Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

The Road to 2010 and Beyond

Posted by evankessler on January 7, 2010

It’s been over a month since my words were last encoded on this here site and while I’d love to lavish some sort of exciting tale as to where I’ve been all this time,  I’m afraid  my only reasonable explanation is, “sometimes a man just needs a breather.”  After all, I’ve been writing almost every day on OneRiot and honestly don’t think my everyday existence in the month of December was worth writing home or the far corners of the world blessed with Internet access about.

To sum it up it’s been a mixture of horrible occurrences and enjoyable holiday-themed parties which thankfully drew to a close when the clock struck midnight on December 31st, 2009.  Rather than close the loop right there I’ll spare you the lowlights that closed out 2009 and keep you abreast of the positive.

December 4th– My good friends Matt and Jenny threw a wonderfully classy gala to kick off the Holiday season.  I wore a tuxedo. There were delicious little ham and cheese sandwiches and pumpkin dip.  Matt got on the floor and danced to David Bowie.  I have video. I spent a lot of time talking with Stephanie K and her boyfriend Andrew of Mahogany.  Tricia (pronounced Tree-See-Ya) from Brazil put a Pillbox hat on my head. Pictures were posed for.

Not A Brand New Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat

December 11th-Andrew M had a pretty sweet party to not only celebrate the first evening of the Choliday known as Chanukah (which I really prefer to spell Hannukah, but that was my attempt at a horribly lame Hebrew language joke) but also his preferred holiday known as Christmas.  Even though it was 14 days away we got into the Christmas spirit by drinking wine and bourbon and rockin’ around the Christmas tree with Bill M, Gigi, Laura B, Laura R, Dan F, Krissy S, and a few others. Later in the evening Dan F took his shirt off, though he lacked a proper change of costume in the form of a gorilla suit or banana suit, so he settled for some of Andrew’s clothes. Krissy also made me sing the Hannukah prayer a 2nd time.  A fun time was had buy all…photos were taken.

"On The First Night of Hannukah My True Love Gave To Me..."

Andrew Next To Dan Aykroyd In Spies Like Us

December 12th- Zak and Emma added to the total of sweet holiday bashes.  This one may have been the tops thanks to the hot toddies, backyard fire pit, and above all the yankee gift swap.  Being by the fire with a hot refreshing drink  and meeting a wonderful group of people aside…the Yankee gift swap was the star of the evening.  I ended up having the 3rd to last pick of the gift litter. Plenty of desirable gifts were traded prior to my pick including  a set of glasses from Crate & Barrell, a set of nunchucks along with some other weaponry, and a duck alarm clock.  I figured I might be trading up with someone who went before me.  There were but a few gifts left under the tree, none of which had packages that caught my eye in the early going.  So to decide I engaged in a round of eeny-meeny-miny-moe, which left me pointing to a bag.  I had previously surmised that nothing good could come in a bag, but how wrong I was as I unwrapped the gift paper surrounding my prize I was met by the fearsome brass-like head of what appeared to a cougar.  As I examined it further I came to realize that not only was I the could-be owner of a brass cougar head, but I was the could-be proud owner of a brass cougar head stapler!  Game. Set. Match.

I quietly prayed over the next 2 gifts that no one would see fit to rob me of my coveted present.  The person that followed me netted bacon jam, so I was safe…and the final gift belonged to someone who was not there…I believe.  I was in the clear.  I spent the rest of my evening carefully caressing cougarhead stapler.  The best gift of all-time.

This Coming Chinese New Year is The Year Of The Cougarhead Stapler

December 13th- On a day I hadn’t planned anything I was invited to attend the birthday Bill M, proprietor of Wasabassco Burlesque and brother of Andrew M,  at Union Hall.  I had only planned to go for one drink but was having entirely too much fun as our small crowd of friendly revelers made snide comments at the overly enthusiastic bocce players before that gave way to our play-by-play critique of a first date in-progress.  Let’s just say the girl was exhibiting very friendly body language while the guy was increasingly awkward and did not mirror said language at all.  None of us thought he would score, but Andrew was increasingly optimistic.  Unfortunately, I left before seeing anything come to fruition.

December 16th- House Hannukah Dinner- Departing roommate Sara B made latkes and applesauce which were delicious.  All 5 roommates ate dinner together and played a lengthy game of dreidel.  Matt G stubbornly refused to use any Hebrew terms throughout, instead preferring to use the english word printed on each side, which oddly didn’t correspond to the outcome of each spin.

December 17th:Home for the Holiday- Went home to Rockland with my brother and his girlfriend to exchange gifts and celebrate Mom’s birthday.  I got a shirt and some loot, not to mention heaps of delicious leftovers that I promptly polished off in the next day or so.  Mmmm…Latkes.

December 19th: Snowpocalypse 2009- The lord unleashed fury in the form of snow on the Eastern Seaboard.  We probably got between 6 and 9 inches of snow.  Rather than just sit in and watch the snow outside, I trekked through gusty winds and piles of white powder all the way to Fort Greene to celebrate Ajay’s birthday at Der Shwarze Kolner.

