Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Giving the NFL A Stylish Makeover

Posted by evankessler on November 10, 2009

We’re less two full days removed from the 9th Sunday of the NFL season and it’s already been a super eventful week. The NFL is trending through the roof, which seems to be par for the course throughout this season. There are more than a few stories that have caught the attention of Gridiron devotees ranging from the handing over of playbooks to the handling of fake bribes.While Chad Ochocinco‘s playful cash offer to an official and Larry Johnson being cut by the Chiefs seem to be old news, one of the more popular stories on the social web related to the league has more to do with graphic design than goal line stands.

Ken Carbone of the Fast Company blog has a few suggestions for teams who could stand to improve their helmet logos. We here at OneRiot agree with Ken that some teams could certainly improve their visual representation, but in terms of Mr. Carbone’s actual changes, we think most of his helmet ideas look like unwelcome throwbacks akin to the New York Jets fairly consistent employment this season of their old school “New York Titans” uniforms.

Rather than cede the point to Mr. Carbone, we here at OneRiot have some of our own suggestions, to improve both that which is both unsightly and unseemly in the realm of the NFL. So without further ado, OneRiot’s list of well-warranted surface NFL alterations:

1. Oakland Raiders There are two options for the Raiders here.  The marauder on the side of their helmet isn’t scaring anyone anymore nearly as much as the QB play of JaMarcus Russell (and not in a good way).  As a reminder that the inhabitants of the Black Hole used to be a championship caliber punch-you-in-the-mouth football team, the Raiders should replace the “Raider” with a photo of coach Tom Cable with arm cocked ready to punch the opponent in the jaw, just as he did his Assistant Randy Hanson. However amid allegations the that Cable has also been violent towards women, the Raiders might want to keep it on the safe side and change the photo to a recent image of Oakland Cryptkeeper/Owner Al Davis to strike fear into the hearts of opponents and let them know that death is nigh.

2. Carolina Panthers and Jacksonville Jaguars Every new team that emerged in any sport between 1991 and 1995 for some reason incorporated the color Teal into their uniforms (San Jose Sharks, Florida Marlins).  It’s about time we excised that color both present in these teams’ unis from the sports decorating scheme. It just seems like the product of a bygone era where the incorporation of team colors into a pair of NFL sanctioned Zubaz pants took precedence over the actual visual appeal.

3. Washington Redskins
For years Native American groups have been protesting the nickname for the squad in our nation’s capital.  We see their point; I mean the city thought the name “Bullets” was too sensitive for their basketball team. Not many teams use derogatory terms for ethnic groups as a sense of pride.  We can think of plenty of examples to illustrate why this is wrong, but being white I’ve been told there are words I’m not allowed to say, let alone write. For a quick fix, we suggest renaming the team The Washington Politicians. This fits perfectly because much like the government, Owner Dan Snyder repeatedly promises the state of his team will improve, making grand gestures and spending lots of money in the offseason. Things always look good on the surface, but little improvement is ever made on the infrastructure often giving way to underwhelming results and a team that perennially finishes 8-8 or worse.

4. The New York Jets-
Enough with the throwbacks.  No one cares you were once the Titans.  Put on your green uniforms already.

5. Tennessee Titans- We’ve never been able to shake the feeling that the Titans logo looks like a burning cross.  Not really an ideal image for a team located south of the Mason-Dixon with a now backup QB that once stirred up controversy for using a racial slur towards a teammate (though he’s long since cleaned up his act). We say go back to being the Oilers because those unis were sweet.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: