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Archive for February, 2009

The Most Important Blog Post Ever Written

Posted by evankessler on February 27, 2009

Economic crisis, international terrorism, countries teetering on the brink of war, the impending start of World Baseball Classic; all of these are things that currently weigh heavily on the minds of global citizens.  Sometimes, however, a story comes along that is so so pressing in it’s  effect on the international landscape  that it must be pushed to the forefront of all other news headlines…even if those headlines are Best and Worst dressed lists.

Ladies and gentlemen, as of 7:30pm on February 26th Robert Pattinson and Hugh Jackman have sung karaoke together.

One Small Note For A Man...One Giant Chorus For Mankind

One Small Note For A Man...One Giant Chorus For Mankind

Without the brave journalistic efforts by E Online, this high point in celebrity minutia may have never been brought to light.  Not only did E answer the basic who’s and what’s of reportage, but they also delved into the where’s and why’s.  As it turns out this dynamic duet took place in Tokyo, Japan because both actors were there to promote movies.  Unfortunately, the “how” question was never answered and we’re a little fuzzy on just what song the dapper pair crooned together.  Hopefully, more details will be made readily available soon enough.  In the meantime…here’s a photo of someone famous to tide you over.


Posted in Celebrity, entertainment, humor, Karaoke | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Vote for OneRiot!

Posted by evankessler on February 18, 2009

Dear Friends, Family, People Whom I May Not Know But Would Welcome Into My Ever-Loving  Good Graces At The Drop Of A Hat,

On November 4th you voted and made your voice heard.  Didn’t it feel great?!?!  The world changed because of you.  Now, I ask you to relive that wonderful feeling…that voting feeling.  While you may not be putting your voice and future on the line by voting for a great man…you can vote for a great blog.

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been writing for a blog called OneRiot since mid-November.  Just recently it was announced that this blog, this OneRiot, was nominated as a finalist in the People’s Choice category for Best Blog at the 12th Annual SXSW Web Awards.   I don’t think I’ve been part of an award-winning anything since 1989 which makes this extra exciting news.

So without any further ado…I urge you to attempt to make my champagne wishes and the site’s caviar dreams come true by heading over to the SXSW Web Awards site and voting for OneRiot as your choice for best blog.  Just follow the prompts and let your click be impressed upon the vote tallying committee and if all goes according to plan, when the winner is announced on March 15th I’ll have something to celebrate.  If not, I’m defriending you all on facebook.
Vote OneRiot!
So remember…don’t be total dicks…Vote Oneriot!
Love (or “Sincerely” depending on how I feel about you),
Evan J. Kessler


Posted in blogging, Politics, Pop Culture | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Funnier Died

Posted by evankessler on February 17, 2009

thumbs-down-colOn the heels of my Thursday evening post, I regret to inform my friends, family, and loyal readers that my in-flight pickup lines par excellence failed to conquer the comic behemoths at FunnyorDie.com and the sky savvy souls at Southwest Airlines.  It seems that my wonderfully witty and somewhat sleazy pickup lines were not deemed as good as two others.  The winning lines read as follows:

1: “roses are red, violets are blue, I’m in Group A, can I sit next to you?”


2: “Girl, why you be waiting in boarding group B like that? I thought angels knew how to fly.”

While I like #2, my ego will not allow me to concede that either of these are better than my best effort…which was arguably the “Snakes on A Plane” one.

I made my disapproval known by posting a Twitter comment aimed at both Funny or Die and Southwest Airlines.  My displeasure did prompt a response from the Southwest Airlines representative who assured me that he/she “really did like the ‘snakes on the plane’ reference!” and then offered to send me up some runner up swag if I were to send them a video of me actually using that line on a member of the opposite sex.   However, due to the fact that I am nobody’s monkey, and I was only in this thing to be the best, not for some measly swag in the form of a t-shirt, I declined the offer.

Plus, it wouldn’t make much sense to use an in-flight pickup line with a specific plane reference in a bar…unless of course it was Flight 151 in Chelsea or Idlewild on the Lower East Side.

