Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Jon & Kate’s Expiration Date

Posted by evankessler on November 24, 2009

Yesterday evening the very last episode of the half-hour-long child exploitation-athon and bad parenting primer known as Jon and Kate Plus 8 took it’s final bow on TLC. On the bright side, when the Gosselin kids want to recall their childhood trauma in therapy years later, all they have to do is pop on season 4 disc 2 and watch it with their analyst. While, we the viewing public will always have our memories of the early years of the Gosselin kids, after 5 seasons and 116 episodes it’s time to move on.

The show’s loyal legion of viewers will have to find something better to do than watching eight children have tea parties or mill around aimlessly while their parents argue, angle for sponsorships and scar them for life with TV cameras following their every move. So what’s next for fans of the show who have a weekly 30-minute void to fill now that Jon and Kate has reached it’s expiration date?  We at OneRiot have a few ideas:

  • Exercise- The American Heart Association recommends that all adults get at least 30-minutes of physical activity each day.  Now’s your chance America. Enroll in a spin class or better yet, Jazzercise!
  • Cook- Rachael Ray boasts cookbooks full of 30-minute meals. Rather than sit in the KFC drive-thru waiting for your bucket of the Colonel’s Original Recipe that you were planning on eating during the show, why not use that half-hour of extra time to make a home-cooked meal?
  • Make Sweet LoveThe average lovemaking session lasts 15 minutes.  Why not try to be above average by trying to occupy the 30-minutes previously taken up by Jon & Kate with a bit of romance–or you know, just go twice. You might end up having a “plus 8” of your own.
  • Spend Time With Your Kids- If you have kids and you’ve forgotten about them for the 30-minutes each week that Jon and Kate are damaging theirs; what better way to reconnect by reading them a story –or following them around with a video camera to see if they have an on-screen presence you might be able to exploit given the current void in the reality TV child exploitation market?
  • Develop A Hobby- Building model airplanes is great fun–and the glue, well that’s another story altogether.
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