Last Sunday the fearsome foursome of Fantasy Football squads run by Evan Kessler hit the gridiron with one thing on their non-existent fantasy brains…Revenge. Instead of being doormats of the fantasy lands they occupied on Yahoo and CBS Sportsline they were eyeing 100% domination. While the previous week hadn’t brought complete failure on account of a victory by the now named Hillside Honda of the God Bless Football Sundays league, the three seasoned lineups and one newly auto-drafted faction of unparalleled digital athletes were out for pixelated plasma. Two would be looking for a role reversal, turning themselves from losers to winners and subsequent enjoyers of chicken dinner. One would attempt to maintain steadfast dominance, and finally a fourth would attempt to set a dominant tone out of the starting gate.
So how did it all work out?
Well, let’s just say there were more positives than negatives and a close call in between. Who Favre-ted of the Kazahkstan West league came out with Wide Receivers and newly-minted marquee names a blazin’. Thanks to an impressive performance by Darren Sproles and consistent work by Larry Fitzgerald and Percy Harvin , my team led by 25.90 points heading into Monday night. I felt like this one was all wrapped up until I realized my opponent had Miami RB and regular wildcat Ronnie Brown in his lineup. I didn’t think Ronnie could rack up 26 pts versus the Colts, but there was always the possibility. As I took in the game a large part of my evening was spent staring in disbelief at the ease with which Miami’s offense could operate and eat up the clock. Ronnie Brown had brought his team the lead in the actual game with his frequent touches and knack for moving the ball and as Peyton Manning and his team got the ball back with a chance to win the game in the final 3 plus minutes, Brown had brought my opponent within a point of my score. I hoped for a lengthy, clock killing game winning drive by Indy, but instead I got an immediate score that put Peyton and company in front of the fish with plenty of time to spare. Knowing full well that the dolphins needed a touchdown I held out hope that Pennington would be passing the ball frequently and none of those passes would go to the player who held the fate of my matchup in his hands.
Ronnie Brown: Bringing Me To The Brink of Defeat
The Dolphins last drive was nothing if not poorly managed. Around the third play they handed the ball off to my nemesis. The carry brought the game within three tenths of a point…and when the clock hit the zeros and the colts had won, that’s where it stood. Who Favre-ted had preserved a close call by the score of 121.86 to 121.56
The other games were not so tense. In the God Bless Football Sundays league, in a pronouncement of league dominance, Hillside Honda coasted to a 130.03-67.07 victory behind the dominant trio of Fred Jackson, Frank Gore, and Matt Ryan. The Gay Fish in the US vs. Australia made it look equally as easy in it’s debut by dominating a feeble opponent from down under by the laughable score of 98-68, egged on by stellar performances from Phillip Rivers, Cedric Benson, and Marques Colston.
Unfortunately, that’s where the dominance ends. Instead of putting the nail in the coffin of a perfect 4-0 football weekend there had to be a downside. The Philadelphia Beagles of the by far more competitive and trash talk heavy NYTVW League took a hit for the 2nd consecutive week as they received a proper shellacking to the tune of 139.5-107. The score may have been a lot closer had I decided to start Matt Schaub at QB, who happened to nearly literally explode against the Tennessee Titans, but in truth, I still wouldn’t have won. The blame for the loss once again goes on my running game that more closely resembles an NFL leper colony.
None too pleased with the output of the four-headed backup-caliber monster known as Willie Parker, Lendale White, Ahmad Bradshaw, and the injured LaDainian Tomlinson I decided to make a move. Unfortunately, that move required ridding my team of someone who didn’t resemble a diseased heap of rotting flesh…because you can’t really trade a diseased heap of rotting flesh. So in order to gain a quality runner, I had to split with the self-proclaimed “interesting one,” Chad “Esteban” Ochocinco.
Ochocinco, You Will Be Missed
It was painful to part with the “Hard Knocks” star, but it netted me New York Giants Running Back Brandon Jacobs, who has an absolutely sick schedule coming up, and a serviceable receiver in Jerricho Cotchery. While this move doesn’t guarantee me a win heading into week 3, it’ll have to do in the meantime if this team is going to go to undergo a role reversal from zero to hero.
Brandon Jacobs (a.ka. The New Kid In Town)
So two weeks down, 14 more to go before champions or crowned or left out in the cold. It’s just getting fun…until it gets unfun and losses start happening more than wins. That being said, after 2 weeks, I’m at 4-3. Not a horrible place to be.