Surviving Snowpocalypse '09

Early on in the night I ran into my old college friend Craig D.  We caught up for a bit. Jason, Kayvalyn, Kishore and Morwin were also showed up eventually.  Later on in the evening, Kishore, Kayvalyn, Jason and I  trekked further into Fort Greene despite the threat of Tauntaun snow beasts and an ever-increasing,  treacherous amount of snow.  We went to Jason’s co-worker’s party that happened to be in some weird frat house.  It was one of the more bizarre party’s I’d been to…but that’s what happens when you’re in the midst of a snowpocalypse.

December 23rd- Trivia night at Pete’s Candy Store.  Our team “Avatarded” consisting of Myself, Suli, and Morwin nets 2nd place.  We get a free round.

December 24th- Suli and I see Avatar.  The visuals are great, the story is lame.  It’s in 3D.

Still December 24th- I got with my friend CS to a Jewish Christmas thing at a bar called Destination in the East Village.  They have a piñata that is shaped like a hundred-dollar bill.  I’m still trying to decide if this was Anti-Semitic.  On the plus side, they did offer free Chinese food.

Happy Jewish Christmas?

December 25th: Christmas Day– Watched Food Inc. and decided that Monsanto was the most evil corporation in the world.  Had Christmas dinner at Katz’s delicatessen with my brother.  A Japanese tourist came up to me because my Matzo Ball soup had piqued her curiosity.  Got home relatively early and watched The Deer Hunter for the first time ever.  Wow. That’s a powerful movie.  Avatar can suck it.

December 26th- Watched Food Inc. and decided that Monsanto was the most evil corporation in the world.
Watched Cool Hand Luke for the first time ever.  Another powerful movie.  Avatar can still suck it.

December 29th- My friend Joe bought a house in Pearl River.  Suli, Rich, Lina, and I went to Pearl River to see his new house. In other news, my friend is grown up enough to have his own house with a wife, a front yard and fridge full of Hot Pockets.  You know, the works.

December 30th- Hung out with my friend Victor’s friends who were visiting from Spain in Williamsburg.  Good times and a good opportunity to practice mi espanol.  Unfortunately, I have no photos.

New Year’s Eve- The day started early as Eric, Laura B, and I got the house ready for the party.  Actually, it was mostly Eric and Laura B.  I had the difficult task of making a musical mix for the evening in addition to the brownies I baked. Laura did a fantastic job of decorating the kitchen with ornaments and making some sort of weird apple rum punch.  Eric made a 22 lb turkey with stuffing and gravy amongst other things.  He also made pizza rolls.  Maureen, in from LA, came over early and helped out with said pizza rolls.

The crowd started rolling in some time after 9 to ring in the new year.  We tried to make a fire pit on the deck but the rain quashed that dream.  The party however was a rousing success.  Dick Clark was back on the air, Katie H announced her pregnancy, Maureen made up a list of everyone who was going to appear on Dick Clark’s Rockin’ eve including Fyodor Dostoyevsky.  Champagne was spilled all over Laura B’s room.  The Black Eyed Peas performed too many times from Vegas.  Jason, Kayvalyn, Suli and Andy showed up after midnight.  My good friend Brian who lives in Idaho showed up around 3am with his girlfriend Jess.  We met up with friends at Union Hall and closed down the bar.  Before it was all over I determined that 2010 would be the year I do it for the ladies, which led to this enduring image.

2010! The Year I Do It For The Ladies

January 1st- New Year’s Day Hangover.  Brunch at Stone Park for 14.  Mmm… Pork Belly B-L-T.   Later that evening…My first time at Bull McCabe’s in probably 8 years to hang out with Jess I and Mike G, who had just been married the week before but would be celebrating their wedding the next day in Ft. Greene.

January 2nd- Housewarming Brunch at Lauren and Rosario’s in Ft. Greene although Ajay and I had already warmed said apartment 5 or 6 month’s earlier.  A small crowd was on hand to drink mimosas and compliment Lauren on her flavorful salsa.

In the evening it was back to Ft. Greene this time dressed to the 9’s, but not in a tuxedo (I consider that 10’s) for Jess and Mike’s wedding dinner.  I spent a lot of time talking  to Brian,Jess, and Marika as well as Jess’s friend Frances, who I hadn’t seen in many years.  I spent a good portion of the latter part of the party convincing Jaime W-G to give her maid of honor speech she had prepared.  She kept hoping it would go away, but I kept bringing up to everyone she was talking to so she wouldn’t get off the hook.  She wrote a wonderful speech, it would be a shame if it had gone to waste.

Jaime W Speechifies The Room

I Call This One Married Couple in Black and White

Frances drove me to the bar after in her car, but as we walked to her car to make the drive I noticed lights on a car in front of us turn on.  I thought this was Frances’s car that she had just unlocked… it wasn’t.  I opened the passenger side door to see an African-American woman with a look of confusion painted on  her face as she talked on her phone.  I quickly shut the door, realizing I wasn’t getting in that automobile.  Frances had a honda.  She drove us safely to High Dive for some drinks after the party. A few drinks were had and then we all went our separate ways.

January 5th- Brian and his girlfriend Jess came in and we went to Dinosaur BBQ for dinner.  Sweet…sweet Dinosaur BBQ.

Alright, that about catches me up to present day. Onward and upward.  2010! Let’s go hang out in the den.


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