Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

PETA’s Presidential Pet Peeve

Posted by evankessler on June 18, 2009

PETA, the organization best known for convincing beautiful women to pose naked for their cause, and for the civil practice of throwing red paint on people wearing fur (to symbolize blood), has taken up arms against a new oppressor of the Kingdom Animalia. The latest target of their wrath is President Barack “Quick Draw” Obama.

The leader of the free world was caught on tape impressively using his lightning fast reflexes to end the life of the pest, better known as the common housefly, whilst it buzzed around his being during an exclusive interview. Now the animal rights organization has their wings in a bit of a flap over the incident. As a result of the Commander-in-chief’s savage swattery, PETA has sent his Executive Highness a message in the form of a less-vicious device for ridding pests from President’s sphere of personal space– a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher. PETA spokesman, Bruce Friedrich, went on to to say that the organization is in favor of “compassion even for the most-curious, smallest and least-sympathetic animals,” in the hopes that the President might– from nowon–put flies into one of those categories. On the bright side, the new gift will allow for the creation of a  new White House Presidential Pest Control post that will entail whomever is appointed to follow Obama at all times with said fly catching instrument.

PETA followedup the giving of their less brutal bug basher with the announcement of their new “get cozy with bedbugs” initiative, which was accompanied by a photo of a nude Pam Anderson with her privates strategically covered by the mattress menaces.

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