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Posts Tagged ‘Boston Red Sox’

We Aught To Be Ashamed

Posted by evankessler on December 21, 2009

Today is the Winter Solstice.  While it is the shortest day of the year and first official day of Winter, it’s also a solemn reminder that time remaining in this decade some of us refer to as “the aughts” is running out.  In a mere ten day’s we’ll be ringing in the 10’s and the previous decade will be but a footnote in history.  Sure, much has been accomplished in that span, but there have also been plenty of missed opportunities the likes of which we will never have back.  Rather than pat ourselves on the back by looking at the societal achievements of the past decade, we here at OneRiot prefer to take a sobering look at some things that just didn’t happen that must be corrected in the near future in order to give 2010 and beyond that onward and upward feeling.

Flying Cars-
All of the movies that we saw as children (but mostly Back to the Future 2) pretty much said that flying cars would be a reality by now.  Sure, there’s a car that can be converted into a plane, but it’s not the same.  Instead our technological advancements have centered on the ability to give status updates from the toilet, rather than the ability to float around on a hoverboard or fly your pod to your cousin’s house in Arizona. And has anyone even started working on home teleportation devices yet? C’mon, this is the 21st century.

World Series Champion Chicago Cubs The last decade saw long-enduring championship curses end for both the Boston Red Sox and Chicago White Sox. We don’t know what the Cubs have done since 1908 to continually invite the hands of fate to tinker with their chances of winning it all, but we hope sometime in the next decade their long-suffering fans catch a break. Hopefully, it’s not 2012 though. We can see it now, the Cubs lead the Yankees in the bottom of the 9th of Game 7 with 2 outs when the Mayan prophecy of the end of the world comes to fruition, leaving Wrigleyville and everywhere else in ruins.

Gay Marriage- Can’t we just acknowledge that all people that are of legal consenting age should be able to get married.  Several states took the leap in 2009 to ensure equal marriage rights for all.  As long as marriage isn’t between a boy,his dog and the neighbor’s cactus plant, this wrong should be righted. Everyone should get the same chance to be miserable.

The aughts were certainly a time of opportunity and innovation, as well as economic hardship and war. There’s a lot we can stand to improve on over the next 10 years provided we don’t get sidetracked by that really attractive looking prickly pear plant. Who knows, maybe we’ll even come up with three other areas that could stand to be improved by 2019!

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Your Job De-PUN-ds On It

Posted by evankessler on October 25, 2007


Now, I don’t know if anyone picked up the New York Post today… but if you did you saw this headline in reference to the Red Sox 13-1 drubbing of the Colorado Rockies in Game 1 of the 2007 world series. I’m not sure who came up with this particular play on words but I imagine he/she’s been waiting all playoffs to use it. Unfortunately, now that that’s been all used up, said staffer will have go back to the clever pun drawing board and hope for other scenarios to play out. With so much pressure for a repeat punformance , I figured I would lighten the burden on the certain staffer’s shoulders by offering up a pun of my own for a particular scenario. So with further ado:

If the Red Sox should take the first three games only to drop Game 4 to the Rockies in Denver, feel free to make the headline:

Rockies Mountin’ Comeback

You can thank me later.

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