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Archive for March 28th, 2007

Dear Mr. Fantasy

Posted by evankessler on March 28, 2007

Hello Baseball fans…or people who have no interest in Baseball whatsoever. Sorry to have kept you waiting for the latest EvanKessler.com update. I know you were all eagerly awaiting my 24 running diary on Tuesday morning and were probably heartbroken when you were welcomed by my weekend recap, which you had no doubt read the day before. I hope you accept my apology but a new day has come and with it, a new post.

The reason I didn’t get to my 24 diary on Monday was simply because I did not watch that evening’s installment of the Jack Bauer Power Hour. Instead I was embroiled in a marathon Fantasy Baseball draft on CBS Sportsline. The draft was not a previously planned event. I was having a rather run of the mill unemployed Monday afternoon when Arby sent me and IM asking if I’d be interested in joining his fantasy baseball league that was having it’s draft that evening, since someone had dropped out. I took almost a millisecond to accept his invitation. I’m a sucker for competitive sport-type things that don’t require any running or physical exertion. The draft was to be held a little after 8pm so I had plenty of time to read my Fantasy Baseball magazine and go engage in some physical activity at the gym.

I left my apartment for the First Time on Monday at 4:30pm with my iPod in hand and headed to my no frills local gym while listening to Pavement’s “Stray Fire”. The entire outing only lasted about 40 plus minutes or 14 songs. I stepped off the elliptical while listening to Stealers’ Wheel “Stuck in the Middle with You”. Just as I began descending the steep steps with my wobbly legs to the lower level of the gym I heard the lyrics “…and I’m wonderin’ how I’ll get down those stairs”. Talk about a coincidence. The fitness experience came to a close as I walked back into my apartment to the tune of Bob Dylan’s “Stuck Inside of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again” and showered up in preparation to sit on my ass for several hours. I made sure I wouldn’t starve through the proceedings by picking up a sandwich from Blink 182.

At around 8:30pm I was ready to select the first player for my team “Met Offensive”, a name derived from combining the name of my favorite baseball team (The Mets) with the name of an event from the Vietnam War (Tet Offensive). With the 4th overall pick in the draft I secured Philadelphia Phillies slugger Ryan Howard. My team was finally done drafting 4 hours later as I selected Detroit Tigers Outfielder, Curtis Granderson, to join my motley roster or Major League Misfits. The draft was an exhausting process that left me in no mood to post anything, but somehow I mustered up the energy to do some reading before dozing off to sleep.

Met Offensive Anchor Ryan Howard

I woke up this morning (Tuesday) on precious little sleep, but I had to muster up enough energy to make it into the city and run some errands. I reinstituted my iPodyssey to the tune of “Stuck Inside of Stuck Inside of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again” and headed towards the subway. I made it through one more “Stuck” song and a slew of “Stupid” ones as I took a great train ride over the river and through Manhattan to the Upper West Side. It was a beautiful day and I was certainly moved to do some wandering as the temperatures reached the 70’s. It was a therapeutic sensation to bask in the sunlight. Weight seemed to drop off my shoulders as the sun shone down on them and believe me there was a lot of weight with all of this unemployment business.

While waiting for my subway back to Brooklyn I noticed a family of tourists most likely from West Virginia. How did I know they were from West Virginia? Well, they were all wearing West Virginia University sweatshirts. At this point, my life as a New York City inhabitant flashed before my eyes and I came to the odd realization that probably the most common uniform for the average American family visiting New York City is that of the gear of their local University of which sports team they are mighty proud. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve encountered tourists clad in their Ohio State, Indiana, or Nebraska gear as a show of hometown pride abroad.

In any case, not that it was a big deal, it was just a strange thing that occurred to me. It would be akin to me visiting Texas and making sure I wore a shirt that said “New York” in bold letters everywhere I went. Not that New Yorkers don’t do that…I just think we’re less likely to.

With that observation out of the way, I made my way back home on the good ol’ B train. I arrived back in Brooklyn and after a string of “Sugar”-y songs emerged from the subway with the sounds of “Summer” filling my ears. It was quite appropriate as I walked on the sunny side of the street to the tune of Kathleen Edwards “Summer Long” and The Kings of Convenience “Summer on the Westhill”. As I walked through the door Death Cab’s “Summer Skin” was coming to an end. I was ready to conquer the rest of the day and apply for more and more employment when, much to my chagrin, my internet was once again failing.

We had made an appointment with the cable company for between 12 and 4 but I was restless. I sat around killing time until a little after 2pm when Marty suggested that he would wait for the Cable guy and that I should go to Gorilla Coffee. I heeded his advice and off to the Coffee shop I went. I got a iced chai latte and set up my computer at one of the tables. I began to do research and write out the latest Costner post. When that was done, I scanned my email and craigslist for possible employment opportunities. However, I found the environment to be terribly intrusive as two guys next to me yelled about the map that was above me and to the left. I had my headphones on but could not avoid their continuous racket. Luckily, a little after that Marty sent me an IM and notified me that the Internet along with the Cable had been revived at home.

At that moment I headed straight for home and plopped myself down on the coach to enjoy the wireless Internet in a comfortable, relaxed setting. I had to prepare for a second consecutive evening of dorkiness as I was to draft yet another Fantasy Baseball team. This time it was for the league that I had expected to be in all along. For the past several years I’ve taken part in my friend Werner’s league and although he moved to Colorado, the league still continues. The only difference is that the draft had to be later on account of the time difference.

I took the next several hours to pre-rank my players so that I wouldn’t be scrambling throughout the draft to see who to pick next. I also made myself a nice dinner consisting of flank steak, broccoli, and brown rice and burned through 5 songs on my iPodyssey while I cooked. (Death Cab’s “Summer Skin” to The Magnetic Fields “The Sun Goes Down and The World Goes Dancing”. I even got some TV time in and watched last night’s episodes of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report which I had missed due to last night’s selection marathon.

My only hope was that tonight the Baseball gods would be merciful and that instead of a draft where each pick was without a time limit, the rounds would speed by like life so often does, in the blink of an eye. When 9:30pm rolled around I was seated my computer ready to draft a new team, also named “Met Offensive” (I just want somebody to get it). This time I had the 2nd pick in the draft and went with New York Mets Shortstop José Reyes. It felt nice to get a Met in the lineup with my 1st pick so I didn’t have to change the team name. Forty-Five minutes later in round 21 I was selecting Kansas City Royals 3rd Baseman Mark Teahen to round out my roster. Compared to the previous evening, tonight’s picking process was pretty painless. I’m not sure if my team is any good but at least the hard part is over with. Now my one goal is to WIN, WIN, WIN…as I unleash my own Met Offensive on unsuspecting opponents.

Reyes of Light

So there you have it. That’s pretty much how I’ve spent the last two days in a magical FantasyBaseball Land. Now I must get back to reality…and what a harsh reality it is.

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