Que Sera Sera.

Posted in comedy, FAIL, humor, Internet, Travel, vacation | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Love Is In The Air: Evan Kessler’s In-Flight Pickup Lines Par Excellence

Posted by evankessler on February 12, 2009


I’m not a big fan of the Twitter, but this afternoon I strolled onto the popular micro-blogging site to attempt to draw traffic to some posts on other sites, when I noticed there was a contest being held by FunnyOrDie.com and Southwest Airlines.  The contest asked Twitter users to come up with their best in-flight pickup lines in honor of Valentine’s Day.  In a flash of about two minutes, I came up with three pretty solid ones.  And just before typing up this post I came up with the fourth.   If I don’t win this contest with one of the first three, there has got to be something wrong with the judges. So without any further ado, here they are:

#1: I see these seats go all the way back…how far do you go?

#2: My valentine’s day plans are up in the air. Good thing that’s where we are.

#3:: I don’t see any snakes on this plane, but I sure see a few foxes

#4: I believe I ordered the vegetarian meal. Are you she?

Ok, let me know what you think and feel free to add your own.

Posted in comedy, Exclusive, Travel, Valentine's Day | Tagged: | 3 Comments »

Black Cat Power

Posted by evankessler on February 6, 2009

My Best View of Cat Power All Night

I don’t know exactly what to say tonight.  It was interesting might have to suffice.  I don’t think I’ve ever been to a concert that unfolded quite like this evening did, as Arby and I went to Williamsburg to see Cat Power at The Music Hall of Williamsburg.  After a brief stop in the City at Flight 151 the two of us hopped the L train to Williamsburg and  made a brief sojourn through the frigid temperatures to the venue.  When we settled down we had a few beers and at around 9:45, we went upstairs in the venue and prepared to catch a wonderful show.  To this day I had never seen Cat Power solely based on Arby’s previous reviews.  When we used to live at the NYU dorms we had several opportunities, but I had been discouraged by his warnings of the performer’s imminent breakdowns and general disappointing behavior.

Chan Marshall took the stage at around 10:30pm launching into a song which I did not recognize but nonetheless sounded like an old soulful blues tune.  She has a way of making every song sound like an old soulful blues tune.  Her second song was a cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams,” which she certainly made sound like an old soulfil blues tune.  For the first two or three songs, Cat Power was more or less in clear view.  I’m not sure what happened after that.  She seemed to go backstage and request that the lights be dimmed, but after that point, Ms. Marshall was shrowded in mystery, an apparition obscured by a lack of spotlight and an array of colored fills that neither illuminated nor hinted at who might be performing.

That being said, we all knew who we were there to see and we certainly heard her voice.  It was the voice of a soulful angel breathing new life into songs like “The Dark End Of The Street,” “Fortunate Son”   and “She’s Got You” (made famous by Patsy Cline).  The concert went on, the band sounded great and Chan continued to belt out the tunes, but there was a certain oddity that accompanied not being able to see the person performing.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a show where the singer was that anonymous and less engaged with the audience.

All the way from “Metal Heart” into favorites like “The Greatest” and “Lived In Bars” amidst some other covers, she more or less remained anonymous.  I was thrilled to be at the show, but I was confused.  Beauty was audible, but the connection just wasn’t there.  I had heard stories of stage fright and I guess not seeing the audience and not letting them see her was her way of compromise but I couldn’t help feel the show was incomplete.  At one point the shy chanteuse wandered into the audience and belted it out amongst the crowd, but it somehow felt cheap, like a compromise with her audience based on a dare.  There was a semi-thrill to see her directly in front of me, but I couldn’t help thinking she was just throwing people a bone before she slipped back under the cover of night.

In the end, I left with an odd feeling.  I had enjoyed the music, but was a little perplexed by the experience.  I like Cat Power, but if going to her performances are going to be this impersonal while trying to maintain this ruse of intimacy, I’m not sure my money isn’t better spent on her next album.

Posted in concerts, music | Leave a Comment »