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Archive for October, 2008

Evan Kessler’s Astrological Interpretation for 10/30/08

Posted by evankessler on October 30, 2008

Greetings readers.  Way back in the pre-Evan Kessler.com olden days, I used to read the horoscopes for fun and sometimes figure out how they might apply to my life if there were actually any reality behind the science of how the cosmos affect the beings here on planet earth.  Today I’ve decided to re-explore my love of Astrological interpretation mostly out of boredom, but who knows, maybe this will end up being a regular thing.

Anyway, here’s my horoscope today as listed on my facebook page.

Let’s take this one line by line, shall we:

“Evan”– That’s my name.  So far we’re batting .1000

“You have excellent opportunities to make headway in the race up the ladder of success today provided you don’t get too focused on your own dream and ambitions.” – Well, let’s see, Pretty much all day I’ve been waiting for the cable guy to come and fix the cable.  However, i’ve also longed to shower, and get something to eat.  I think this portion is saying that if I forget about getting a sandwich and showering, the cable guy will eventually come.  The cable guy showing up represents “headway in the race up the  ladder of success”…for today anyway.

“Find a way to serve and help others, particularly co-workers and employers, and you will find they are happy to boost you up a notch.” – This part is pretty obvious.  Since, I’m technically unemployed or “freelance” I don’t necessarily have co-workers.  Instead, I’m serving my roommates in that it’s their cable that needs to be fixed and I’m the poor sap waiting for the cable guy to show up.

As for having someone “boost” me up a notch as a result of my following my astrological guidelines, I guess you could say that my roommate Laura’s help in creating part of my halloween costume is somewhat a direct result of my agreeing to wait for the cable guy.  Wow, maybe the planets really can tell the future.

In terms of the overall astrological outlook, it looks like I’ve been given three suns in the areas of money, love, and health.  I don’t think waiting for the cable guy is three suns-worthy, more like a crescent moon and maybe that sandwich I’ve been waiting to get.

The lucky numbers though are dead on. The first three (1,2,19) are an accurate reflection of the lengths of time in hours that I expect I could be waiting for the cable guy.  If it gets up to 30, 40, and 48 though, I’m definitely out of here.

Compatible sign: Cancer…Not sure what months are Cancers?  And if you’re a Cancer do you want to go on a date, or just skip straight to the sweet lovemaking?

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The Non-Sequitir News for 10/24/08

Posted by evankessler on October 24, 2008

I’m getting the sneaking suspicion that the poll numbers in my particular district of Brooklyn are being unfairly skewed in favor of Presidential Candidate Barack Obama.  As I walked in front of the school on 7th Avenue and 1st street in the neighborhood yesterday, one fifth grader asked me who I planned on voting for.  I told him, Barack Obama.  One block later another child asked me the same question.  I notified said child that I had just told the other child a block before, to which he replied, “It doesn’t matter.”  I confusedly replied Obama and walked on feeling that in the end the numbers were going to be off a little bit due to my double poll response. I think the lesson here is if 5th graders are in charge of polling across this nation, look for things to be a lot closer than you think on election day.

Yesterday I received an N.R.A. belt buckle in the mail that I bought off of ebay.  For some reason I was not surprised that when I opened the package it smelled of cigarette smoke.

I bought two yards of fake fur at a fabric store in the garment district.  I then hunted down a bear and skinned him just to compare the two samples.

This has been the non-sequitir news for 10/24/08.

Posted in Brooklyn, Ebay, Internet, non-sequitirs | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Who Cares Wins

Posted by evankessler on October 20, 2008

Just who is this Evan Kessler?  Well he’s no one if not a caring, sharing person.  This weekend I showed just how much I care in several instances.  The first instance was Friday evening.  Yes, on Friday evening I made my way to the West Village to share happy hour drinks with some of my best friends to show just how much I care about them and drinking.

The original plan was to go to Lederhosen and imbibe German brews in their bierhaus setting surrounded by murals of the German alps.  When I arrived at the haunt in my old neighborhood, however, I was greeted with a sign notifying me that the bar boasting Spaten and a fine selection of Sausages was closed due to a private party on the premises.  Luckily, I had just received a text from Ahmad alerting me that our outing had relocated to the Slaughtered Lamb Pub on West 4th Street.

