Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Brilliant Idea #807: The Sandwich Shop

Posted by evankessler on August 6, 2010

I have a lot of brilliant ideas. Ask me some time, I’ll share some of them with you. The latest stroke of genius inspired by some form of secular divinity came about the other day as I was wandering the streets of Brooklyn trying to conjure up a clever name for my 2010 Fantasy Football league team.

Pop cultural references were being batted around my cranium, largely failing to adhere themselves to the center of my brain that derives pleasure from subtle and not-so-subtle wordplay. Somewhere in the flurry of politically incorrect sports references grew a gem of subtle hilarity not at all related to the sports world, instead referencing one of the more beloved televised cultural landmarks of the 1980’s- Miami Vice.

The name in question was Crockett & Subs.

Perfect Sandwich Pitchmen

Initially, I didn’t think of Crockett & Subs as anything beyond a great name for a fantasy football team, provided I could find a photo of Don Johnson eating a sandwich to use as my team logo; but the more I thought about it it became painfully obvious that Crockett & Subs might be the best name for a sandwich shop in the history of the world.

The success of this newly thought out culinary venture would depend on two things:

1) The finest quality ingredients

2) Location, Location, Location.

Now, the first part of that equation goes without saying. Who aspires to open an eatery with the lowest quality ingredients that isn’t opening a Taco Bell franchise? So really the only area left to focus is on the place of business. Now in order for Crockett & Subs to be a profitable business it would have to be located:

a) in Miami

b) Any town named Crockett in the USA

c) Universal Studios Theme Parks

Option b is quickly cut out of the equation because the irony and hilarity might be totally lost on someone living in a town like Crockett, TX. So clearly, in order to be appreciated to its fullest extend it must exist in either Miami or Universal Studios.

Universal Studios is less of an appealing option due to the fact that amusement park food is usually over-priced and is not really focused on quality and craftsmanship.

This leaves the final option of Miami as the most natural location for a Crockett & Subs location. Now, I’d be all for moving my operation down to Miami and starting up this fine business if there weren’t two glaring obstacles:

1) I don’t have the capital.

2) I consider the state of Florida to be the most god forsaken place on the planet Earth.

But who knows, if the right pieces come together and if I ever decide that getting my house blown over by a hurricane on a yearly basis isn’t so bad, I might just start this baby up.

Who knows? Maybe I’d even let Philip Michael Thomas work there, but only on the condition he’d let me call him “Subs” the entire time.


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