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Elin Gets Revenge with New Cat

Posted by evankessler on December 17, 2009

Rumors of the pending divorce between Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods have been spreading like wildfire over the past 24 hours. Sources have the scorned ex of the world’s best golfer fleeing back to Sweden with the kids, where they will eventually be calling a blonde-haired, blue-eyed man named Bjorn or Ingmar their new daddy. If that weren’t enough to send Tiger Woods hurtling into a deep black hole of melancholy, the promiscuous links legend is having his loss of sponsorship thrown in his face by his once-beloved blond beauty.

Having had Accenture recently bail out on him, the Nike spokesman’s soon-to-be former spouse is being courted by the competition in what can best be described as a revenge sponsorship. Elin Nordegren is allegedly involved in talks to be the spokesperson for Nike rival Puma and their Sweden-inspired clothing line, Tretorn.  Now we don’t no where this ranks on the vengeance scale (probably only 5 or so on a scale from 1 to 10), but imagine if other scorned lovers of celebrities decided to take on causes or sponsorships just to get back at their ex-spouses. What’s that you say, you can’t imagine?  Well we can and here’s a few we came up with:

Robyn Moore- Mel Gibson divorced his wife of nearly 29 years after she popped out seven kids for the Lethal Weapon star and Oscar-winning director so he could make kid #8 with his new girlfriend. For revenge, Mel’s longtime beau would agree to produce her own “passion” project with her money from the divorce settlement: “The Story of Chanukah.”

Larry Fortensky- The eight husband of Hollywood legend Elizabeth Taylor was unceremoniously disposed of in 1996. Rather than take the break up like a chump, we would’ve liked to see Fortensky become the spokesman for Shalimar, a rival fragrance to Taylor’s White Diamonds. It makes sense since we imagine he’s probably spent a good load of time sniffing it in strip clubs ever since the divorce.

Guy Ritchie- Brit-director and ex-husband of Madonna had the pleasure of seeing his ex-wife take a bundle of joy that she renamed “David” back to be raised as the couple’s son. While Madonna has done great work in Malawi, Ritchie gets his revenge by opening a rival orphanage and putting his energy towards strengthening their connection to their culture, instead of adopting a kid, renaming it and subsequently forcing him to watch mommy thrust her vagina towards strangers on tour every night.

If the taste of revenge is sweet, then Hollywood just may be the sugar capital of the world. With every bitter star-studded divorce comes with it a desperate yearning to dole out some comeuppance.  Who will get the opportunity in 2010? We can only wait and see.

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