Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Beer Summit Brings New Brand of Justice

Posted by evankessler on July 31, 2009

President Barack Obama, Professor Henry Louis ...

Image via Wikipedia

Rise and shine America, a new day has dawned for our way of life. When you woke up yesterday there were three branches of Government: The Legislative, The Executive, and The Judicial; However, this morning as you look out your window at the summer sun, you should know that one third of those branches is no longer with us.

Despite thenomination and subsequent confirmation of Supreme Court Judge Sonia Sotomayor, the Judicial system is now obsolete.  With the recent advent of the beer summit in which President Obama settled the issue of whether or not Henry Louis Gates was guilty of breaking into his own house by simply inviting the Harvard Professor and his arresting
officer to discuss the charges and the racial strife caused by said charges over a beer, overnight it has become customary to settle all disputes this way.  From now on whether you’re wrongfully accused of murder or were perhaps pulled over for driving under the influence, you’ll be faced with two options:

One, you could put on a suit and be tried by a jury of your peers, or you could down a few with your accuser and effectively reach an understanding in a flurry of four beers.  The latter option is expected to put the court system out of business, but increase the amount of DUIs. The good news is…no more lawyers!

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