Once at the Slaughtered Lamb Tourist Trap Pub I spent a minute shooting glances between the skeleton statues and set pieces that adorn the establishment year-round to locate my friends who were entrenched in a nook closed off by one of said display cases of death that made it that much more difficult for me to find a seat amidst my cohorts, which included Dmitry, Ahmad, Erika, Suli, Kishore, Miller, Andy, his brother Chris, and later on, Morwin.

Thankfully, we moved to a less cramped spot away from the bones and resumed our cheerful consumption.  There are several things I can take issue with the Slaughtered Lamb Pub for including the decor and their need to make all of their meals sound more British by adding British towns to the monikers of their appetizers (a la Buckingham Onion Rings) but the most egregious violation of decency by said establishment is their need to tack on fifty cents to the cost of an alcoholic beverage.  At most bars in the city you can get a Budweiser for between $3 and $5.  The Slaughtered Lamb offers Bud for $5.50.  What gives?  Does the 50 cents really add to your profit that much. As if they didn’t cost $1 per bottle anyway.  I think the only thing it actually does is prompt people to give either 50 cents more or less tip to the bartender in question.  I ended up only putting down $6 for my beer because I just thought a bud for $5.50 was stupid.  Sorry bartender…I didn’t have another single anyway.

As I finished up my Budweiser seated in the corner booth with my friends, the smack of leather on denim echoed through the bar with laughter, cheering, and slight reverberation of pain.  The commotion was coming from the other end of the backroom where two of the waitresses were giving lashings to a patron who had apparently lost a Irish Car bomb drinking contest.  The waitress would later explain to us, that if we wanted to race her in drinking a car bomb, the loser of the race would be lashed the equivalent of the number of people he lost to.

I was not really into this idea.  However, I think there was a general amount of flirting and a need to see at least one of us lashed that a majority of the group decided to give into.  I wasn’t among them, but I was then pointed out as being someone who should participate.  As someone who is a generally slow drinker, I was more or less resigned to the fact that I would be the one receiving the lashing despite my unwillingness to actually participate.

After a lengthy wait for the waitress joined us and the contest began.  WIth that, I dropped my shot of Bailey’s into my bit of Guiness and chugged away.  I didn’t drink particularly fast, but I wasn’t last.  I think I was second to last as I saw my glass go down and then what I thought was Kishore’s.  However, when the dust settled it was somehow decided that Suli was the loser even though the bartender didn’t quite finish her drink.  Before we knew it, the waitress had commandeered Suli’s belt and unleashed it on his posterior eight consecutive turns.

I was glad it wasn’t me, but the entire sequence was just unneccesary and in more ways than one.  When we received the check it turned out that each drink for the contest was $15.  Also, we had been charged for the waitress’s drink.  She was running quite the racket with her sass and aspiring dominatrix act.  We were all sort of annoyed by the exorbitance of the charges.

After we ducked out of the bar we took a stroll down Seventh Ave to see the Banksy Pet Store exhibit.  The exhibit itself was interesting, but I didn’t feel much like standing outside and ooh-ing and aah-ing.  I had barely eaten anything all day and I was down the street from my favorite pizza place from when I lived in the neighborhood, so I decided it was time to grab a slice.  Flanked by Kishore, we hit up Bleecker Street Pizza for some dinner.  We then met back up with a few of the same folks and dropped by Vol De Nuit (a.k.a Belgian Beer Bar) and grabbed a beer or two, before I left and made my way just up the block to Chinatown Brasserie for the birthday party of a newer acquaintance.

The new acquaintance/birthday girl in question was Courtney, who I have met several times through my friends Jenny and Marie at Jenny’s apartment.  I had been to the venue two or three times before, once with dinner for the family, and once with my brother for some sort of party.  Actually, I had been there many times before that when it looked totally different when it housed the Time Cafe and Fez.  Anyway, upon my arrival Jenny and Felecia were outside talking with some other ladies whose acquaintance I made but whose name I have since forgotten.  Actually, one was a cute Canadian girl named Emily (I think).  I think I made a few lame Canada jokes which probably turned her off quickly.  It didn’t really matter though, I spent most of the evening chatting it up with Jenny, Robert, Felecia, John, Marie, and Courtney. Though there was a good portion of the night in which I made friends with an assortment of perfectly nice women whose names I have also since forgotten.  It was a good night to be social though and I had an excellent time.  The only problem was that I was out until 2:30am.  Why is that a problem?  I had to wake up at 7:30am.

On Saturday morning I awoke at 7:22am.  My internal clock was telling me not to oversleep.  My internal clock was also telling me that it was in my best interest to get an early start so that I might help save the children, because we here at Evankessler.com believe that children are our future and that it’s important to teach them well and led them lead the way. We always go out of our way to show them all the beauty they possess inside and give them sense of pride to make it easier.  Yes, we let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be.  Because we decided long ago to make a difference by never stepping in anyone’s shadow.  If we fail or if we succeed at least we live as we believe.  No matter what they take from us…they certainly can’t take away the dignity of this here site.  So to enhance that stance on the children and dignity in general I went along with my friends Summer, Andrea, and Enisha, to the Bronx for New York Cares Day.

We were feeling the thrill of charity and goodwill as we drove from Brooklyn through Manhattan and into the Bronx towards PS 161 (aka Ponce De Leon School) on Tinton Ave., merrily anticipating our task at hand.  We were hoping not for lots of heavy lifting, but for enjoyable outdoor activity.  Due to traffic we arrived a half hour late and were promptly assigned outdoors to work on one of two murals.  This was going to be fun.

Andrea Saves The Children With A Little Red Paint

The mural we worked on was already being worked on by three or four other people.  We happily joined in as the paint mixer guy gave us our colors and we began to put the ROY G BIV rainbow into action.  Summer, Enisha, Andrea, and I all did seperate section of the rainbow that ran pretty much the entire length of the wall.  Intertwined with our amicable chain were what I think were two local law students.  One of them, named Allison, was more or less responsible for the design of our mural.  Whereas the other mural had been commissioned or solicited from a professional artist, Allison had laid claim to the design on our section simply because she had arrived a full hour and fifteen minutes before anyone else was supposed to be on hand.  She left her apartment at 7am and arrived on site at 8:15am.  As first to arrive she had apparently been given the go ahead to craft her artistic masterpiece.

Enisha Saves The Children With Love

Enisha Saves The Children With Love

While the design was certainly pleasant and serviceable for an elementary school mural, Allison and her 2nd in command, whose name escapes me (I’m not sure I ever knew it), continually tooted their own horn over the brillance of the work they were doing.  Whether it be their shading abilities or Allison’s overall vision of the piece, they were so proud of themselves…sort of blind to the fact that this whole thing wasn’t about their accomplishments…it was about making the school look better. If you heard them speak in the superlative terms they were using you’d think they were talking about something other than a painting of a bunny in an airplane towing a rainbow.  It was actually quite humorous.

It wasn’t all toil, elbow grease and paint drippings.  I had a lot of ammunition in terms of karate kid references.  Not only was I using the side to side paint the house method, but when I heard there was a fence being painted on the other end my cultural reference-ometer nearly burst open.  I was surprised there was no car to be waxed or no floor to be sanded or no All Valley Karate Tournament being held in the Gymnasium.

At the lunching hour Andrea, Enisha, Summer and I sat in the cafeteria with one of our new friends, a married law student by the name of Andréa.  We had pleasant conversation and then our lunch was interrupted when the Bronx Borough President Adolfo Carrion, Jr. who was there to proclaim it New York Cares Day in the Bronx.  He presented the organizers of the event some sort written decree prefaced by what seemed like a stock speech being made by politicians all over the country tying in the current economic struggles with anything being done at the present moment of the presentation.  Either way, it was nice for him to stop by and acknowledge our efforts.

After it seemed like lunch should have been over, the lot of us just sat around snacking on carrots, cheese, crackers, and hummus.  It was like a spring picnic in a school cafeteria, without wine.  I think charity work might be the new picnic for fall.  I guess I should just remember to bring the wine next time.  I had an awkward moment when Enisha, Summer, and Andrea all went to the bathroom and I was stuck with Andréa, who I didn’t know well at all.  Feeling a need to make conversation or just fill the time with talking, I related our sitting in a elementary school cafeteria with remembering my elementary school cafeteria and one instance during lunchtime in 4th or 5th grade when the teacher on lunch duty announced that we were “all disgraces to our family” because we were talking too loudly during lunch period.

Soon enough we were back outside engaging in muralfest ’08 yet again.  The rest of the work went pretty swimmingly despite the boastful nature of some of our cohorts.  Towards the end people began putting their handprints on the mural as their own signature of hard work.  I sort of thought that was a selfish gesture.  Needing visual credit for doing charity work just seems silly.  It’s more about doing something good than showing people what you did…though I’m aware this post could be viewed as the antithesis of that statement.

A Small Part of The Best Mural Of All Time

A Small Part of The Best Mural Of All Time

Towards the end of our run as charitable beings we helped bring garbage bags full of text books down from the 4th floor to the garbage outside.  While doing this I was reminded how the worst part of moving apartments is the act of moving your boxes of books.  I thought to myself that it would probably be lighter if we burned the books first, but I suppose that was not an option.  Unfortunately, the garbage bags weren’t as strong as some people had hoped and several of the bags ended up ripping on the way down.  Needless to say, I was glad I hadn’t been doing that all day.  Painting was a much better assignment.

Our group left at about 2:30pm, proud of ourselves for saving the children and helping to beautify their daily surroundings.  I was extremely tired from operating on five hours sleep and was ready to get a nap in before moving on to the evening activities and thus returned home for about three hours of solitary laziness.

Around 6pm I sprung to attention and not in the “pitching a tent” way.  I got ready to hit the town and then promptly headed out on the bus for Felecia’s bowling birthday party at Melody Lanes in Brooklyn.  Bowling is always a fun time and there was certainly a good crew on hand for it.  I was in a lane with Jenny, Felecia, John, and Felecia’s friend Rory.  The lane next to us had Marie, Aleks, and I forget who else.  There was also a lane of handicapped people next to us.  One of them in a wheelchair uses a ramp device to bowl the ball which I found sort of fascinating.

Superbowlers! Robert, Courtney, Jenny, Marie

Birthday Girl Felecia Struts Her Stuff After A Quality Bowl

Birthday Girl Felecia Struts Her Stuff After A Quality Bowl

As far as the bowling went, I bowled two of my worst games ever, but bowling has never been that much of a matter of pride for me, seeing as a high score for me would never really be anywhere in the realm of acceptable high scores to be proud of.  That being said, like the evening before I had an excellent time, but also like the evening before, I had more than one stop on my list of activities.  So, just like that, at 9:15pm I made my way back into Manhattan for round two.

I had shown all of my friends whose birthday it had been that weekend the proper amount of caring and sharing, so it was time to have one more go at it.  This time the culprit of the good times was my friend since Junior High, Joe D.  He was celebrating his 29th birthday at Crocodile Lounge in the East Village.  I purposely didn’t eat much during the day, because I knew that with that bar’s gimmick of free pizza, I’d be ingesting my fair share of bread, cheese, and tomato sauce.

A Poorly Framed Shot of Free Pizza

A Poorly Framed Shot of Free Pizza

Joe Is A Good Listener

Joe Is A Good Listener

The first people at the gathering were Suli, and Mike S and I stood around with them for a bit chatting it up.  Soon though the party got bigger, which didn’t really make being at the already packed bar more comfortable.  Joe, his fiancée Jsarah, Eve D, Jessica D, Anthony, Kishore, Andy, and a few others were on hand.  I ended up spending a good deal of the end part of the night in great  conversation with Suli and his friend Christina, whom I had met after Suli’s improv show a few months back.  After several beers and many slices of free pizza and with the rest of the party gone, we left relatively close to 2am (I think).

I woke up the next morning semi-ready to hang out with Filler and watch the Giants game, but we were a little too slow getting it together and I ended up watching the Giants score a relatively unexciting victory over the San Francisco 49ers.

After the game ended I accepted an invitation to go to the Union Square multiplex to catch a showing of W. with Andy and Andrea.  Ajay and Morwin were going to come, but they had failed to order tickets online and the show was sold out once they made it to the theater.  You’d think they’d never been to a movie in New York on a weekend, figuring that they could just buy one before they went.

Anyway, the movie itself was okay. I had originally not planned on seeing it, but my intellectual curiosity got the best of me…and also there weren’t any interesting afternoon football games on to watch.  It was a little bit unsettling how much Josh Brolin actually looked like the President in the film.  He did a phenomenal job.  The movie itself was okay.  I don’t think it was outstanding or anything.  Like any Oliver Stone movie, you’re never sure of what the actual truth is and what the controversial director makes up for story purposes.  So you have to take his productions with a grain, if not several grains, of salt.  In general, the film blames W.’s failings in life and as President on daddy issues, but also treats W. with compassion, painting him mostly as a simple man who turned to religion when all else failed and then as someone manipulated by the opinions of Cheney, Karl Rove and others smarter than him.  The film seemed to hit a lot of talking points and use pretty much every Bushism in the book…literally, even though they were used at points in the movie well before he actually said them.  It was almost if they used the book to write half of the script.  That being said, the film did have some other excellent performances.  Richard Dreyfuss was pretty good as Cheney and Thandie Newton was surprisingly funny as Condi Rice.

It was nearly 10pm by the time I made it back to my apartment in Park Slope…and after three days where I spent surprisingly little time at home, I was ready to call it a weekend.  Too much sharing and caring is certainly tiresome.

Posted in birthdays, charity, movies, The Bronx, Volunteering, Weekend Recap | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The KKK Took My Newspaper Away

Posted by evankessler on October 16, 2008

This weekend in Ada, Oklahoma several subscribers to the Ada Evening News received their local gazette wrapped with newsletters from those lovely racists at the KKK.  Quite unsurprisingly the content of the infamous flier discusses how the hate group does not support Barack Obama for the position of President of the United States.

Now, of course I understand the issue of readers not wanting to receive the bigotry-fueled rants of hate mongers in their newspaper and I understand that the newspaper doesn’t want their paper afilliated with the Klan, but as long as the periodical can clear themselves of any wrongdoing, I find something inherently funny in the situation that occurred.

First let me state uniquivocally that I am no fan of racial intolerance, I think it’s society’s own version of the extremely rich, wicked great-great grandmother who makes you wait on her hand and foot and just won’t die, but you know  when she finally does will leave her fortune to the cat. In other words, nothing good ever comes from either of them.

The thing that makes me laugh about the situation is that the dolts at the KKK are wasting their money and presumably valuable time they could be using to spread hate in aol chat rooms or stroking their Nazi paraphernalia to spread the most obvious message they could.  “The Ku Klux Klan Does Not Endorse Barack Obama For President.”  As if any person in Ada, Oklahoma was wondering if the KKK would be throwing their support behind the black guy or the white guy.

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Poll Positions

Posted by evankessler on October 16, 2008

In times of Presidential Election it seems as though every media outlet has a poll. I wouldn’t exactly consider this here website a media outlet, though I am semi-technically Jewish…so I guess it officially qualifies as one. That being said, I have been discussing politics a lot lately, and I don’t necessarily trust CNN, CBS, Gallup, FoxNews or Quinnipiac University results because of that pesky “margin of error” thing. Therefore I figured should host my own Presidential Poll, because I think if there’s a truly diverse sample of Americans it’s the people who read this site. Also, WordPress just added the option of putting a poll on my blog, so I decided to make use of it.

So without any further ado:

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Final D’Bate ’08

Posted by evankessler on October 15, 2008

Well, the final d’bate of the election season has passed and I couldn’t be happier.  Now all we have to do is sit back and let the candidates give stump speeches and try not to say something horribly controversial that out and out cause them lose the race.  With that in mind, I have some quick hit thoughts about this last d’bate.

#1 I was originally weirded out by the setup of the debate.  Obama and McCain at the same table?  Would there be kicking going on under there?  Would John McCain be forced to look at Barack Obama?  Would their closeness prompt angry Grandpa McCain to take a swing to shut up the upstart whippernsnapper?

