Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Archive for January, 2007

World Wide Explosion

Posted by evankessler on January 31, 2007


Well it’s certainly been a whirlwind of a day. After last night’s mention on defamer the Costner blog virtually exploded into the internet stratosphere. After more than one full day of the best publicity having no money can buy, “If I Blog It They Will Come” garnered 1/4 the amount of hits that this here blog has taken about 2 and a half years to accumulate. Just goes to show you what a little star power can do.

Most of my day was spent monitoring the internet progress of my new venture and coming up with a new post for the Costner site with a little help from Andrew Morton. I fully expected to hear from KC after drumming up such a strong initial internet reaction. However, after many email reviews my cup of Costner did not exactly runneth over. My faith is not damaged though. I shall press on with one mission on my mind. Perhaps, I should give myself a second mission though as I am currently without employment. Okay, let’s revise that…I shall press on with two missions on my mind, the first mission being to get a photo of Kevin Costner looking at the If I Blog It site and the second mission being to get a job. Right, that sounds sensible.

Nevermind what my mission was today, my eyes were very weary from constantly staring at my computer screen. I had barely slept the evening before due to both excitement and the disruption of my sleep cycle caused by my weekend on the town. Several times during the day I found myself retiring to my futon for a little shut eye, as I had been a complete zombie for most of the day.

I eventually made it out later on for drinks with Jill M and I took my iPod with me to resume my iPodyssey for a rather short term. As I walked towards Carroll Gardens with iPod in hand I finished up Death Cab for Cutie’s “Marching Bands of Manhattan” and moved onto Neko Case’s “Margaret vs. Pauline” until it was accidentally set back to the former song. It took me about 30 seconds to realize that I was on a song that I had already listened to, a credit to the depth of my zombie like state. I finally arrived to meet Jill at Angry Wade’s just before the iPod struck the New Pornographers “Mass Romantic”. It had been several months since Jill and I had gathered for our regular Tuesday drinks. She had recently acquired a boyfriend and I up until recently had been burdened with employment. It was nice to get back into that old ebb and flow again as the drinks washed against us like the sea into a pier (Thanks David Berman). We had a bartender who was a tad bit off but still very friendly and she allowed us to smuggle our Pepperidge Farm Cheddar Goldfish, our old favorite bar snack from the Village Tavern drinking days.

Jill and I engaged in odd pop culture conversation that certainly caught the ear of many a patron. Our bartender attempted to chime in with her two cents by letting out a few shrieks as we discussed the oddity that is Fuse’s “Pant’s off Dance off” as well as the uneasiness brought on by it’s host, Jody Sweetin, formerly of Full House. We also looked on in horror as the Syracuse score repeatedly scrolled across the bottom of the screen alerting us to the growing disparity in score in the game between the Orange and the Fighting Irish. It was not pretty. I don’t predict a favorable finish for Boeheim’s beloved. What can you do but look on in horror?

After about 4 drinks Jill and I decided to split and head our separate ways. I resumed the iPodyssey picking it up with the New Pornographers and getting through 7 more full songs before hitting Cat Power’s “Maybe Not”, making today’s iPodyssey total 15 songs. I was afraid I’d stop on Sheryl Crow’s “Maybe Angels” and have to admit to liking a few Sheryl Crow songs, but then I just decided to throw this into the post and admit it anyway. What can I say? She’s written a few good tunes.

The rest of the night was not marked by any significant events other than that I continue to be on this Costner thing. However, I don’t feel as optimistic about tomorrow’s numbers. I think we may die down unless we can get a few more links on some big sites. Who knows though? I’m predicting but a fraction of today’s success. Then again, anything that’s a reasonable fraction of today’s 1,877 hits will be quite remarkable.

Tuesday’s iPodyssey Favorites:
Neko Case “Margaret vs. Pauline”, Kathleen Edwards “Maria”, Tom Petty & The Hearbreakers “Mary Jane’s Last Dance”, New Pornographers “Mass Romantic”, Mos Def “Mathematics”.

Advertisements

Posted in Brooklyn, drinking, Kevin Costner | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I’m All Out Of Love

Posted by evankessler on January 26, 2007

Last night I came to a realization. That realization was that seeing as I have no job at the moment, I can actually post at whatever point in the day I wish. If I want to post at 10:23 in the morning on a Friday about the day before, then so be it. So here I am…posting at 10:23am about yesterday because I was simply too tired upon returning home last night to submerge myself in my usual typing frenzy.

