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Posts Tagged ‘Alaska’

Shatner Speaks the Truth for Alaska

Posted by evankessler on July 28, 2009

William Shatner photographed by Jerry Avenaim

Image via Wikipedia

In every era there is a man for all times; a man whose artistry,integrity, and way with the spoken word mesmerizes those who he comes into contact with. For this time, right here, right now, that man is none other than Captain James Tiberius Kirk, himself– Mr. William Shatner.

Last night on the The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, the septagenarian starfleet commander helped make sense of what we referred to yesterday as a “rambling, incoherent speech” by former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. What had once been an aimless collection of meandering thoughts–when first uttered by their original speaker– were suddenly transformed into a flourishing garden of ideas and expressions, as Mr. Shatner grabbed a hold of them and made them his own…forever. In our mind Sarah Palin never gave a farewell speech, but William Shatner did recite a beautiful poem.

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Palin Bids Alaskan Responsibilities Adieu

Posted by evankessler on July 27, 2009

Fans of the political process from sea to shining sea got a big boost of confidence Sunday when Sarah Palin formally stepped down as Alaska Governor. In traditional gubernatorial fashion, the former head of the Alaskan state, showed she was one of the greats, by accepting no responsibility for any of the misfortune and scandal that befell during her abbreviated reign as its supreme leader– most notably the negative attention she and her family garnered as John McCain‘s running mate in the 2008 Presidential election.

In one of her trademark rambling, incoherent speeches,Palin railed against obvious foes such as “the media” who so infamously engaged in their “gotcha journalism” when Palin repeatedly made it obvious that she knew precious few details about government at the federal level, (and god only knows the state level) while being asked simple questions that most people that might be in the position to run the country should be able to answer.

The media wasn’t the only one to blame for Palin’s more than numerous ethical transgressions and personal embarrassments.  SP also hung the heavy burden of her own failure to not engage in scandalous activity on the dainty shoulders of “Hollywood starlets” who “rail against gun rights.” Palin was most likely referring to Ashley Judd who raised a stink when the knowledge arose that the governor had engaged in the inhumane act of aerial wolf hunting.  The ex-governor cited those with Judd-like characteristics as tools of “anti-hunting, anti-Second Amendment circuses from Hollywood.”  Ironically, if the governor had ever seen any Ashley Judd movie she’d know that 50 percent of them end with Ashley gunning down an ex-husband who wronged her.  She went on to justify her gun happy ways with the new motto for her line of fox jerky snacks, “We eat therefore, we hunt.”

Much to the equal delight and chagrin of her Alaskan constituents, Palin promised to continue “charting a new course to advance this state,” one that can most likely only be carried out only from the backrooms of Wasilla bars by an elite force of Snow Machine racers more powerful in scope than a thousand governors.

In closing, what a long strange trip its been for the people of the Alaska, the United States and this sprightly, yet offensively
conservative point guard from Wasilla.  We’re going to miss all of your antics and your gee whiz, you betcha attitude.  The Joe six-packs and plumbers showing their cracks are going to miss your down home style of politickin’ straight talk.

Sarah Palin you’ve served as a model of ineptitude the likes of which haven’t been seen since Dan Quayle helped out with an elementary school spelling bee. When kids see the former governor of Alaska, they’ll see a role model that says, when the going gets tough and you’re really not qualified to deal with it–step down. It’s been refreshing and nauseating all at the same

While we don’t think this is completely the end of the line for the Palin news cycle, we could all use a rest for a while.  Oh well, we hope to see Mrs. Palin on the Republican ticket in 2012, if just for the wealth of material she’ll provide.

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Palin’s Ethically-Challenged Baby

Posted by evankessler on July 22, 2009

Sarah Palin in Savannah, Georgia, Dec 1, 2008 ...

Image via Wikipedia


Embattled yet always sassy Alaska Governor Sarah Palin seems to constantly have lots of ‘splainin’ to do. This week is no differentas John McCain‘s former running mate faces allegations that she used her position as chief executive of “Seward’s Folly” to secure “unwarranted benefits” and snag “improper gifts through the Alaska Fund “–which she had authorized the creation of by her supporters.
The thought that the Governor would use such funds for personal gains is not so far fetched as she had  been known
to employ previously allotted funds on such superfluous items as lipstick to apply to her pit bulls and pigs and expensive outfits to help her play the pretend game of let’s dress like we’re 2nd in-line
to the presidency.
Levi Johnston could not immediately be reached for comment, but we imagine he would’ve pointed out that it could be
worse, she could be the current Vice President or not leaving office in a couple of days.
As for Palin’s excuse, we expect to there to be a rambling, incoherent statement issued on the matter rather soon.


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The Levi Johnston Show Continues

Posted by evankessler on July 10, 2009

Levi Johnston with Sarah Palin's family at the...

Image via Wikipedia

Live from Anchorage, Alaska, It’s the Levi Johnston show!  The only show where everybody’s favorite oil field employee, baby daddy and beloved host talks about anything and everything Sarah Palin related, because no one really wants his opinion on anything else.  This week Levi extends his 15 minutes of fame by giving his thoughts on the reason for the foxy Alaska governor‘s resignation. Watch the high jinks ensue as Levi claims SP was in it for the money!

Levi:  “She had talked about how nice it would be to take some of this money people had been offering us and you know just run with it, say ‘forget everything else.'”

If that doesn’t keep your eyes glued to the screen, watch the sparks fly as Palin family spokesperson Meghan Stapleton fires a few barbs in Levi’s general direction

Meghan Stapleton: “It is interesting to learn Levi is working on a piece of fiction while honing his acting skills.”

Ouch.  Good one Meghan, but the host always get the last word. After all it is his show.  And to top it all off Levi lowers the boom on Palin’s presidential hopes when he reveals whether or not in hindsight he would’ve voted for his former maybe mother-in-law:

Levi: “after seeing what she did now, you know, leaving Alaska, I would have to say, ‘no.’ Obviously she’s stressed out as governor. I mean moving up to the vice president or president is huge. I just don’t think anymore that she’s cut out for the job.”

Take that Palin 2012. You’re no match for Levi’s last word. And if you the viewing audience are thinking about missing out on the ever-growing media phenomenon that is The Levi Johnston Show; remember, you’re no match for good entertainment. The Levi Johnston Show, airing whenever something significant happens with Sarah Palin. Please check local listings.

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Surprised As Hack

Posted by evankessler on September 18, 2008

It’s been all over the news the past couple of hours that Alaskan Governor and VP Candidate Sarah Palin’s Yahoo account has been hacked into.  As someone who has had a Yahoo account for just over ten years I don’t see how this comes as a surprise.  Every single day the spam filter on my yahoo account fails to prevent the flood of unsolicited junkmail advertising “Teen Girls Who Really Squirt” or claiming that I somehow won the “IRISH LOTTERY”.

If a spam filter can’t protect from such obvious trash, I don’t think anyone could ever safely assume their personal emails are embedded in an impenetrable wall of code.  Now, couple those telling signs of insecurity with the fact you are a horribly unqualified candidate in the public eye and people across the world, not even necessarily your opponent are hoping to the lord above (that you think created the earth 4,000 years ago) that you never see the inside of the oval office and you have a recipe for a hacking. It also doesn’t help when you have an obvious address such as Gov.Palin@yahoo.com

So, in closing Ms. Palin, next time you use your personal email address to conduct government business to avoid potential subpoenas, you might want to do some research on an email provider.  Oh…and another thing, those large cash deposit emails from a desperate friend that you’ve never met in the Ivory Coast are probably not legitimate ways of subsidizing your state’s economy.

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