Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Venezuela Trumps Them All

Posted by evankessler on August 24, 2009

It had all of the ingredients of an elegant Donald Trump bash; Eighty-three exotic women from all over the world paraded around the stage at the Atlantis Resort and Casino in the Bahamas, alternating between swimsuits and night gowns as Billy Bush pretended to be interested in their answers to questions pertaining to womens lib and other pressing issues of the day, whilst simultaneously staring at their chests.  Yes, it was called the Miss Universe Pageant and it couldn’t have been more classy had Heidi Montag not been performing her new un-hit single “Body Language.” Yes,all the stars were there…including Dean Cain.
For these lifelong pageant hopefuls, years of preparation and layers upon layers of makeup had all been leading up this moment; the moment one of them would be chosen to wear the Miss Universe crown so that they could travel around the world for one whole year,gracefully waving to strangers before eventually falling victim to a life of sex slavery, hosting Entertainment Tonight, or better yet–  a career in Telenovelas.
When the dust settled and all was said and done, Miss Venezuela- Stefanía Fernández– was the one everyone was calling the most beautiful girl in the Universe. The win marked the second straight year Venezuela took the crown, proving that despite our nation’s view of him as being kind of a dictatorial douche, Hugo Chavez is pretty lucky for getting to live in Venezuela.
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