Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Grounded for Flight

Posted by evankessler on November 19, 2009

The minutes leading up to any airplane departure can be wrought with restlessness and boredom.  That’s why most airport interiors resemble malls. What better thing to do before you leave a city than stimulate its economy because you can’t go anywhere else. Many cities across the US are benefiting from this not-so-coincidental combination of commerce and aviation today, as an FAA glitch forced all sorts of flight delays across the nation. We here at OneRiot don’t want to speculate that this is just a government conspiracy to stimulate the economy, but we’re pretty sure plenty of folks are milling around airports with money to spend, curiously eying that kiosk with the $300 noise-canceling headphones.

We know there are more desirable ways to pass the time when you’re waiting to fly the friendly skies than dilly-dallying in the duty free shops.  So if you’re stranded at your gate and your flight is running late we’ve got some ideas to help you deal with being marooned at the skymall.

  • Introduce Yourself To Your Fellow Strandees- People in the same lousy predicament love complaining to one another and giving each other incredulous looks every time another announcement is made about more delays.  Introducing yourself gives you the ability to put a name to each pained grimace.  “This sucks, doesn’t it Dave?”
  • Ride the moving walkways It’s always fun to compare yourself standing still on the moving walkway with people who are actually walking.  Which one is faster?
  • Eating Contest There’s bound to be a Dunkin’ Donuts somewhere near your gate.  Have each participant buy a 60-pack of munchkins. Whoever eats the most both gains the most weight and can tell all of their friends they won a competitive eating contest.  If pride isn’t your idea of a prize, then gather up enough money to buy the winner a souvenir of that particular city, so they’ll always remember that magical day in Cincinnati.
  • Discover New Hobbies and Interests- The airport magazine store has a vast array of titles covering a wide range of subjects.  Everything from Cat Fancy to NASCAR is at your fingertips.  Maybe when you return home to that lonely urban apartment you’ll realize that your life would be a lot more fulfilling if you had a Calico Kitty rubbing against your leg and purring constantly.
  • Read a book- Sometimes imagining characters in your mind is a heck of a lot better than dealing with those that surround you.  Especially if they’re engaging in some of the activities above.

If none of the activities pique your fancy, we recommend bellying up to the airport bar and learning about the sales business from Rusty, who’s in town from Tulsa for a conference.

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