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Archive for the ‘entertainment’ Category

Boot Scootin’ Boogie

Posted by evankessler on March 31, 2010

Tonight I went to a party with my friend Reva to celebrate the launch of a new dating website called HowAboutWe.com.  While there I got into a funny conversation with an attractive member of the female persuasion after she quoted me a “true story” reminiscent of the 2nd season of the Real World intro.  This led to a conversation about the Real World Season 2’s resident hillbilly Jon Brennan and the episode where the roommates got to see his country act, which included a memorable performance of the Brooks & Dunn song “Boot Scootin’ Boogie.” Upon my return home, I was compelled to find this performance on youtube.  Much to my chagrin, it was not easily found.  So rather than give you the gift of Jon Brennan’s “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” I’ve decided to shower you with line dancing lessons.  Clear the floor near your computer, I’m taking you south of the Mason-Dixon where you can impress all of your friends with your new fancy footwork.

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Garth Preps for Vegas Cowboy Comeback

Posted by evankessler on October 15, 2009

Beyond the Season

Image via Wikipedia

There are some people, that when you see their names trending, you assume to be either freshly dead, the subject of Internet death rumors, or newly accused of a heinous crime. Garth Brooks has been so safely stowed away from the limelight in recent years that his current nature as a trending topic had us fearing the worst and twitter user @LouisaPaxton wondering “Who is garth brooks?”

Rest assured Garthamaniacs, the former Country music megastar is not joining Michael Jackson in that big recording studio in the sky.  Quite the opposite.  The best-selling solo musician in U.S. history has announced that he will be ending his self-imposed nine year retirement and is rumored to be joining the ranks of Wayne Newton and Cher as a Las Vegas performer. So with Garth allegedly set to heat up the gambling circuit for 16 weeks courtesy of the Wynn Hotel & Casino, we here at OneRiot have come up with a list of ten things to expect during Garth’s run on the Sin City strip.

1. Admittedly not big on “social graces” an entire half-hour of the show will be dedicated to displays of Brooks’ bodily functions, burping being the one most prominently featured.
2. There will be barriers between the crowd and the stage, just no fences.
3. A more than uncalled for crowd hushing nightly pantomime re-enactment of the video for “The Thunder Rolls” as performed by a bevy of horribly out of place scantily clad showgirls.
4. The only merchandise available at the show will be Garth’s trademark black and white button down.
5. Opening for Garth Brooks…Trisha Yearwood…and on some dates, Larry The Cable Guy.  On no occasion will Clint Black be appearing.  The two haven’t gotten along since “the incident.”
6. Garth will reserve the front row each night for his best friends, for the sole purpose of not lying every time he sings “Friends in Low Places
7. There will be a giant slot machine on stage that Garth will invite one elderly fan to play throughout the entirety of the show.  If she hits the jackpot she wins the show’s entire gross profits for the evening.
8. Somewhere around the 14th week Garth will do a full week’s slate as his alter-ego Chris Gaines.  After the performances go largely unheralded, failing to achieve any critical or audience acclaim, Garth will return to as his old successful self.
9. In between the set and the encore of every show, Garth will slip on down to the Oasis Resort & Casino about an hour north of Las Vegas to chase his blues away. He’ll be okay.
10. Garth will put on the gosh darn grandest spectacle of a country music show you ever seen.  Mark our words…GRANDEST!

Alright, country music fans.  There your have it.  Time to thank your lucky stars that Country music’s true superstar is back in our good graces.  We expect to see searches for “Great Vegas Travel Deals” trending real soon.

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Patrick Swayze 1952-2009

Posted by evankessler on September 15, 2009

The rumors had been swirling around the internet over the last year and a half or so.  They said, “Patrick Swayze is on his deathbed,” or “Patrick Swayze has left us.” Yet with each viciously unfounded rumor, Mr. Swayze would emerge from the shadows of doubt as if to defiantly proclaim, “nobody puts Swayze in a corner; not even this damned pancreatic cancer.”

Unfortunately, that statement couldn’t stay true forever, as last night the world lost a fine talent in Patrick Swayze. While Swayze was known best for the filthy way he could cut a rug, he was much more than the star of the 1987 smash hit Dirty Dancing. The Hollywood heartthrob was best known for portraying lovers, fighters, and the occasional bank robber/surfer, but he also had a knack for comedy as evidenced by his memorable Chippendales romp on SNL with the late Chris Farley, as well as his portrayal of a drag queen in the movie with the longest title ever. Swayze was a true triple threat in every sense of the phrase and now he is gone, and not even Oda Mae Brown can bring him back. In an affectionate tribute to his memory, we here at OneRiot offer up a small sampling of his tremendous talent in the form of his hit single off of the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack, “She’s Like The Wind.”  Patrick Swayze you will be missed.