In any case, my day yesterday did not effectively begin until 5:25pm. Up to then the majority of my day was spent searching for jobs and attempting to promote my new Kevin Costner-related Venture. At the aforementioned time I left my apartment and made for the city for a happy hour sponsored by Hey Lets Go!, a company that I am currently doing some work for as both a social ambassador and events editor. iPod in hand I began another brief run on the iPodyssey as I walked towards the train, beginning with Broken Social Scene’s “Lover’s Spit” and followed by the Cure’s “Lovesong”. And just like that, the “love” section of the iPodyssey had ended. I’m not sure how long I expected it to go on but I thought there would be more than the 33 actual songs it encompassed. The spell was broken by a string of 2 songs entitled “Low” by the likes of Cracker and R.E.M. who then followed themselves with a song called “Low Desert”. Before the subway ride was over I had buzzed through two songs called “Low Light” by Idlewild and Pearl Jam. All in a days work…or listening.

I ran into Miller at 6:05pm on the corner of W.3rd and Broadway as I was enjoying the tail end of a Radiohead two-fer as “Lucky” succeeded “Lozenge of Love”. He and I were both en route to the Hey Let’s Go event at the Leela Lounge. Ahmad, Dmitry, and I had conference called him earlier and had entire conversation about our evening plans as Miller’s voicemail listened in so he knew where to go.

When we arrived we were the only ones there and nobody from the bar seemed to know that an event was taking place. That got straightened out soon enough and we were joined by Ahmad and Dmitry. Soon, more people from the website arrived such as Sunjay, Matt, and Pallavi whom I had met on Saturday at the wine tasting. However, my Happy Hour was to be short lived as I had to rush back to Brooklyn at 7:30 to meet Arby. He had notified me around 4pm in the afternoon that he had tickets to see Dean Wareham & Britta Phillips (both formerly of the band Luna) at Union Hall. I was excited to see such a sublime duo at such a small venue so close to my apartment. It’s the kind of thing that makes you all warm and fuzzy. My subway docked at Pacific St. at 8:03pm and I sprinted home to get some downtime before having to meet Arby. My daily iPodyssey ended on Radiohead’s “Lurgee” as I walked through the door to my apartment.

I met Arby outside of Union Hall at 8:30 as we rolled up at the exact same moment. Good timing. We chose to hang out downstairs and get a good spot. Unfortunately, the Union Hall stage isn’t elevated high enough, so unless you’re very tall, the only really good spot is right up front. We chose a column midway back to lean on. In the 15 minutes I was home before the show I had recharged my camera and brought it with me to take some pictures which would not prove to be an easy task from where I was standing, seeing from there was difficult enough.

A Nice Photo of Dean and Britta not taken by me

The opener’s name was something like Sean Cahill and he played a vibraphone, which I think is like an electric xylophone. There was something unsettling and creepy about him. At around 10pm Dean and Britta came on with several accompanists that I could not see. They played their blend of dreamy, melodic pop for a little over an hour promoting their new album which comes out in a few weeks. The only songs I recognized were “Night Nurse” from their first album together as well as their cover of Serge Gainsbourg’s “Bonnie & Clyde” which appears on 2 Luna albums. Overall, it was an excellent show. My only complaint is that I wish I could’ve seen better, though I certainly did have the opportunity to get a better spot in the early goings.

The Cleanest Shot I Could Get of Britta Phillips

The Cleanest Shot I Could Get of Dean Wareham

After the show, Arby and I went upstairs and had two drinks as we sat at the bar before calling it a night. Upon arriving home, I had a brief chat with Marty as we watched “Scrubs” but once the clock hit 1am I knew it was about time to fall asleep.

Well, this wasn’t so bad was it? Taking the extra time to get my story straight instead of blogging right way. The world didn’t fall apart and nobody panicked. Alright, well, I’ve got a busy day, I’ve got places to go and people to see. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about it later.

Posted in concerts | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Kevin Costner and The Agony of Victory

Posted by evankessler on January 25, 2007

If you just read further, you’ll understand why he’s here

It would’ve been really easy to come up with another title with “Love” in the title as a nod to today’s portion of the iPodyssey. However, that would be misleading as Wednesday was about much more than the songs that I listened to on my portable music player.

