Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Words Are Like Bullets Vol. 1

Posted by evankessler on July 9, 2009

dictionary

Words are like bullets.  They kind of hurt your ears when you hear them.  Sometimes if they’re too close, they hurt your brain; pierce it even.  Earlier today, I was prompted via a gchat conversation to discuss words that I hate.  These are those words and why I hate them.

1. Hubby- A common term of endearment for women referring to their husbands who assume that you will find the word just as endearing and as cutesy-wootsy as their husbands are to them.

2. Lover- There is nothing tender about this word.  It immediately brings to mind the person wielding this word engaging in carnal acts with the person to whom they have applied this tag.  It very rarely fails to ignite a gag reflex.

3. Random- “Random” suddenly became the most popular word in 1996, around the time the Dave Matthews Band became the most popular band.  Coincidentally, this word was uttered most by fans of the band.  As in: “I was at this random ‘Dave’ show when I randomly ran into this random kid I went to Summer Camp with.  It was so random.”  Actually, it’s not.  You’re both douchebags at the show of a band mostly appreciated by douchebags, there’s nothing “random” about it at all.

"They Played The Most Random Setlist At This Dave Show.  It was Amaaaazing."

"They Played The Most Random Setlist At This Dave Show. It was Amaaaazing."

4. Amazing- I find “amazing” to be the excited verb of the unimaginative.  A few years back I went to Europe with several good friends.  One of the people who accompanied us on the trip wasn’t terribly gifted at expressing his dumbfoundedness at the wondrous sights we were seeing for the first time, that previously had only been as near as photographs in books and on the still fledgling world wide interweb.  Upon arriving at each landmark this person tended to express his overwhelmed nature often (if not always) declaring that what we were seeing was “AMAAAAAAZING!”  When we would encounter new people and they’d ask how certain things were he might describe it as, “the most AMAAAAZING thing” he’d ever seen or just with a simple retread of this highly descriptive word.  It got to the point where everything was “Amazing”:  The food, the sidewalks, our bathroom, Salzburg. You get the picture.  Everything was amazing even if it wasn’t.  It seemed as though he wanted everyone to be jealous of the most amazing things that he had done even if was just take a dump, which I admit can be at times, Amazing.  Since this trip, I haven’t completely sworn off the word, but I reserve it for instances in which I am truly “amazed.”

5. Gotcha- I’m not referring to the Sarah Palin-ized version of the word attached to the word “journalism” (though that is annoying),  nor am I referring to this word’s usage as a title of a quite non-quintessential  1980’s film.  This word is more or less the tool of people who sort of pretend like they know what you’re saying, though they obviously don’t care.  The use of “gotcha”is more or less proof that anything you’ve said has gone in one ear and out the other.

6. Splurge- This just sounds like something the Sex and The City girls do on every shopping trip.

7. Dungarees- This just reminds me of being nagged.  I can hear each syllable coming from my mom’s mouth with that hard g just holding on a little bit too long, “put on some dung-ga-rees.”  Really any longer word that has “dung” in it is not very pretty.

8. Husky- Not in reference to the breed of dog.  I just find this word demeaning to fat children.  As someone who had to frequent husky sections when searching for dress clothes as a child; there’s nothing more pejorative than the thought that adults are trying to trick you into thinking you’re not fat by using a word that reminds you of a cuddly, snow-loving dog.  It’s as if minimal effort is being taken to ensure that the  process of finding a suit jacket that  fits your pudgy frame does not render your self-confidence moot.

9. Blog- I prefer the word “site.”  It’s much more aesthetically and aurally pleasing.  The word blog sounds like digital vomit.  “How’s your blahhg?”

Well, seeing as this site is widely considered a “blaahg” this is a good place to stop.  There are plenty more words of which I disapprove, though they’re not all fresh on the brain.

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One Response to “Words Are Like Bullets Vol. 1”

  1. J said

    you forgot “issues” and “closure”. my random lover also dislikes these words.

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