Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

The Long Arm of YouTube

Posted by evankessler on January 28, 2010

The bandwidth taken up by the massive video oversharing outlet known as Youtube is littered with literally thousands of examples of “nontent” (a new word I made up meaning videos with absolutely no discernible use or enjoyable content).  While plenty of uploaders, like that Fred kid, should probably be arrested for continually posting ridiculous attempts at “entertainment,” there is currently no statute that outlaws being an annoying online presence.

There are plenty of other laws in place, however, that make other things illegal.  For instance, armed robbery is illegal, as is the smoking and possession marijuana in most US states– when not accompanied by a prescription. It’s true that one of those transgressions is more heinous than the other. Regardless, it’s probably not a great idea to post yourself engaging in either illegal act on Youtube.

For one Nebraska father the lure of Internet fame via the frequent production of such “nontent” was far too great though, leading him to ignore this heaping dose of common sense. Fourty-four-year-old David Johnson posted over 90 videos on the broadcast site, most of which contained him and his two sons engaging in reefer madness. Now not only has the very public offender been ripped of his 50 bongs, but he is also being charged with misdemeanor child abuse and possession of drug paraphernalia and marijuana. On top of that, his eldest son is also facing possession charges and his 17-year old tyke has been placed in foster care.

Way to go dad!  This tragic family tale of video-sharing gone wrong has given us cause to come up with a few other things you shouldn’t broadcast on youtube, lest the long arm of the law come and take you away.

Mattresses Tag Removal- There’s no more reviled crime in the furniture industry than taking a scissor to that hanging fabric warning.  Keep your tag tearing tendencies to yourself.  We hear there are no mattress labels in the big house.

File Sharing- The struggling Music Business is always looking for a way to diversify their profit intake.  Sometimes making millions off Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and American Idol winners just isn’t enough.  Don’t give them a reason to suspect you’re worth a lawsuit by broadcasting your individual digital downloading sins.

Jaywalking- Jaywalking is no joke.  Well, it is if you’re Jay Leno and that’s the name of a segment on your show.  On second thought, that’s not funny either.  Don’t post videos of yourself imitating Jay Leno segments on the Internet.

Theater Hopping- Thou shalt not post theater-hopping tutorials. You paid $20 including popcorn and soda to see Avatar and Avatar only. If you want to see Tooth Fairy, you’re going to have to pony up an additional $12 or so.

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