Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Wal-mart Monster Strikes

Posted by evankessler on September 3, 2009

Kids are like puppies. They can be cute, cuddly, adorable, and fun to play fetch with.  On the flipside, they can also be horrendously annoying; sometimes they even cry and whine for no apparent reason at ear shattering volumes. While the latter characteristics may make them none too appealing to be around–especially if you don’t have to be– it’s important to realize that they are but delicate beings just starting out in this vicious cycle of life, the same way you once were.  So if you ever find yourself in a public place with one who just can’t control their “waa” reflex, we suggest you show some understanding and don’t take your cues from the likes of Roger Stephens.
The 61-year old Atlanta area curmudgeon deserves to be paraded around with a dunce cap (and much worse) as yet another of the perplexed platoon of Wal-mart shoppers.  The crotchety customer became so incensed at the noise pollution being offered by a 2-year old that rather than walk away to a quieter area, he took it upon himself to levy a threat on the child’s mother somewhere along the lines of, “If you don’t shut the baby up, I will shut her up for you.”  Stephens followed through on his promise to slap the child silly, failing to realize that it would probably make the problem worse and constitute possibly the worst kind of assault–assault on a defenseless child.
The senseless coward is now being held without bond at an area jail.  While we’re not ultimately sure what his sentence will be, might we recommend chaining him to the radiator in at room full of crying children for about two years.


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