#2 McCain seemed to echo the sentiment “American’s are angry and they’re hurting” about six times in his first answer.

#3: McCain ran with turning this actual “Joe the Plumber” person into a metaphor for “Joe Six-pack” way too often to the point where I had no idea what he was talking about anymore.  McCain seemed to lose sight of who Joe Plumber was. First he was a small business owner; then Joe the Plumber was the everyman.  McCain seemed to stumble over trying to involve Joe the Plumber in each of his points instead of just answering questions flat out.

#4: McCain had the zinger of the night with his “If you wanted to run against George Bush, you should’ve run against him four years ago” line.

#5: Obama appeared composed throughout McCain’s accusations  and answered them with poise.

#6 I guess I’m not surprised that Bob Schieffer brought up the issue of the name calling by campaigns.  In my mind, the word “terrorist” is a lot worse than “liar”.   I am surprised by the audacity of John McCain to act as though Obama shouldn’t be as insulted as he should for being linked to civil rights era racism.  Congressman Lewis wasn’t saying that he and Sarah Palin had a hand in blowing up churches in the 1960’s…but the sort of campaign he is running by trying to link Barack Obama with the word “terrorist” is fostering the sort of divisiveness that leads to that sort of behavior.  If anything, McCain should have apologized for his tactics and moved on instead of continuing to talk about Ayers.

#7 John McCain is proud of the people who go to his rallies.  Even the ones who shout “terrorist” and “kill him?”

#8 McCain barely endorsed his own running mate, just repeating the ol’ watchwords Reformer and “bresh of freth air” in “Warshington”.  He seemed to give Biden a more ringing endorsement.

#9  So we shouldn’t take women whose lives are at risk into account when it comes to abortion, John McCain?

#10 ACORN is on the verge of destroying the fabric of democracy?

#11 Enough awkward jokes McCain…You do not have a very good sense of humor…and there’s nothing I hate more than people who think they’re funny and are not.

#12 Probably not a great idea to repeatedly say how eloquent your opponent is Senator McCain.  I know what you were getting at, but your lack of eloquence disguises the point you are making.  Yes, Barack Obama is eloquent and he also does a better job of outlining his ideas instead of mumbling, telling bad jokes, and getting all angry ‘n’ stuff.

#13 It’s still really creepy when John McCain smiles.  I don’t want a President who creeps me out when he smiles.

#14 All in all, I think McCain came on strong at first with attacks but his willingness to go on the offense just ended up seeming angry and impatient as usual.  Obama stayed cool and was prepared to handle all of his accusations with a seemingly strong handle on facts and measured explanations for rebuttal.

#15 Bob Schieffer did the best job out of all of the debate moderators this election.

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He’ll Get By Without Any Mail From His Fans

Posted by evankessler on October 15, 2008

Does Ringo Starr need anybody?  He just needs someone to love.  Could it be anybody?  No.  The former Beatle is currently so content with circle of personal contacts that he’s asked his fans to more or less buzz off.  Okay, so maybe he’s not being that harsh.  The Fab Four drummer has recently announced on his website that as of October 20th he will no longer be accepting fan mail which along with obvious heaps of praise for the wealth of seminal material he has contributed to also includes the occasional request for him to sign memorabilia and send it back.

Some people might take this as Starr being ungrateful to the huge amount of fans of The Beatles, who still idolize and idealize the least adorable member of what many people consider to be the greatest band of all time.  However, I don’t see it in this way at all.

Ringo is 68 years old.  He has contributed more than enough to the enrichment of the lives of music fans simply by being a member of The Beatles.  I think the fact that people repeatedly send him things and demand that he respond by signing memorabilia for them in addition is patently absurd and that Mr. Starr is a saint for having carried on as long as he has with the task of answering what must be mass quantities of mail rather than enjoying what could be his free time.

Imagine being a celebrity and getting heaps of mail every day because people liked a song you wrote.  At first , I imagine that the feedback would be thrilling, knowing that you have positively affected so many lives.  However, as time passes on repeatedly receiving the same letter and taking time out of your day to read multiple letters (let alone answer them) that say, “Hey Ringo, Can you sign my Abbey Road CD Booklet and send it back to me?” or “Octopus’s Garden was my favorite song!” would be a little tiring and repetitive.   That doesn’t make someone any less grateful for receiving the sentiment, but one could certainly think of better things to do with their time than repeatedly looking over similar statements.

One of those better things to do would certainly be living  life, spending time with one’s former Bond girl wife, making whatever music I had left in me and getting by with a little help from my friends.  So before you rush to judgement on RIngo Starr imagine your house inundated with 50,000 letters all asking you to sign a press photo you took forty-five years ago or talking about that first time someone saw your face in the window of a car as you drove away from the Ed Sullivan Theater.  I’d imagine it’d get a little old …and I wouldn’t want to grow even older repeatedly reliving it.

Posted in Celebrity, music, Pop Culture, YouTube | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

A Dog Eat Dog World

Posted by evankessler on October 14, 2008

Chihuaha x Paris Hilton = Please Help Us Canada

Chihuaha x Paris Hilton = Please Help Us Canada

I’m not quite sure what this fascination is with talking dogs, but it seems after 2 weeks filmgoers are still captivated by Beverly Hills Chihuahua against all rhyme or reason. The film raked in another $17.5 million this week. Maybe this is all just a bizarre form of escapism from our current economical woes. People probably just want to see dogs talk because they know it’s a lot less real than the prospect of losing everything they own when the volume of the Dow Jones Industrial inevitably reaches zero sometime before Christmas and The Royal Canadian Mounted Police invade the US in order to create the Socialist States of America, handing out health care to everyone who stands in their way.

I’m not really sure I want to live in a country where a movie about a Beverly Hills Chihuahua and a show where Paris Hilton searches for her new BFF are mutually exclusive anyway.  And who’s to say the Canadian takeover didn’t begin long ago.  What with the National Hockey League having been in existence since 1919 and the league’s slow but sure encroachment on into some of our warmer environs; I say the non-hostile gerrymandering of country lines was set in motion well before Pamela Anderson replaced Farrah Fawcett as the standard for pin up models and began to repeatedly marry our rapidly depleting stock of hepatitis c addled drummers.

If John McCain wins the Presidential Election on November 4th, that will be the last straw.  I will outstretch my open arms towards our nanooks to the North, entreating them to join our two nations together.  And if they respond favorably to that moment, I will greet them as liberators, eh.

Posted in Celebrity, economics, entertainment, movies, Patriotism, Politics, Pop Culture | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Sarah Palin Diet

Posted by evankessler on October 4, 2008

This post is not about an actual food diet consisting of moose meat and six-packs. Over the last couple of weeks, the main target of my disdain has been Sarah Palin.  The complete media saturation of the Vice Presidential nominee has started to weigh me down, filling me with anger towards the political process and an ever decreasing amount of faith in the American people.  I know Barack Obama has begun to build a lead and for that I am thankful, but I am sick of the overflow of stories about how people feel about Ms. Palin.

The last straw was a CNN piece I saw today while at the gym interviewing actual hockey moms during the debate.  The press is going at this from every absurdly obvious angle making it completely vomit-worthy.  In any case, I’ve decided to go cold turkey on the GOP VP.  For the next few days I will be steering clear of all media stories, discussion, photos, and even fun internet games involving the Alaska Governor in the hopes that my disposition will turn from damp and downtrodden to bright and sunny.

Seeing as I’m so attached to the internet and media it will be difficult, like keeping a ten year old away from a candy store in the mall or telling a cheetah he can’t eat any more wildebeast, but I will try my best.  My best shot is by watching nothing but sports and movies and reading books, though I may accidentally be fed two to three servings of Palin a day, via news promos and commercials.  I’m giving myself a pass for the 2nd debate on Tuesday, but we’ll see how it’s going by then, if I haven’t already given into binging on MSNBC, CNN, The Daily Show, and Colbert Report.  Wish me luck.  If it works out maybe I’ll end up writing a book as successful as the South Beach Diet.

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PALIN!

Posted by evankessler on October 2, 2008

Before The Debate

Before The Debate

Palin, Right Down The Middle!

After The Debate: Palin, Right Down The Middle!

Posted in Party Games, Politics | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »