Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Courtesy of The Red, White, and Blue

Posted by evankessler on July 8, 2008

(sing the following to the first minute and a half to Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of The Red, White and Blue”)

American Girls and American Guys Got Together This Weekend With Some Indians and Thais

There were even Pakistanis there

We don’t discriminate

So we could marinate steak to talk about as something we ate.

We threw on those charcoals and piled them up high

There was asparagus in butter… and lemon ready on the side

There were Dips…and veggies…and different kinds of meats… to grill up and enjoy on this day we had free.

We sat on people’s roofs and in their yards in the back

We joked around a lot but we never played hacky sack

Soon as we got hungry and ready to dine

Yeah we lit up that grill, it was the 4th of July.

Uncle Sam put our name at the top of his list

To enjoy a hearty meal without raising a fist

We had a few beers it really was swell

To hear mother freedom ringin’ her dinner bell

In this land she made just for me and you

Brought to you Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue


Wow, now if you have never heard that Toby Keith song…You’d have no idea what I was trying to do there. Anyway, this weekend was the 4th of July as evidenced by that little lyrical re-imagining of one of the most patriotic songs ever, minus the “boot in yer ass”, plus the date being July 7th it would only be natural for me to be recapping the 4th of July weekend now.

However, with most of America having the Friday the 4th off, the weekend began in earnest on July 3rd. And in keeping with the spirit of pretty much the entire summer so far…faced with pleasant weather, there was BBQing to be done. Our Thursday night BBQ outing took place at Kishore’s yet again…and yet again I was one of the early guests to arrive. Actually, this time I was the first arriving slightly after the advertised time of 6pm. People slowly began to arrive though and Kishore and I were joined by Andrea, Andy, Ajay, Enisha, Kayvalyn, Rich,Suli, Jeff, Morwin, Lauren, Ahmad, Erika, Lauren, and Rosario to pretty much round out the crew and send the evening off to a roaring success.

Before we coasted into the evening activity though, there was food to be prepared. Andrea and I created burgers from scratch using our magical ability to conjure meat, pepper, garlic, jalapenos. and other assorted flavorings. There was also corn, steak, chicken, and plenty of chips. Once the festivities moved outside the conversation turned to Bryan Adams for one reason or another and I set up my iPod to play “Everything I Do, I Do It For You” but Rich spoiled the fun by shutting it off even though Andrea and Andy were sharing and intimate moment reminiscing over junior high dance steps.

A Traditional Array of BBQ Meat-age

As the sky grew dark the conversation became intensely focused on figuring out the long standing puzzle of how the hell everyone in our group of friends actually knew each other. Apparently Andy had taken upon himself to create a flow chart more or less explaining the connections. It was a master work if I have ever seen one. He might end up taking a Nobel Prize if he ever proves it to be correct.

Andy And His Masterwork

From heated conversation emerged a heated competition in the form of a game of quarters. Most of the party went inside to partake in drinking game hi-jinks of the kind that I continually refuse to partake in. It’s not that I don’t like fun. I just don’t like drinking competitively and vomiting. I consider myself to be a man of leisure, not a savage combatant in matters of the gullet. Anyway, the evening eventually ended. Someone ended up vomiting as a result of the game and Kayvalyn and I ended up walked towards our area of Brooklyn together sometime around 1:30am.

The next morning, was July 4th. I woke up around 11am. John and Zerna were having early BBQ festivities at their Williamsburg abode but I was a little slow getting up. I made plans to meet at Kishore’s place at 1pm, but before making it over there I decided I would go online and download some American songs. I only ended up actually getting two, Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” and Grand Funk Railroad’s “We’re an American Band”. Fresh off my patriotic music triumphs I made my way over to Kishore’s so that I could get in his automobile along with Kayvalyn, Enisha and Andy and travel to our point of BBQing. It was a while before we actually left on account that not everyone showed up at 1pm…but I didn’t really expect them to.

When we arrived at John and Zerna’s there was already a fine display being worked out but we left to go pick up some additional goods from the grocery store in the way of beer and tonic (not to mix together). From then on the party was in full swing as Baby Lea partied in the splashed around in her kiddie pool…the older kids stood around in the sand pit and Rich, John and Kishore did their fair share of grilling. I even put on my two American songs, though they didn’t get the enthusiast response I was hoping for.

Miller and His Un-American Beer

When Miller arrived I chided him for bringing unAmerican beer (Corona) on our nation’s big day. He was also reading a book about an Austrian Trade Theory. Methinks Miller is plotting something.

