Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

NASA Confirms Own Uselessness

Posted by evankessler on July 21, 2009

The crew of the Endeavor may actually be up in space doing space-y things, but it wasn’t an astronaut or even NASA that made this week’s big celestial discovery. While they were out screwing docks together, eating space ice cream and unclogging space toilets (or whatever it is they do up there); a computer programmer and amateur astronomer from the land down under found an impact zone the size of Earth on the surface of Jupiter while stargazing with a 14.5-inch reflecting telescope from the confines of his backyard.

In other words, people in space didn’t notice the planet-sized thing plowing into another planet, but the guy on his lawn did. NASA’s Hawaii-based Jet Propulsion Laboratory confirmed the discovery just to show people that they were doing something other than using all of that funding to have
one kick-ass Luau after another.

Meanwhile, on Jupiter’s surface, thousands of Jupiter-ites are said to be fleeing to the planet Trafalmadore in the hopes of finding life sustaining atmosphere. There have been a constant stream of spaceships fleeing from the site surrounding the impact that has been continually monitored by the amateur Aussie star lover– though NASA admittedly has not been keeping track because they’re too busy trying to come up with excuses of what the point is of having people in space if they’re pretty much not doing anything useful to further science.


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