Posted in entertainment, movies, Obituary, OneRiot | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Last Hi-Ooooh!

Posted by evankessler on June 23, 2009

Ed McMahon at Red Square in Mandalay Bay.

Image via Wikipedia

Over the years, we like to think we had a very personal relationship with Johnny Carson’s longtime Tonight Show sidekick, Ed McMahon.  He sent us hundreds of letters telling us that we might have already won millions upon millions of dollars, and each time  we’d respond with a personal letter of thanks  to Ed along with an affixed sticker alerting him that we’d love a discounted subscription to Field & Stream.

Without fail, he would always write back with another opportunity to win even more money. While we never actually won those millions of dollars Ed tried to hook us up with, we feel like we really got to know the guy behind the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.  So it was with a heavy heart this morning when we here at OneRiot walked to our mailbox only to find no letter from Ed.

We knew something was amiss and when we finally logged into our interweb connection, we saw why.  Eddie Mac had passed away and with him our champagne wishes and caviar dreams. We hoped the news wasn’t true, but alas this was no TV blooper or practical joke.

Ed was more than just a locked gateway to our wildest cash-fueled fantasies. So in our hour of sadness we reminisce about the career of one Ed McMahon. Ed wasn’t just JC’s four-eyed, joke-affirming sidekick. Ed was his own man.  Ed was a voice, a voice that cried out, “Heeeeere’s Jonny,” “Yes,” and “You are correct, sir.”  He was also a top talent scout, discovering such luminaries as Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera in their early years and rating them on simple star scale that catapulted them to the celebrity status they own today.

Ed was a lover, a fighter and ultimately an esteemed announcer, and in honor of his passing we think it’s time to let out one last hearty “Hi-oooooh!” in the old man’s honor. There you have it Ed.  Rest in peace.

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Cartwheel Racing

Posted by evankessler on March 30, 2009


Lights, camera, action! were the keywords this weekend as Team Film Geniot got together to partake in the 24 hour film race put on by FilmRacing.com.  Having participated before our solid team knew what to expect, a full day of strenuous and fast paced film putting together.  Our group originally gathered on Wednesday evening at Jason S’s office to discuss possible ideas for our short film even though we had not yet been fed the official topic and the action we would have to incorporate into our film.  We came up with a lot of great ideas and probably some bad ones, but we were pretty excited to get the chance to put all of our talents in a box, shake them up, and see what we came up with.

Prior to receiving the crucial details to the filmmaking process at 10pm on Friday I had a brief dinner with my mom, my stepfather, and my cousin Erika in town from Indiana.  There’s not really much to say about it other than we were participating in that Dine-In Brooklyn week, so we enjoyed a tasty meal at Sette before I rushed back home to catch the first half of Syracuse’s Sweet 16 loss to Oklahoma.

At around 8:30pm, I headed to the 7th avenue Q station to take the train to Andy’s place, where our group was meeting up.  Coincidentally, taking the train at the same time were 3 other members of the team, Jason, Kayvalyn and Andrea.  We only travelled 2 stops further into Brooklyn, but we experienced one of the more annoying subway rides ever as the girl behind us was successfully rehearsing the art of annoyance.  She kept making the loudest squealingest screaming sound while joking around with her male friend.  She emitted brain piercing wails and screeches much to the chagrin of a large majority of the commuters in our car.  Luckily, we weren’t going that far and eventually escaped.

When we got to Andy’s place Morwin and Suli had already been on hand.   We sat on the couch making conversation and watching Syracuse being soundly defeated before the vital information arrived in Andy’s email.  The New York Film race was about to begin.  Our film had to use a theme of “breaking the rules” and had to incorporate the action of “clinking of glass”.

Waiting To Begin The Creative Process

Waiting To Begin The Creative Process

More Creative Anticipation

More Creative Anticipation

We fiddled with some of our older ideas, but the ones we got through never ended up fitting right.  Rather early in our discussions someone brought up the idea of using Morwin’s pizza place and I think I might have said that we should use it as a front for a business.  I think then Jason or Andy came up with an idea for a travel documentary and everything just took shape from there.  We didn’t want to rely on outside actors so I fell into the role as the host of the travel show and despite the fact that Suli, Jason, Andrea, and I had all previously discussed writing together, Jason just started typing the script on his computer and within minutes had come up with some really wonderful ideas.  There was no bickering or hard feelings about roles we wanted to play, it was a cohesive team effort.

After figuring out the story and the characters Andrea decided that she would have to style my hair and do wardrobe for my character.  We went into Andy’s room and picked out a button down shirt and a necklace.  I was also equipped with a backpack and a camera with a strap around my neck.  Voila!  A travel sh0w host was born.  We quickly got all the scripts printed out and discussed the props we needed.  We quite illegally stuffed entirely too many people into Suli’s RAV4 and made a few stops to pick up props before heading off to Schmook’s in Greenpoint.

A Good Example of An Automobile Travel Safety Hazard

A Good Example of An Automobile Travel Safety Hazard

We picked up Enisha along the way, because we thought we’d need man on the street interviews or some extras for the shoot.  When we got to Schmook’s we were met by Rich and Lina who came from a theme party, the theme of which escapes me.  Anyway, we took a little bit to set up, but we were extremely fortunate to have a great location and the proprietor on hand to make us a couple of pizzas with which we could shoot, as well as a real working oven.

During our little run of errands Andrea had picked up some of her stylist tools and was hell bent on making me look like the travel host she wanted me to look like.  I was fine with that as I was sort of already getting into character.  She put a bunch of hairspray and other stuff in my hair.  I have to admit, I liked the attention of being on camera talent.

Andrea Makes Me Look Like A Star

Andrea Makes Me Look Like A Star

We began filming probably close to 2am.  We shot pretty steadily until sunrise.  It was hard to keep up energy and Kayvalyn and Enisha got a lot of quality sleeping in there.  Everyone was really cooperative even though we didn’t get around to using some of them in a convenient time frame.  Our big goal was to get Morwin’s scene’s done since he had already done us enough of a solid by letting us use his place, the least we could do is get him out at a reasonable time which probably ended up being 5am.  We got the most out of all of our friends on hand though…and at around 6:20 we had finish most of principal photography save for the show’s intro which required me outside walking around Greenpoint and spewing a lot of bull about the neighborhood’s history and the history of the particular pizza joint we were entering.

It was during this time that Andrea and I came up with the host’s name, Chris Cartwheel.  I’m not really sure why it was so funny.  Maybe we were a little stir crazy after filming so long, but it seemed to work well, and it ended up giving us the strongest parts of the short, namely, the theme song and the open graphic.  The shoot ended around 7:30am give or take.  I think I was home by 8am.

It was a long night and I got a few hours of sleep before I had to head back to Andy’s at 5:30 to check out the edited version of the piece.  It was really funny, but unfortunately it was too long.  It had to be 3 and a half minutes and we had come in at 6 minutes and 30 seconds.  A lot would have to be cut out before handing the piece in at 10pm.  Ultimately, it got done, but a lot of great moments ended up being cut out.  Hopefully, there is a directors cut.    In any case, if you’d like to see “Lights Camera Cartwheel! with Chris Cartwheel” then I suggest you click here.

The rest of the evening after getting the film turned in was relatively quiet.  Jason, Andrea, and I met up with Kayvalyn and Enisha and went back to Jayvalyn’s place where we ate an awesome dinner and watched Synechdoche, New York.  If you’re not in the mood for a heavy and confusing movie, then I don’t suggest watching it.  However, if you are in the mood to be deep and analytical, then it’s a treat.  It really depends how you’re feeling I suppose.

Sunday I woke up early and met with my brother, cousin, and uncle in Midtown East as my uncle in from Arizona was driving us all to Rockland where we had to do the unveiling for my Grandfather’s headstone and have passover dinner.  It was certainly an early date for Passover, but my mom is going to be away for it this year and since a good deal of my family was in town she wanted to have a big family get together.  It all went off without a hitch, except for the fact that right when we wanted to leave to go back to the city there was a serious hailstorm with huge chunks storming down.  It was a brief semi-apocalyptic even that was actually quite entertaining.

I didn’t get home til around 10:30pm and by that time I had missed the live online draft of my other Fantasy Baseball team, which I was fine with.  I trusted my autorankings and was rewarded, but it wasn’t half as rewarding as the enthralling experience of making yet another film with my friends.  I hope we do another one soon, whether or not there’s a film contest to win.

Posted in entertainment, family, Fantasy Baseball, filmmaking, hosting, Weekend Recap | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Most Important Blog Post Ever Written

Posted by evankessler on February 27, 2009

Economic crisis, international terrorism, countries teetering on the brink of war, the impending start of World Baseball Classic; all of these are things that currently weigh heavily on the minds of global citizens.  Sometimes, however, a story comes along that is so so pressing in it’s  effect on the international landscape  that it must be pushed to the forefront of all other news headlines…even if those headlines are Best and Worst dressed lists.

Ladies and gentlemen, as of 7:30pm on February 26th Robert Pattinson and Hugh Jackman have sung karaoke together.

One Small Note For A Man...One Giant Chorus For Mankind

One Small Note For A Man...One Giant Chorus For Mankind

Without the brave journalistic efforts by E Online, this high point in celebrity minutia may have never been brought to light.  Not only did E answer the basic who’s and what’s of reportage, but they also delved into the where’s and why’s.  As it turns out this dynamic duet took place in Tokyo, Japan because both actors were there to promote movies.  Unfortunately, the “how” question was never answered and we’re a little fuzzy on just what song the dapper pair crooned together.  Hopefully, more details will be made readily available soon enough.  In the meantime…here’s a photo of someone famous to tide you over.


Posted in Celebrity, entertainment, humor, Karaoke | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Catch A Rising Star

Posted by evankessler on November 20, 2008


I couldn’t sleep last night so in order to curtail my own restlessness I decided it would be a good idea to google myself.  Somewhere between the 19th and 22nd pages of the search results I came upon an IMDB page for myself.  Now, I know I spent a good deal of time toiling away in TV Production, but I never took it upon myself to create an IMDB page.  Sure, I’ve created several other self-promotional pages (this one being the most obvious), but I never once felt compelled to see myself listed alongside the likes of Martin Scorcese and Steve Guttenberg, unless of course there was to one day be a film based on my life.  Then I’d gladly have Guttenberg portraying me while Scorcese directed.

So imagine my surprise when I clicked on it and found details about my involvement in the production world.  Sure they didn’t list my involvement in VH1’s Top 20 Video Countdown or any of my time working on the I Love The 70’s, 80’s or 90’s series’, or even the R. Kelly Trapped In The Closet Special, but they did however note that I served as a Story Producer on Soapnet’s The Fashionista Diaries.  Despite the correct documentation of my role in that production I was disheartened to see that I was listed as being involved in only two of the ten episodes, when in fact I served the same role throughout the duration of the series.  I have no doubt that someone in IMDB-land will see fit to correct this error.  Other than that, I’m quite pleased with being visible in yet another of the World Wide Netweb’s virtually countless avenues.

The most delightful part about this find was the encouraging sight of the StarMeter.  According to this popularity-gaging instrument it would seem that my STARmeter reading has risen 121% in the past week.  I have no idea why this is, but it is certainly an encouraging sign that things are headed in the right direction for me.  Maybe if I move to Hollywood it will skyrocket 200%.

A Closer Look at My STARmeter

A Closer Look at My STARmeter

Actually, I think this STARmeter thing could be a great new strategy in convincing potential literary agents to take on any projects I pitch their way.  All I’d have to say is, “look at my STARmeter…If that’s not enough to tell you this book will sell then I don’t know what is.”

In a related story Natalie Portman’s STARmeter is down 6% today.  I think she needs to latch herself onto someone up and coming; someone whose star has recently risen more than 120%, otherwise her career could be in danger.

Posted in Celebrity, entertainment, Exclusive, Media, Pop Culture, random facts, Television, VH1 | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Final D’Bate ’08

Posted by evankessler on October 15, 2008

Well, the final d’bate of the election season has passed and I couldn’t be happier.  Now all we have to do is sit back and let the candidates give stump speeches and try not to say something horribly controversial that out and out cause them lose the race.  With that in mind, I have some quick hit thoughts about this last d’bate.

#1 I was originally weirded out by the setup of the debate.  Obama and McCain at the same table?  Would there be kicking going on under there?  Would John McCain be forced to look at Barack Obama?  Would their closeness prompt angry Grandpa McCain to take a swing to shut up the upstart whippernsnapper?

#2 McCain seemed to echo the sentiment “American’s are angry and they’re hurting” about six times in his first answer.

#3: McCain ran with turning this actual “Joe the Plumber” person into a metaphor for “Joe Six-pack” way too often to the point where I had no idea what he was talking about anymore.  McCain seemed to lose sight of who Joe Plumber was. First he was a small business owner; then Joe the Plumber was the everyman.  McCain seemed to stumble over trying to involve Joe the Plumber in each of his points instead of just answering questions flat out.

#4: McCain had the zinger of the night with his “If you wanted to run against George Bush, you should’ve run against him four years ago” line.

#5: Obama appeared composed throughout McCain’s accusations  and answered them with poise.

#6 I guess I’m not surprised that Bob Schieffer brought up the issue of the name calling by campaigns.  In my mind, the word “terrorist” is a lot worse than “liar”.   I am surprised by the audacity of John McCain to act as though Obama shouldn’t be as insulted as he should for being linked to civil rights era racism.  Congressman Lewis wasn’t saying that he and Sarah Palin had a hand in blowing up churches in the 1960’s…but the sort of campaign he is running by trying to link Barack Obama with the word “terrorist” is fostering the sort of divisiveness that leads to that sort of behavior.  If anything, McCain should have apologized for his tactics and moved on instead of continuing to talk about Ayers.

#7 John McCain is proud of the people who go to his rallies.  Even the ones who shout “terrorist” and “kill him?”

#8 McCain barely endorsed his own running mate, just repeating the ol’ watchwords Reformer and “bresh of freth air” in “Warshington”.  He seemed to give Biden a more ringing endorsement.

#9  So we shouldn’t take women whose lives are at risk into account when it comes to abortion, John McCain?

#10 ACORN is on the verge of destroying the fabric of democracy?

#11 Enough awkward jokes McCain…You do not have a very good sense of humor…and there’s nothing I hate more than people who think they’re funny and are not.

#12 Probably not a great idea to repeatedly say how eloquent your opponent is Senator McCain.  I know what you were getting at, but your lack of eloquence disguises the point you are making.  Yes, Barack Obama is eloquent and he also does a better job of outlining his ideas instead of mumbling, telling bad jokes, and getting all angry ‘n’ stuff.

#13 It’s still really creepy when John McCain smiles.  I don’t want a President who creeps me out when he smiles.

#14 All in all, I think McCain came on strong at first with attacks but his willingness to go on the offense just ended up seeming angry and impatient as usual.  Obama stayed cool and was prepared to handle all of his accusations with a seemingly strong handle on facts and measured explanations for rebuttal.

#15 Bob Schieffer did the best job out of all of the debate moderators this election.

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A Dog Eat Dog World

Posted by evankessler on October 14, 2008

Chihuaha x Paris Hilton = Please Help Us Canada

Chihuaha x Paris Hilton = Please Help Us Canada

I’m not quite sure what this fascination is with talking dogs, but it seems after 2 weeks filmgoers are still captivated by Beverly Hills Chihuahua against all rhyme or reason. The film raked in another $17.5 million this week. Maybe this is all just a bizarre form of escapism from our current economical woes. People probably just want to see dogs talk because they know it’s a lot less real than the prospect of losing everything they own when the volume of the Dow Jones Industrial inevitably reaches zero sometime before Christmas and The Royal Canadian Mounted Police invade the US in order to create the Socialist States of America, handing out health care to everyone who stands in their way.

I’m not really sure I want to live in a country where a movie about a Beverly Hills Chihuahua and a show where Paris Hilton searches for her new BFF are mutually exclusive anyway.  And who’s to say the Canadian takeover didn’t begin long ago.  What with the National Hockey League having been in existence since 1919 and the league’s slow but sure encroachment on into some of our warmer environs; I say the non-hostile gerrymandering of country lines was set in motion well before Pamela Anderson replaced Farrah Fawcett as the standard for pin up models and began to repeatedly marry our rapidly depleting stock of hepatitis c addled drummers.

If John McCain wins the Presidential Election on November 4th, that will be the last straw.  I will outstretch my open arms towards our nanooks to the North, entreating them to join our two nations together.  And if they respond favorably to that moment, I will greet them as liberators, eh.

Posted in Celebrity, economics, entertainment, movies, Patriotism, Politics, Pop Culture | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Hillz

Posted by evankessler on July 16, 2008

Dear Black America,

You have such a rich, proud, cultural heritage. Please refrain from co-opting our penchant for voraciously indulging in our own vapidity and rewarding limited talent with celebrity. It’s all we’ve got.


White America

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