Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Takin’ Care of Quizness

Posted by evankessler on April 12, 2007

Originally I was planning on catching everyone up to the iPodyssey but that’s going to have to wait until the end of this post. You see, this day was far more important than any of you realize. Today was the day, that myself and two friends took care of Quizness.

I guess it all started over the weekend when Andrew Morton reminded me to send out an email alerting our friends that Quiz Night at the Black Sheep Pub in Brooklyn was fast approaching this Wednesday. I wasn’t sure if the next quiz was taking place this week or next week so on Tuesday afternoon I strolled on down to Bergen St. and looked at the flyer in the window. Sure enough, there was a quiz night being held this week and was only a day away. It was time to alert the troops. Once the Quiz Night role call email was sent out on Tuesday I received three almost immediate responses. Andrew was in. Laura R was in, and if she didn’t have to work Laura B was in.

This morning (Wednesday) I awoke looking forward to one thing and one thing only. While it appeared we were to have a much smaller crew than before, I was confident we would still have a fun time, even if we might be less competitive with our resources depleted. As the day passed, I did a little research to prepare myself for an onslaught of current events questions. I bought and read some of the newspaper because somebody had to be aware of the world around us in case the quizmaster were to unleash a question assault ripped form the headlines of the New York Times.

My sole purpose of the day wasn’t merely to prepare myself for pub quiz. I also did a little job research and spoke with a few prospective employers. This was mildly productive. A shock came to my system around 4:4opm when I got an email alerting me to the fact that both Laura R and Laura B were bailing out of Pub Quiz. Lame was the first word to pop into my head to characterize their rejection of our newfound tradition. However, I knew I was still determined to show myself at the Black Sheep Pub and I was pretty sure Andrew was still game.
An hour after the Lauras had turned their back on the quiz, we received an email from fellow quizfiend Katie O. She said she might be up for the quiz, and with that our crew of two had been turned into a possible trio.

At around 7:50pm Andrew and I met outside of Pizzatown on 5th Avenue to grab some eats that we could take to our seats so we could secure the area that would be our citadel of correct answers. We were not quite sure if Katie was going to join us, but lo and behold, in the midst of a conversation in which we were trying to figure out our team name, Katie arrived. We would be a team of three. The quizmaster had previously announced that in addition to a prize being given to 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place, there would also be a prize given for the team with the best name. Andrew and I thought we had that won. We had a pretty good list. This is how it read:

Takin’ Care of Quizness
Hot Fudge Saturday
Battlestar Spectacular
E=MC Hammer
Please, MC Escher, Don’t Hurt ‘Em
Candidates for Infection (Affection)
Pale Horse, Whale Rider
The Feelings Police
Skynyrd Lynyrd

Ultimately, we asked Katie which one she liked…and seeing as she only liked one of them, we decided to go with that. We didn’t want any team arguments. Plus, Andrew and I came up with all of them so it wasn’t as if we disliked any of them. We thought some were funnier than “Takin’ Care of Quizness” but it was certainly funny enough to beat any of the lame names that the other teams came up with.

We got off to a fast start in the first round, scoring a 4 out of 5 on a pretty simple mix of pop culture, history, and sports. As the rounds went on they weren’t necessarily harder but we did have some trouble with the Tax themed round. We finally aced the last round of the first half and finished with a 16. There were two teams in front of us. One had 17 and one had 19. We could’ve easily been tied with them save for a few answers we changed at the last second. No matter, we would’ve just been happy with a third place finish anyway. However, one of the teams that was beating us was a bunch of loudmouth assholes who had to scream at the top of their lungs like an Olympian weightlifter who just broke a world record in the Clean and Jerk and dropped the bar on his toe, after every correct answer.

Our team on the other hand was much more quiet. We knew we were still contending but we weren’t cocky; especially after the last outing when we performed horrendously. All we had to do was ace a couple of rounds or get some 4 out of 5’s and we could contend. These douchebags around us weren’t smarter, and they certainly didn’t have more useless information than we did.

The next few rounds were a blur. I barely remember any of the questions. We scored 4’s In rounds 6 and 7 and the tension was certainly palpable. However, the next two rounds we felt our chances fade as we only answered two questions correctly. There was still optimism abound, as the crowd reaction wasn’t so great. We were aware that everyone pretty much got the same questions wrong in the previous rounds. Perhaps, the difficult questions of rounds 8 and 9 were a bullet that we so gracefully had dodged.

Round 10 was the moment of truth. The questions rolled off the tongue of the quizmaster one by one and we were extremely confident on 4 out of the 5 questions. Again, I don’t have the list of questions. I think one was about the number of british sailors who had sold their story. When the answers were read we had accumulated a total of 32. Some weeks that was good enough to garner a 2nd or 3rd place prize. However, this week was different, as the questions seemed significantly more diverse and certainly more difficult to certain segments of the crowd.

It appeared as though it took very little time for the quizmaster and his assistant to add up the final tally. Katie, Andrew, and I looked at each other seemingly wondering if we had done enough to get 2nd or 3rd place. At that moment the quizmaster said the words, “The Winners of a $164 pot with 32 points is Takin’ Care of Quizness”. It was a moment frozen in time as a look of shock adorned our three faces. We didn’t know what to do. When we finally thawed out no one was sure if we were supposed to pick up our money straightaway or if we waited til all of the announcements were made. Andrew made the move for the money and Katie and I started to follow him but quickly sat down since we realized we didn’t all have to get up to pick up the envelope of cash.

The annoying folks next to us won best name. They had something about Evel Knievel as their team name. It wasn’t that great. We had a slew of better ones that we’ll win that prize with next time. I don’t even know what they won but it didn’t matter because for one shining moment…we had taken care of quizness.

Upon receiving our winnings I did some long division to divvy up the purse. We each made out with about $55. Victory was sweet and we were hella excited. In celebration, we called up all of the people who couldn’t make it and shamelessly gloated. We done good. Now we have to defend our title in two weeks and everyone’s gonna be gunnin’ for us. There’s a price on our heads, but that’s the price of being champions.


In a totally unrelated note…since monday I’ve gone from The White Stripes “Truth Doesn’t Make A Noise” to The Rolling Stones “Under My Thumb” in the iPodyssey. That’s right, we’re in the U’s. It’s just a matter of time before I can put the ol’ iPod on shuffle again. Have a good night.


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