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Kevin Costner and The Agony of Victory

Posted by evankessler on January 25, 2007

If you just read further, you’ll understand why he’s here

It would’ve been really easy to come up with another title with “Love” in the title as a nod to today’s portion of the iPodyssey. However, that would be misleading as Wednesday was about much more than the songs that I listened to on my portable music player.

For the most part, the majority of my day was spent in a stationary position with my ass cemented to my desk chair and my eyes wearily gazing at the same computer screen that they are glued to this very moment. I was scouring the world wide netweb for employment and chatting up some friends on the Instant Messager (Messenger?). At around 3pm I decided to venture outside for what amounted to approximately 3 minutes as I ran to the corner store to grab a New York Times and a Village Voice. I had decided prior to stepping outside that I would buy the New York Times because tonight was Pub Trivia night at the Black Sheep Pub and my team, The Dead Parrots, would need all of the knowledge we could get our hands on. Furthermore, I thought that it would be a pleasant activity to do the crossword and read the newspaper while eating lunch and listening to my iPod over the kitchen speakers. It was the perhaps the laziest and therefore most rewarding form of multitasking ever imagined.

I followed through with the aforementioned plan, not missing a single step. Sandwich-Check, Crossword Puzzle…Check. iPod…Check. Speakers…check. Let’s make some magic. The magic began as the speakers blared Ryan Adams “Love is Hell” and continued through 18 more tracks finally stopping at Broken Social Scene’s “Lover’s Spit”. At that point I had managed to make a small dent in the crossword, browse through each section of the newspaper, pick up key facts, not to mention finish my sandwich and white bean salad. It was quite the efficient cram session.

After my cram session I went back to sitting in front of ol’ Señor Computador and got into an IM session with my ol’ Syracuse friend Jill G. We started discussing blogs and getting traffic to your blogs…the following is a direct transcript of what happened next in the conversation:

JG: oooh, i’m gonna start a blog

EK: but if you build it, they will come

JG: that’s what i’m told

JG: but i don’t even know what to blog about

EK: you should make a blog about getting kevin costner to visit your blog and send you a picture of him on your blog

EK: you should call it, If I Blog Him, He Will Come

JG: hahaha

JG: I should totally do that

EK: or If I Blog About Him He Will Come

EK: Actually I might do that now

EK: Blogging about celebrities to get them to send me picture of them visiting my blog

JG: it’s your idea… run with it

JG: hahah

EK: I’ll write it down

JG: haha

JG: I like that idea actually


There’s actually a lot more to that transcript but with that a new idea was born and I quickly put it into blog format. It is the exact idea laid out in the conversation above. It is entitled “IF I BLOG THEM, THEY WILL COME“. I encourage you to notify all of your friends in Los Angeles about it. Our ultimate goal is to get a picture of Kevin Costner looking at the blog. Once we get Kevin Costner to do so, we will move onto other celebrities. It may be the dumbest idea ever…but it’s just got to work.

Also as a result of our conversation, Jill started her own blog. You should check it out because Jill is certainly a very funny person with an excellent sense of humor. She was also the last person to participate in the EvanKessler.com Guerrilla Interview.

I spent the next several hours, crossing my T’s and dotting my lowercase i’s on the new blog, but soon enough it was time to venture out to the Black Sheep Pub for the long awaited Pub Quiz. After two weeks of salivating for our chance at revenge on the trivia gods, this was to be our one shining moment, like that song they play at the end of March Madness every April. The previous outing The Dead Parrots, consisting of myself, Maureen, Laura R, and Andrew Morton had finished with a mere 31 points out of 50. At the same time our B-team (Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys) consisting of Stephen H, Katie O, Laura B, and Dan F, beat us out and finished in 2nd place overall with 1 or 2 more points. We were determined to show them up this time.

At first it looked like our teams would not be reunited as we had an odd number of folks. We scrambled to make the teams fair but in the end, The Dead Parrots were together again, just like old times. We had a rough go of it at first. As the the first 5 rounds rolled by our team did a lot of grimacing at each other as the questions were certainly more difficult than the last time. On a couple of questions we had the right answers only to change them to the wrong one at the last second. At the halfway point, The Dead Parrots were in 4th or 5th place with 15 correct answers, but the two rival teams that resulted from our oversized gathering were slightly behind us. Maureen, Laura, Andrew, and I knew that if we were going to win a prize, we had to clean up the next five rounds. So how did we do? Coming into the last round, we had increased our average correct answer per round by one. We thought we might be in the running for 2nd or 3rd. I think we managed to get 3 or 4 in the final round and as the final papers were handed in we sat nervously, yet with confidence.

We had our gamefaces on fully expecting to come away with maybe the free round of drinks afforded the third place team. That would’ve been perfectly fine with us. However, something amazing happened…the trivia MC announced a 4-way tie at 36 and guess who was one of the teams? The Dead Parrots had done it. Our effort had been validated! This was truly an accomplishment. The only way we wouldn’t win something was if we totally screwed up the tiebreaker question…but how could we. We were on a roll.

Feeling supremely confident the quizmaster read off the final questions. “How many ridges are there on a quarter?”. Wow. What kind of question is that? We’re good with history, art, pop culture, geography, current events…give us something like that. This was like having a jar of jelly beans and asking…”How many beans are in the jar? The team with the closest number wins.” So, we all thought that the number of ridges would have to have some significance so Andrew blurted out 50 for the 50 states. Well, that logic made sense to me. So we handed in our answer…and that’s when I pulled quarter out of my pocket.

Damn You U.S. Mint!!!

Let me just say…we were off. Apparently a quarter has 119 ridges. Nothing significant about that number, just that’s all they could fit I suppose. We were the 4th closest team to the actual number and therefore we ended up in fourth place. No prize money, no free drinks, no nothin’. Oh the agony. However, the fact that we finished in a first place tie made us feel like winners. After pushing through the initial pain, we came to realize that we had accomplished a remarkable improvement and we’re that much more confident that we’re gonna win it all next time. As Jefferson Starship would say “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”.

Wednesday’s iPodyssey Favorites: Beth Orton “Love Like Laughter”, Jonny Polonsky “Love Lovely Love”, Luna “Lovedust”, The Cardigans “Lovefool”, Bright Eyes “Love I Don’t Have To Love”, The Clash “Lover’s Rock”


One Response to “Kevin Costner and The Agony of Victory”

  1. heather said

    your blog has many labels

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