies. They can be cute, cuddly, adorable, and fun to play fetch with.  On the flipside, they can also be horrendously annoying; sometimes they even cry and whine for no apparent reason at ear shattering volumes. While the latter characteristics may make them none too appealing to be around–especially if you don’t have to be– it’s important to realize that they are but delicate beings just starting out in this vicious cycle of life, the same way you once were.  So if you ever find yourself in a public place with one who just can’t control their “waa” reflex, we suggest you show some understanding and don’t take your cues from the likes of Roger Stephens.
The 61-year old Atlanta area curmudgeon deserves to be paraded around with a dunce cap (and much worse) as yet another of the perplexed platoon of Wal-mart shoppers.  The crotchety customer became so incensed at the noise pollution being offered by a 2-year old that rather than walk away to a quieter area, he took it upon himself to levy a threat on the child’s mother somewhere along the lines of, “If you don’t shut the baby up, I will shut her up for you.”  Stephens followed through on his promise to slap the child silly, failing to realize that it would probably make the problem worse and constitute possibly the worst kind of assault–assault on a defenseless child.
The senseless coward is now being held without bond at an area jail.  While we’re not ultimately sure what his sentence will be, might we recommend chaining him to the radiator in at room full of crying children for about two years.

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Walmart Outscouting the Girl Scouts

Posted by evankessler on August 4, 2009

Girl Scouts of the United States of America

Image via Wikipedia

Lately it seems that Wal-mart has taken a bit of a break from its busy schedule of destroying small town infrastructure and putting mom and pop shops out to pasture, by taking the time to institute more friendly or at least “green” initiatives.  Alas, maintaining the do good mentality of the corporate behemoth boasting low, low prices –for various products made in China– seemed to be all but an afterthought, when everyone’s favorite superstore decided to outmuscle everyone’s favorite adorably non-profit cookie sellers…for a profit, of course.

Walmart recently announced that it would be impinging on the Girl Scouts‘ precious territory by releasing their own versions of those ever-so tasty Tagalogs and suitably scrumptious Thin Mint cookies. From now on consumers hungry for that sweet sweet taste of empowered female youth learning to build character and skills for success in the real world, will be able to indulge their sweet tooth without that nasty aftertaste that is the charitable donation. Instead, each time they purchase said cookies at their favorite unflinchingly profitable everything-for-less emporium, they’ll have the comfort of knowing that the rich have just gotten richer, while the poor, well let’s just hope they can sell a shitload of Samosas.

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Starbucks’ Sorta Mom & Pop Coffee Shop

Posted by evankessler on July 17, 2009

Starbucks' Christmas Bokeh

Image by pierofix via Flickr

First the Sears Tower magically morphs into the “Willis Tower” and now this!  On the heels of yesterday’s renaming frenzy, another recognizable landmark has caught “we’re actually not called that anymore” fever.  This time it’s not a majestically stoic member of a Chicago skyline, rather it’s a Seattle storefront that helps many local residents get their caffeine fix every morning, afternoon, and night.

In an attempt to possibly convince anti-corporate behemoth joe sippers that it’s just a quaint mom and pop java joint, a Starbucks in the Emerald City is being re-branded with the new moniker; “15th Avenue Coffee and Tea.” The multi-national mega corporation will be removing “visible Starbucks identifiers,” effectively giving it the appearance of a neighborhood hangout complete with live music, beer and wine!

Those efforts will likely not be enough to fool those who normally only support small local businesses as baristas will most likely still respond to an order for a Venti Mocha Soy Chai Latte and know exactly what you’re talking about, despite their efforts to pretend otherwise.

If non-Starbucks really wants to engrain themselves with the neighborhood coffee crowd, they should announce that every night is bad poetry night in the performance space.

Posted in Advertising, Branding, OneRiot, Pop Culture | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »