Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Archive for October, 2010

The Rent is Too Damn High

Posted by evankessler on October 29, 2010

Stache and Burns: A New Buddy Cop Comedy Coming to A Theater Near You This Holiday Season

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Bringing It All Back Home

Posted by evankessler on October 27, 2010

I had a bit of a shock yesterday. I was applying for two separate positions for pop culture blogger and media blogger at the New York Observer, when I went fishing for some links to old posts I did for OneRiot. Much to my surprise and chagrin, I  learned that the entire OneRiot blog had been expunged from the online universe. That meant a large number of my culture and current events portfolio pieces had been abruptly flushed down the drain of the world wide web.

Unfortunately, I had taken very few, if any, screen shots of these wonderful and relevant specimens of wit and writing ability. It was a crushing blow to my professional prospects, for when one sends out clips to a prospective employer, it’s best that these clips have a reputable label affixed to them. The OneRiot blog had been nominated for a South x Southwest award and had a reasonably slick design. In short, it was a lot more official looking than my personal blog.

Luckily, there is a thing called email. Seeing as I wasn’t authorized to access and post directly to the OneRiot blog myself, all of these posts had to be submitted via messages sent to my editors or by sharing on GoogleDocs. Although they may not currently live online in edited post form, they’re hidden in the dark recesses of my inbox and shared document folder.

In efforts to recreate the magic of these past posts, I shall be undertaking a massive reclamation project to make them live again online in the archives of EvanKessler.com. Each post will be accompanied by the OneRiot logo as seen below (usually in the upper right hand/left hand corner):

Let the process begin. This may or may not be a long slog.

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Snack to Work

Posted by evankessler on October 26, 2010

Most people take great pains to make their workspace feel like their home away from home, putting up pictures of their favorite celebrities or artistic renderings. Not having been a workplace regular over the past few years, my places of business have been cafes  that weren’t necessarily  susceptible to my decorative whims. Now that I actually go into an office every day,  I’m allowed some aesthetic say in my work environment. Though I often shift from one cubicle to another in my current situation, my sometimes cubemate and I have taken great pains to make our frequently shared cubicle feel like a home. Our goal is to either make mosaic murals out of our snack wrappers or just cover the entire wall in them. It’s an artistic choice we feel okay with.

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Whatever You Think This Is…

Posted by evankessler on October 24, 2010

Whatever you think this is, you’re more than likely on the right track.

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Favorite Things Friday: The Constitution

Posted by evankessler on October 22, 2010

I’m an American. And as an American I think I should have a few favorite things that are distinctly American. My favorite thing I want to discuss briefly this Friday is the United States Constitution.

So what do I like about the Constitution? I like that it gives us certain inalienable rights. I like that it doesn’t tell us what to do about anything. I like that it tells the government not to do any governing, because that would totally violate those inalienable rights.  Most importantly, I like the passage where Thomas Jefferson wrote, “The founding fathers (myself included) wish it to be  taught in all public schools that Jesus thought it was a good idea that we all be allowed to carry guns. ”

Another favorite part of the Constitution that I love so dearly, is the section where it  gives me “the right to bear arms.” I don’t know what the founding fathers were into in their personal lives, but if I’ve got that worded correctly, it means the  the government can’t impinge on my right to kill a bear, cut off his arms, and sew them to my own so that I could walk around like some sorta bear zombie. Pretty cool.

Those to me are the best parts of the United States Constitution, the document that makes America the place I love. I hope whatever amendment that stuff is in doesn’t get repealed, because it would be a damn shame. That’s why if I lived in Delaware, I’d vote for Christine O’Donnell. Because if god didn’t want a virginal, ex-witch Senator to interpret the Constitution, then why the hell is there one running in the first place?

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Thursday’s Main Event

Posted by evankessler on October 21, 2010

Who: Me, Geniot Films, You, Other People in Brooklyn

What: Screening for the films of the 2010 Brooklyn Film Race, Most importantly, “Mesa Del Fuego.”

When: 7pm tonight

Where: Brooklyn Heights Cinema- 70 Henry St. Brooklyn, NY

Why: Because you want to see all of the great films that people made in 24 hours last weekend and you have nothing better to do and you don’t want to be totally uncool. And if you don’t go no one will like you anymore.

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Wednesday Wisdom: The Road to Happiness

Posted by evankessler on October 20, 2010

“The road to happiness isn’t initially paved. It’s actually covered in a lot of thick vegetation. Before you get around to paving  it, you have to hack at it with a machete, bulldoze some trees, and chase out all of the indigenous peoples that may have stood in the way of  it becoming a four-lane highway to your  smiles.”- Evan Kessler

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Tribute Tuesday: I Once Had A Beard…

Posted by evankessler on October 19, 2010

I started growing my beard in the fall of 2006 after lifelong bouts with smooth-facedness and excessive shaving. It was a good beard; it wasn’t particularly groomed well nor did it adhere to the latest fashions, but it framed my face well and kept me warm during cold winter nights. Now, with the majority of it removed leaving and me a mustachioed wreck, I’ve decided to take a fond look back at the time me and my fuzzy face covering spent together on this earth. For though its bristles may have been swept down the drain, my memories of it have not been. Without further ado, on this “Tribute Tuesday,” I present to you my original montage entitled “I Once Had A Beard, But That Was A Long Time Ago.”

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Mustachioed Monday

Posted by evankessler on October 18, 2010

Towards the end of last week I promised EvanKessler.com would be rejuvenated by a “theme week” and possibly a new physical appearance.  While I didn’t get around to revamping the site’s visual presentation, I myself have had somewhat of an image makeover. No, I didn’t get “Queer-eyed,” nor did I undergo extensive plastic surgery to make me look like David Sanborn; I did, however, participate in the 24 hour film race with my brilliant friends that make up Geniot Films; and as my creative friends well know, sometimes in support of artistic endeavors one is forced to make sacrifices. For the sake of the film my facial hair was put on the chopping block.  After four whole years of being a beacon of bearded good humor, the dark brown brush that has since lined and defined the outer perimeter of my visage is no more. And so I dub today “Mustachioed Monday.”

There was some initial resistance when the suggestion was made to de-bristle me so that I might more realistically fill the role of Ignacio en “Mesa Del Fuego.” I thought about it for a minute or so and promptly gave in. I’m all about method acting and achieving the look was pivotal in becoming Ignacio, the lively Mexican poker bandido with a poor command of the spanish language and an even poorer command of the game of poker.

Before: Evan, The Friendly Bearded Fellow Next Door

Después: Ignacio quiere que todas sus fichas

So was it worth losing my old friend, Mr. Beard, for a few hot minutes of film racing action? Well, I subscribe to the theory that “change is good” as well as the reassuring ancient proverb that states, “it’ll grow back.”  But that question isn’t really for me to answer anyway, it’s for you to judge when you watch “Mesa Del Fuego!”

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Theme Week

Posted by evankessler on October 14, 2010

I’m looking to breathe new life into EvanKessler.com. Not only with fresh content and a steady flow of astonishing wit, but with that special something  that may one day draw more readers. A wise person once said to me, when I was pitching to them one of my 60 different site ideas, “Why don’t you just put that on you own site instead? You have great ideas but too many sites.”

I stubbornly laughed them off, insisting each unique idea had to live somewhere else and persist as it’s own wacky web address. While some of those sites have worked out temporarily, I’m willing to concede now that this wise soul was correct. In no way could  I maintain the feverish pace of keeping up so many different ideas in so many spaces. So while I figure out the best way to diversify and engage an audience, I figured next week I should test out a special approach. Each day of the working week shall have a theme like Music Monday, Twitter Tuesday, Wallpaper Design Wednesday…and so on.  I promise they won’t be as boring as those I just spouted off, I just haven’t figured out what I’m going to do yet, so I came up with the most mundane concepts to ensure that I don’t repeat them.

If my passion for blogging flourishes anew, I shall also look to do a redesign. I know how exciting that is to all of you. It’s time this thing started to resemble a real website…maybe. Stay tuned.

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