For the most part, the majority of my day was spent in a stationary position with my ass cemented to my desk chair and my eyes wearily gazing at the same computer screen that they are glued to this very moment. I was scouring the world wide netweb for employment and chatting up some friends on the Instant Messager (Messenger?). At around 3pm I decided to venture outside for what amounted to approximately 3 minutes as I ran to the corner store to grab a New York Times and a Village Voice. I had decided prior to stepping outside that I would buy the New York Times because tonight was Pub Trivia night at the Black Sheep Pub and my team, The Dead Parrots, would need all of the knowledge we could get our hands on. Furthermore, I thought that it would be a pleasant activity to do the crossword and read the newspaper while eating lunch and listening to my iPod over the kitchen speakers. It was the perhaps the laziest and therefore most rewarding form of multitasking ever imagined.

I followed through with the aforementioned plan, not missing a single step. Sandwich-Check, Crossword Puzzle…Check. iPod…Check. Speakers…check. Let’s make some magic. The magic began as the speakers blared Ryan Adams “Love is Hell” and continued through 18 more tracks finally stopping at Broken Social Scene’s “Lover’s Spit”. At that point I had managed to make a small dent in the crossword, browse through each section of the newspaper, pick up key facts, not to mention finish my sandwich and white bean salad. It was quite the efficient cram session.

After my cram session I went back to sitting in front of ol’ Señor Computador and got into an IM session with my ol’ Syracuse friend Jill G. We started discussing blogs and getting traffic to your blogs…the following is a direct transcript of what happened next in the conversation:

JG: oooh, i’m gonna start a blog

EK: but if you build it, they will come

JG: that’s what i’m told

JG: but i don’t even know what to blog about

EK: you should make a blog about getting kevin costner to visit your blog and send you a picture of him on your blog

EK: you should call it, If I Blog Him, He Will Come

JG: hahaha

JG: I should totally do that

EK: or If I Blog About Him He Will Come

EK: Actually I might do that now

EK: Blogging about celebrities to get them to send me picture of them visiting my blog

JG: it’s your idea… run with it

JG: hahah

EK: I’ll write it down

JG: haha

JG: I like that idea actually

FIN

There’s actually a lot more to that transcript but with that a new idea was born and I quickly put it into blog format. It is the exact idea laid out in the conversation above. It is entitled “IF I BLOG THEM, THEY WILL COME“. I encourage you to notify all of your friends in Los Angeles about it. Our ultimate goal is to get a picture of Kevin Costner looking at the blog. Once we get Kevin Costner to do so, we will move onto other celebrities. It may be the dumbest idea ever…but it’s just got to work.

Also as a result of our conversation, Jill started her own blog. You should check it out because Jill is certainly a very funny person with an excellent sense of humor. She was also the last person to participate in the EvanKessler.com Guerrilla Interview.

I spent the next several hours, crossing my T’s and dotting my lowercase i’s on the new blog, but soon enough it was time to venture out to the Black Sheep Pub for the long awaited Pub Quiz. After two weeks of salivating for our chance at revenge on the trivia gods, this was to be our one shining moment, like that song they play at the end of March Madness every April. The previous outing The Dead Parrots, consisting of myself, Maureen, Laura R, and Andrew Morton had finished with a mere 31 points out of 50. At the same time our B-team (Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys) consisting of Stephen H, Katie O, Laura B, and Dan F, beat us out and finished in 2nd place overall with 1 or 2 more points. We were determined to show them up this time.

At first it looked like our teams would not be reunited as we had an odd number of folks. We scrambled to make the teams fair but in the end, The Dead Parrots were together again, just like old times. We had a rough go of it at first. As the the first 5 rounds rolled by our team did a lot of grimacing at each other as the questions were certainly more difficult than the last time. On a couple of questions we had the right answers only to change them to the wrong one at the last second. At the halfway point, The Dead Parrots were in 4th or 5th place with 15 correct answers, but the two rival teams that resulted from our oversized gathering were slightly behind us. Maureen, Laura, Andrew, and I knew that if we were going to win a prize, we had to clean up the next five rounds. So how did we do? Coming into the last round, we had increased our average correct answer per round by one. We thought we might be in the running for 2nd or 3rd. I think we managed to get 3 or 4 in the final round and as the final papers were handed in we sat nervously, yet with confidence.

