Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

North Korea Puts Cartographers To Work

Posted by evankessler on June 24, 2009

Atlas publishers and cartographers alike have begun readying their erasers, as earlier today, North Korea threatened to wipe the US clean off the world map.  Kim Jong Il and company placed the portentous writing on the cautionary chalkboard after accusing the United States of trying to provoke Korean War 2 (not to be confused with KW2, Tight End for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers) by following a North Korean vessel on a less than routine delivery of “illicit” weapons to the also suspect nation of Myanmar.

The move is seen as an attempt to test the recent imposed sanction of a no-sail period.  The armed and dangerous nation warns that the interception (and subsequent return for a touchdown) of the vessel would be a declaration of war between the two nations.  The warning is aptly timed as Wednesday is also the eve of the 59th anniversary of the Korean War outbreak.  The original, barbarous conflict lasted three long years (your grandfather, the stories he could tell), ultimately ending in a truce, that never settled the dispute between North and South.   It would only make sense that the sequel should start 59 years later to the day and double the box office gross of the original.

While diplomats worldwide are currently scrambling to get North Korea back to the disarmament talks table, it is believed that the North may soon fire “a Scud missile with a range of up to 310 miles (500 kilometers) or a short-range ground-to-ship missile with a range of 100 miles.”   While neither of those projectiles would land within reach of the United States, the threat of an all out GloboThermoNuclear war is as good a reason as any to drop a few hints to that young looker you’ve had your eye on, in the hopes that you can finally “get it on.”  After all, if it’s going to be the end of the world as we know it, wouldn’t you like to feel fine?


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