It wouldn’t have been a BBQ in Williamsburg without a bit of hipster sport and wouldn’t you know it, we brought a long a badminton net so that everyone could bang the ol’ shuttlecock around. After about two and a half hours of John and Zerna’s action…our group, largely consisting of the previous evening’s crowd made a move for their other forth of July festivities.

Knockin’ The Shuttlecock Around

4th of July Crew#1 As Amurrican As Apple Pie

I jumped on the G train back to the slope and in what seemed like no time I had arrived at Goody and Chris’s 4th of July Rockin’ eve. I can’t really say it was all that different from the last BBQ I had been there for other than it didn’t really rain this time around. It was still an excellent time with fine folks like Josh R, Chris M, Hope, Reva, Katie, and of course our hosts Chris and Goody amongst others. I’d say the highlight of the evening was towards the end when we engaged in a game of pin the tail on Rob’s window or the picture of “The Donkey” that was on Rob’s window. I was the reluctant first contestant and though I don’t think I came close I was a sport of a guinea pig. The evening ended without really taking in any fireworks but that didn’t make in any less American. As long as one can eat meat and drink budweiser, it’s a July 4th worth remembering.

Hope and Chris M…All-American…All The Time

Oh…I’ll Pin The Tail On That Donkey

A Donkey Unscathed

Saturday morning felt a lot like Sunday…and with obvious reason. It was already the third day of the weekend and with two consecutive days of drinking under my belt I was plenty exhausted. I could’ve spent the entire day in bed, but rather than operate for 24 hours without a purpose, I spent the majority of the morning and afternoon fixing my living space in preparation for the birthday celebrations for my roommate Laura B. Not that anyone would be lviing it up in my room, it was just that we were having guests over and I thought my slavenly appearance ought not to be accompanied by a room that resembled that compost room on the Death Star in Star Wars, so I did my best Rosie The Robot impression and picked up what amounted to an awful mess.

It was around 6:30pm when the crowd began to roll in and a lively bunch it was. Andrew Morton, Renga, Trish, Kelly, Mike H, Greg C, Pete F, Stephen and Katie H were all on hand for the festivities. We had all done our part in making the festivities edibles. Mike helped prepare the Pork Loin, Laura made the guac, Renga and kelly made sidedishes and other folks brought on the alcohol. Before we dove headfirst into the meal, we need to get ourselves suitably lubricated with alcohol and so we used Danny Devito’s Limoncello margerita recipe and got our drink on. Renga also made a punch with ground up strawberries that was delicious.

The Birthday Girl Concocts on Danny Devito’s Limoncello Margaritas

With alcoholic beverages in tow and the meal yet to come…the piece de resistance made it’s debut appearance. Renga had made Laura’s birthday cake…It was a buttcake… and it just may have been one of the greatest cakes of all time in both appearance and taste.

The cake was fashioned out of brownies, rice krispy treats, and frosting to account for the skin color and thong decorations. It was pretty much a work of art. I can’t really say enough about it so I won’t. I’ll just let the picture do the talking.

Behold The Buttcake

After our heart meal of Pork, Potatoes and various sides we all gathered in Laura’s room for some film viewing. The original plan was to screen a movie on Dan’s projector but Dan never made it because he spent all day repairing the door in his apartment that had been knocked off when it was broken into merely hours before. Luckily for Dan, he had installed video camera a few days before and actually caught the intruder/thief on tape and busted him, but alas he never made it in time for buttcake and to take in an episode of the classing early 90’s TV show: MST3K as they viewed the cult film Manos: The Hands of Fate. Well, a few of the folks watching were too drunk to enjoy and fell asleep, but the majority of us spent the entire hour plus laughing our asses off and going back for buttcake seconds.

It was an evening full of simple pleasures…alcohol, laughter, and buttcake. It came to a relatively early end around midnight but several of the revelers decided to keep their buzz alive by hitting up the bars…but not me…and not Andrew…and not Bassett. We called it an evening as we had certainly celebrated enough.

Sunday pretty closely resembled the early part of Saturday save for cleaning. Not a lot of activity…mostly hungover…blah…blah…blah. Renga and Andrew came over around 7pm and along with Mike and Matt we gathered to watch the downfall of American culture that is VH1’s “I Love Money.” That’s how the weekend ended…and we liked it…and if you don’t…we’ll put a boot in yer ass…it’s the American way!


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