We had our gamefaces on fully expecting to come away with maybe the free round of drinks afforded the third place team. That would’ve been perfectly fine with us. However, something amazing happened…the trivia MC announced a 4-way tie at 36 and guess who was one of the teams? The Dead Parrots had done it. Our effort had been validated! This was truly an accomplishment. The only way we wouldn’t win something was if we totally screwed up the tiebreaker question…but how could we. We were on a roll.

Feeling supremely confident the quizmaster read off the final questions. “How many ridges are there on a quarter?”. Wow. What kind of question is that? We’re good with history, art, pop culture, geography, current events…give us something like that. This was like having a jar of jelly beans and asking…”How many beans are in the jar? The team with the closest number wins.” So, we all thought that the number of ridges would have to have some significance so Andrew blurted out 50 for the 50 states. Well, that logic made sense to me. So we handed in our answer…and that’s when I pulled quarter out of my pocket.

Damn You U.S. Mint!!!

Let me just say…we were off. Apparently a quarter has 119 ridges. Nothing significant about that number, just that’s all they could fit I suppose. We were the 4th closest team to the actual number and therefore we ended up in fourth place. No prize money, no free drinks, no nothin’. Oh the agony. However, the fact that we finished in a first place tie made us feel like winners. After pushing through the initial pain, we came to realize that we had accomplished a remarkable improvement and we’re that much more confident that we’re gonna win it all next time. As Jefferson Starship would say “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”.

Wednesday’s iPodyssey Favorites: Beth Orton “Love Like Laughter”, Jonny Polonsky “Love Lovely Love”, Luna “Lovedust”, The Cardigans “Lovefool”, Bright Eyes “Love I Don’t Have To Love”, The Clash “Lover’s Rock”

Posted in Kevin Costner | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Love Boat

Posted by evankessler on January 24, 2007


Love…Exciting and new. Come aboard EvanKessler.com readers. Gopher, Doc, Captain Stubing and company are expecting you. Where are we going? Well, we’re not technically going anywhere but we’ve reached a landmark on this here journey we (or more accurately, I) call the iPodyssey.

At approximately 5:20 today while engaged in a heated cardio session on the elliptical machine at the Body Reserve gym, I, Evan Kessler, realized I was in love…or more specifically into the “Love” section on my alphabetical journey through my iPod. Tuesday’s stretch of songs began a mere 4o minutes before as I left my apartment and headed towards the gym to the tune of Aimee Mann’s “Lost In Space”. The next 3 songs I heard shared the same title though the one immediately following was an upbeat number by the Fountains of Wayne . The two consequential tracks of the same name were live and album versions of a Luna song.

Several times during my workout I felt on the verge of breaking the “love” barrier. The first time was directly after Golden Smog’s “Lost Love”, a song whose title suggested a passing of the torch between two theme words. It would have seemed as if after 10 straight songs with the word “lost” in their title the word had finally gotten tired and said, “hey love, you take over…I’m on my last legs”. That was wishful thinking though and the “lost” section forged on for two more songs. At the end of Lauryn Hill’s “Lost Ones” there’s a skit where a guy is in a classroom teaching kids about love. That would’ve been the perfect cue for the “love” section to start, but wishful thinking took a back seat to reality once again as Stephen Malkmus interrupted with a “Loud…” song that resonated in my eardrum simultaneously with both enjoyment and disappointment. “Loud” was given one more turn and morphed into “Lounge…” for Nirvana before cupid fired his arrow into my iPod at the aforementioned time of 5:20pm.

The first “Love” selection was titled simply that and was rhymed by the mighty Mos Def. My trip to the gym ended two songs later on Rilo Kiley’s “Love & War (11/11/46)” and finally I arrived home to the tune of Kurt Cobain howling about a “Love Buzz”. The Tuesday iPodyssey could’ve ended there but I extended it a few more songs when I went to the grocery store and ultimately ended up 24 songs after I began, with Ryan Adams singing about how “Love Is Hell”.

The rest of the evening was quite enjoyable as I met up with John, Jess, James, Colleen, and Mitch at the Lighthouse where we ate, drank, and played some pool. Also, John gave me a 20o7 Kill Buffalo Records Sampler featuring new music from Earl Pickens as well as the new band signed to John’s Label, The Roadside Graves. Looks like I’ve got some listening to do before bed time. However, remember to tune in to tomorrow’s iPodyssey where the love the points double…or at least I listen to more “Love” songs.

P.S. I’m experimenting with a few new template options so bear with me.

Tuesday’s Favorites: Aimee Mann “Lost In Space”, Luna “Lost In Space”, The Clash “Lost In The Supermarket”, Golden Smog “Lost Love”, Clem Snide “Lost Music”, Lauryn Hill “Lost Ones”, Cat Power “Love & Communication”, Rilo Kiley “Love and War (11/11/46)”, Pearl Jam “Love Boat Captain”

Posted in Earl Pickens | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

A Little Bit of This Oughtta Do The Trick

Posted by evankessler on January 19, 2007

Is handsoap just as effective as deodorant soap? The reason I ask is because earlier in the day our handyman was back to repaint the ceiling and all of the toiletries had been removed from the bathroom so as not to be infected by the paint. After the painting was done I went to the gym and upon my return decided to take a shower. However, when I jumped into the shower, I realized that the only soap within my reach was the handsoap by the sink. Rather than put on a towel and fetch my deodorant soap I decided that the handsoap would suffice. The lather action was certainly satisfactory and I quite agreed with the Morning Mist scent which was a welcome respite from my body’s normal odoriforous emanation of the Irish spring milieu.

While I certainly don’t plan on using hand soap for all of my future shower excursions, it was certainly a reliable standby. My only regret is that I don’t know if I am sufficiently cleansed by said hand soap. Is there a degree of cleanliness that deodorant soap holds over hand soap that I am missing out on, ultimately making me filthy in my current state? Well, no matter, I suppose I don’t have huge plans for the evening. I can get by smelling like morning mist until the actual morning mist makes its appearance in nature…though not in my apartment.

In any case…now that I’ve pondered that I shall let you know that the iPodyssey advanced a mere 15 songs from Sparklehorse’s “Little Fat Baby” to Oasis’ “Live Forever”. The most remarkable part about today’s song span was the fact that there were three songs starting with “Little Red…”. One came from Loretta Lynn, one from Fountains of Wayne, and the final one from Eef Barzelay. Other than that, I heard one of my favorite cover’s of all time, Yo La Tengo doing the Beach Boys’ “Little Honda”. It’s more of a summer song but listening to it in winter warms me up. Alright, time to figure out my evening plans…I might even get some more listening in if I walk to someone’s house…Isn’t that exciting?!?!?!?!?!?!

Friday Favorites: Sparklehorse “Little Fat Baby”, Yo La Tengo “Little Honda”, The Replacements “Little Mascara”, The Cardigans “Live and Learn”, Pulp “Live Bed Show”.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Listen, The Snow is Falling…on Brooklyn

Posted by evankessler on January 19, 2007


Greenpeace, put away your global warming clipboards…winter is finally here, albeit about a month or two too late. Yes that’s right snow fell on Brooklyn this afternoon, though it was but a flurry. I had gone outside to pick up my laundry and get some groceries and all of the sudden I was immersed in a winter wonderland, as fluffy flakes landed on the bridge of my nose but dissolved on contact. There was no stickage but the ground did become slightly slippery. Upon returning to my apartment holding a bag of groceries in one hand and laundry in the other, I nearly did a faceplant as my steps were coated with a thin layer of slush. Luckily, I kept my balance and did not require any ambulatory assistance. In previous years, I would hold off on declaring the beginning of winter until my first major stumble of the season, but this year the slip will suffice seeing as we’ll all be dead due to global warming by next week. Well, there’s never been a better time to evolve into a creature with gills.

In iPodyssey news we went from Fiona Apple’s “Limp” to Sparklehorse’s “Little Fat Baby” in a 17 song cycle that lasted from the time I left for the gym until the time I arrived back in my apartment. Included in this span were Galaxie 500’s “Listen, The Snow is Falling” and a repeat of Idlewild’s “Little Discourage”. It was most certainly slow goings on this Thursday. I’m going to have to get a job soon or start getting out more.

Thursday Favorites: Fiona Apple “Limp”, Elastica “Line Up”, Echo & The Bunnymen “Lips Like Sugar”, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers “Listen To Her Heart”, Nirvana “Lithium”, Aimee Mann “Little Bombs”, Idlewild “Little Discourage”

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Loretta Swit and Me

Posted by evankessler on January 18, 2007

In archiving all of my past blog entries, I realized that I used to actually write rather brief blogs occasionally. And since I really didn’t do anything today besides walk to Barnes & Noble and back, there’s not much to talk about. so I figured a fun fact would suffice for tonight:

And now, Today’s Fun Fact:

If you google “loretta swit sitting in the nude pics” my Myspace profile is the 11th result.
Don’t ask me how I know, but it’s not because I looked it up. Seriously, I didn’t look it up but if you ask me at the right time I’ll tell you how I know that.

Loretta Swit not sitting in the nude

In other news, the iPodyssey went from Talking Heads “Life During Wartime” to Fiona Apple “Limp” in 27 moves.

Wednesday Favorites: Shelby Lynne “Life Is Bad”, Pete Yorn “Life On A Chain”, Superdrag “Lighting The Way”, Pulp “Like A Friend”, Kasey Chambers “Like A River”, Bob Dylan “Like A Rolling Stone”, Bloc Party “Like Eating Glass”, Silver Jews “Like Like The The The Death”, Bob Dylan “Lily, Rosemary, and The Jack of Hearts.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

Extra Syllables

Posted by evankessler on January 17, 2007

I swore first on Sunday, during the 24 premiere that I would not watch the American Idol 2 hour premiere special tonight. After all of the ads during 24 the last 2 nights, I just kept saying “I hate that show so much”. I mean, I woke up at around 9:45am and took a shower because I needed to use the bathroom before our handyman came and fixed our bathroom ceiling and not once during my stint in the shower did I think…”I’m going to watch American Idol tonight”. I’ve always maintained that my best thinking is done in the shower. Not even after I got out of the shower and surfed the web for job openings did the fact that “American Idol” was premiering tonight cross my mind. When I walked out of my apartment at 11:55am to meet my friend Kate W for Lunch in Manhattan and resumed the iPodyssey to the tune of R.E.M’s “Leave” from the 1997 album New Adventures In Hi-Fi , Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, and Paula Abdul were the furthest people from my mind. Not even when I stood on the Subway Platform listening to Fountains of Wayne’s “Leave the Biker” and Luna’s “Leave the Planet” did I imagine awfully untalented, tone deaf people shouting the lyrics to Prince songs. That certainly didn’t pop in my head as R.E.M.’s “Leaving New York” played while I transfered from the Q to the B train.

I managed to have an extremely pleasant time walking around the village waiting for Kate W., chatting up the people in my old regular bodega, perusing the shelves at Bleecker St. Records and listening to the 10 minutes of white noise in Wilco’s “Less Than You Think” without so much as remembering that maybe this was the night that a new strain of American Idol fever was about to infect the American public. And it certainly was not on my radar during my pleasant one hour lunch with Kate W.

I’d have to say the first instance that I recognized the threat American Idol might have on my evening was when on my way home I walked past the Reel Movies or Reel Cinema video store on 5th Avenue and noticed that Mike Judge’s latest film Idiocracy was available for rental on DVD. At that point I thought, maybe I should rent it as Mick Jagger seductively howled “Let’s Spend The Night Together”. I deflected Mick’s advances towards the Idiocracy DVD (you know Mick, he goes after anything female.) and remembered that my roommates would most certainly be watching American Idol in the living room and that my DVD player was not working too well and that maybe I should hold off until a night where I could commandeer the living room DVD player. As soon as the threat of American Idol had arrived , it was gone.

I strode into my apartment after a fruitless excursion to the supermarket to the tune of “Life During Wartime”, which is the working title to a script I want to write about the life of a TV Talking Head. Following that, I sat down for about 30 minutes and finished the New York Times Crossword Puzzle for the 2nd day in a row. None of the puzzle clues alluded to American Idol.

Earlier in the day I had planned with my Friend Jessica A to go to a beer and cheese tasting at Bierkraft on 5th avenue at 7pm. It was to feature different Belgians Beers and American (not the style nor having to do with the Idol) Cheeses. However, when I arrived at 7pm I learned that the beer and cheese tasting was full and other plans would have to be made.

Jessica and I resolved to meet at Biscuit BBQ for some good eatins. My palate was focused on ribs and not American Idol. As we sat down, my roommate Marty, along with Jason, DD, Del, and Mackenzie walked into the same restaurant. They were celebrating DD’s birthday and not the premiere of a particular show on FOX. As I ate my ribs, they tasted plain. There was no smokiness, no bite, no soul…kind of like the performances on American Idol.

Jess and I left just after Marty had left and he waited outside. Marty and I arrived home to find our roommate Rob watching American Idol. Despite my previous objections and disinterest, I sat in front of the TV and watched.

THE FOLLOWING IS A LIST OF THOUGHTS I HAD WHILE WATCHING TONIGHT’S EPISODE OF AMERICAN IDOL.

Randy Jackson is mad rude yo

I sort of want to go rent Idiocracy

I think they should rename American Idol “Extra Syllables”

All the leaves are brow-ow-ow-oh-ow-own, and the sky is gre- e-e-e-ay.

Or “Americans Oversinging”

or “Singing Good Songs Minus Any Soul”

Jewel’s going to be the next American Idol

I like how Jewel is pretending like she’s actually thinking about her decision even though the person was obviously horrendous. “How do I not come off like a callous asshole like the people seated next to me? Must…keeep…clean…cut…image…intact…agent’s orders”.

I think she’s having sex with Simon

Is this a two night event?

I’m renting a movie tomorrow. I think I’m going to rent Idiocracy instead of watching this…it just seems to make sense.

Black people vs. White people on the next…and every Trading Spouses


This guy is great, He can jam and juggle… what song is this?

This show is really nice to 15 year olds it teaches them the value of soul crushing failure

This girl needs to get a life

These people are all plants

These are all fakes otherwise they wouldn’t be paying this much attention to these people with all of the backstory

The funny thing is that Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell haven’t done that much to warrant them being famous.

Ryan Seacrest should have a business card that reads Professional Douche.

This guy’s dad is pretty sure his son is gay.

He should be in an alt rock band or an alt abba band. This is going to be awful

Jewel has 2 or 3 hits,why is she judging people.

I bet 14 people sing Nirvana songs when they go to Seattle.

WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG

Tuesday iPodyssey Favorites:
R.E.M. “Leave”, Fountains of Wayne “Leave The Biker”, Galaxie 500 “Leave The Planet”, Pearl Jam “Leavin’ Here”, R.E.M. “Leaving New York”, Bob Dylan “Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat”, Radiohead “Let Down”, The Beatles “Let It Be”, Idlewild “Let Me Sleep Next To The Mirror”, Clem Snide “Let’s Explode”, Bright Eyes “Let’s Not Shit Ourselves”, The Magnetic Fields “Let’s Pretend We’re Bunny Rabbits”, Al Green “Let’s Stay Together”, The Rolling Stones “Let’s Spend The Night Together”, New Pornographers “Letter from an Occupant”.


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Why is there no K Train?

Posted by evankessler on January 12, 2007


It would’ve made telling the tale of Thursday’s iPodyssey and subsequent happening that much more fun. Imagine the scene, I’m at the Atlantic Ave subway station listening to a “K” song, when all of the sudden the mysterious and magical K train comes by providing the ultimate coincidence, nay sign, letting me know that I’m on the right path with my iPod adventure.

In any case, that’s not what happened. Truth be told I spent most of the day waiting for a phone call that never came and continuing the great EvanKessler.com archival project. The entire contents of the original EvanKessler.com will be restored to this here blog by the end of the week to anyone who cares. Right now, I’ve gone as far back as January of ’05. I’ve also added some photos to the old posts. You’ll notice two new link in my links section pointing to the EvanKessler.com Guerrilla interviews from the old site but in new blogger form. I’ve also linked to my friend Jim’s music blog Pop Headwound. So check out those links, though the Guerrilla Interviews section has yet to be completely restored.

After a day in which my focus was solely on improving the contents of this here website, the advent of the evening shifted my fixation towards imbibing alcohol. At around 6pm I grabbed my iPod and walked towards the Atlantic station listening to Luna’s “Kalamazoo” to get the Thursday iPodyssey off to a late start. As I waited for the D train into Manhattan I burned through about 5 songs up to Broken Social Scene’s “KC Accidental”. At this point the 2nd M train in 15 minutes had come rolling into the station. I had passed on it the first time because I had no subway map near me at the time and where it went was a complete mystery to me. Perhaps, the M in M train stands for Mystery. After boarding the Mystery train, I surmised that the train would probably take me much closer to my destination than the D would’ve as the D would’ve require a transfer to the F.

While riding the M train I felt like I was in some sort of secret netherworld. Everyone seemed a little off. Some people were laughing crazily aloud, other people sat huddled to themselves with a devilish grin, while still others seemed to have no idea what they were doing on this train and seemed to be plotting their escape. You can put me in the latter group. I kept my spirits up and suspicions down by bopping along to Weezer’s “Keep Fishin'” and Superdrag’s “Keep it Close To Me” and soon the nightmare was over as I exited the Delancey-Essex stop to the final chorus of Black Grape’s “Kelly’s Heroes”.

My destination was a bar called SKINny on Orchard Street, where I’d be meeting several friends for happy hour. It wasn’t a long walk but I my musical accompaniment was lacking as I was enduring the silent section of a 13 minute song entitled “Ken’s Polka Thing”. Soon I arrived at the bar and found Suli, Rich, Lauren H, and Andy enjoying the cheap beer. We were soon joined by Ahmad, Abdullah, Pat, Jeni, her friend Mark, and Jason S. Conversation was quite enjoyable as Suli came up with the idea of sexual simulation games on the Nintendo Wii. I think there’s a lot of money in that idea but I also think the adult companies are always one step ahead of everyone. We were also mesmerized by the John Waters Film “Pink Flamingos” being projected on the wall above our table. It’s hard to turn away from a sex scene involving chickens as disturbing as it might be. It certainly is not the most disturbing part of the movie but we don’t have to go into all of that.

The night ended somewhere in the early 10’s and Andy, Jason, and I jumped on the F train back to Brooklyn. I started listening to my iPod while talking to them so I could get through the silent part of “Ken’s Polka Thing”. They got off 2 stops before me and the iPodyssey resumed for 7 more songs including doubles of Pavement’s “Kennel District” as I walked home from the 4th and 9th stop. After 5 beers and 19 songs, I walked through the door to the tune of Wilco’s “Kicking Television” thus ending my day as I changed into pajama like clothing and watched the Daily Show and Colbert report before heading off to the bed. I expect big things this weekend with a Cold Hands Collective show at Southpaw tonight, Ken S’s birthay tomorrow and some playoff football throughout. Stay tuned for more updates.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Yes There Really Is A Kalamazoo

Posted by evankessler on January 11, 2007


I’m not much in the mood for writing but I feel that it’s my duty to keep a good thing going. Today was not very eventful but the event that took place today was quite enjoyable. … but first I’ll get you caught up on the iPodyssey. I went to the gym from at around 2pm and my daily iPodyssey began with Jurassic 5’s “Jurass Finish First”. Towards the end of my workout I broke new ground when “K-Hole” by the Silver Jews popped on. I figure the “K” section is going to be pretty short seeing as I can’t think of many words that begin with “K”. My Thursday iPod journey would end two songs later after two songs called “Kalamazoo”, one by Ben Folds and one by Luna. Who knew there were two songs by two different artists titled “Kalamazoo”.

The rest of my day was spent building up to the evening’s main event. A week or so ago I had sent around and email to a couple of friends about getting a Pub Quiz team together. Tonight, at the Black Sheep Pub on Bergen St. in Park Slope that team came came to play, or more specifically those two teams came to play. The response was so favorable to my Pub Quiz idea that 8 people came out to play and we were able to form 2 teams of 4 people to compete in the event at the cost of $5 a head.

Team one was the Dead Parrots, consisting of myself, Andrew Morton, Maureen H, and Laura R.

Team two was Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys consisting of Stephen H, Katie O, Laura B, and Dan F.

To make a long story short at the halfway point the Dead Parrots were leading over the entire bar with 18 questions answered correctly. We each had our high points and teamwork was certainly the watchword of the evening as we each contributed evenly. Everyone’s scope of knowledge complemented that of their neighbor’s. However, these were no easy questions and by the time the 10th and final round of questions had ended, we no longer felt so optimistic about our chances after being shut out in one of the final rounds. As the story goes, we ended up in 4th place and Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys took 2nd place.

However, I’d like to warn all other Pub Quiz contestants, The Dead Parrots will be back on January 24th and they’ll be back with a vengeance. Take heed.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »