Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

What’s your Holideal®?

Posted by evankessler on December 25, 2006

You Can Get A Great Holideal On This Bedspread at Fingerhut.com

Hello, heathens and holy folk. Ye are all welcome to sit at the table of EvanKessler.com holiday cheer and jeer. There’s not much to report this weekend since I last reported on my goings on, whereabouts and listenings. At last I left you, I had rented both Beerfest and Clerks II on Friday Evennig/Saturday morning. I’m happy to report that they were both finished that evening by 3:30 in the am. I have to say, I was not impressed by either of them, though I do think Beerfest was the funnier of the two. Clerks II seemed too much like the first one only the jokes were more contrived, less funny, and with less attention to detail which really pushed the first one over the top. It was 10 years later and Randall and Dante hadn’t changed and were in similar situations but at a different store and had an annoying kid who liked Lord of the Rings alot working with them, a point of plot that was completely overused and bothersome. In any case, I’ll give my holiday jeers to Clerks II even though it was not a holiday movie.

After my solo Friday movie night I woke up at around 11:30am and was utterly bored by 12:30pm. Luckily for me, Andrew Morton would soon call and we went to Blink 182 for lunch down the street. After our lunch where we got our usuals and had trouble figuring out a rather simple check I decided to kill time with Andrew as he got his holiday gifts at the hell hole that is the Atlantic Center mall. As we walked over we were walking behind a bunch of trampy 14 year old girls which is always worrisome. And upon entering and walking past Victoria’s Secret, I saw an 8 year old girl grab her mom and say “Mom I want to something in there”, which was also quite worrisome. I fear for the future. Depraved 8 year olds aside, there were long lines, bothersome children, impatient adults, and plenty of sales. You know, the kind of things you’re wont to see at a mall two days before Christmas. At first we made the move to Bath & Body Works so Andrew could get gifts for his sister but the line was far too long. We would decide it would be better if we went back later.

Next stop was Circuit City, for the many many gifts for male siblings and nieces and nephews. Mr. Morton has quite the large family. I think he’s the last of 10 or 11 children. He’ll most certainly read this so he can correct me. In any case, he bought a bunch of gift cards there but while we were waiting in line near the XM and Sirius satellite radio display I had a battle with a young teenager over the proper radio station to blast. The young teenager was playing with the stations and was blasting some really loud obnoxious hip hop (that doesn’t make me racist right? white people rap too) and then walked away after he had been fiddling with the XM for quite some time. It was my turn to play but since I didn’t feel like fidgeting with all of the buttons I just stopped when I came to Jane’s Addiction “Jane Says” because it was a good enough song, but just innocuous enough to play in a public place. So I stopped there because I didn’t want to play anymore. However, we were not moving in the line and every few seconds the kid from the previous hip hop malady kept poking his head around the corner to see when we were no longer standing near the radios so he could just change it back. We weren’t trying to play enforcer but we just found it funny that the kid kept spying on the radio to see when it would be okay so I just sort of hung by the display.

After a while the kid, his mother, and his baby sister came by. The baby sister just started hitting all of the buttons and switched the display from XM to Sirius which had the Catholic Channel on. That channel was playing a sermon which was immediately frightening and when they walked away I shut it off. Though it’s good to know that if I ever want to hear a Catholic Church sermon, all I have to do is get a subscription to Sirius and I’ll have the preacher right at my fingertips.

When we left circuit city it was back to Bath & Body Works, a store that is just a complete sensory overload with more scented body scrubs than you can shake a stick at. One thing that caught my eye was the Cinnamon Bun 3 in 1 that served as a Bubble Bath, Body Wash, and Shampoo. I wondered how one thing could be good for all of those purposes. I also wondered if it could also serve favorably in the role of condiment. I wouldn’t be surprised if it does.

Several gift cards later, Andrew and I walked to Barnes & Noble on 7th and 6th but on my way there I ran into my brother’s friends from University Sven & Cammie (sp?) who live in my neighborhood, but whom I haven’t seen since I moved in. It’s always nice to know more people where you live, especially when they’re people that you like. We had a brief chat but then it was off to look at books. This was the shortest portion of our day as we quickly decided that it was too crowded. That’s where my wandering around with Mr. Morton ended.

When we split off I got my first iPod listening of the weekend starting with Cat Power’s “Hate” and moving to Lucero’s “Hate and Jealousy”. Nary a dent was made into the iPodyssey though as I only listened as long as it took me to get home from the Barnes & Noble which included only 4 more songs after that, 2 of which were Earl Pickens “Haunt Me” and the final one being Pavement’s “Haunt You Down”.

After a few minutes of loitering at home I got a phone call from Kishore to go see The Good Shepherd with him and his friend Derek in Cobble Hill. We arrived to the 8:30 show at 8:40 but since there are so many previews we didn’t miss a thing. It might’ve been better if we did because the movie was 2 hours and 4o minutes long and not all that great. I think if the reviews your showing in the commercial are Larry King saying, “The Best Spy Movie Ever Made…” then it can’t be a good movie. We also sat in the 2nd row so it was practically an IMAX film except that it was a slow moving drama.

After the film Kishore and I headed into the city to go drinking with one of his friends only by the time we got into Manhattan the party was over, but it was a good thing Kishore drove because taking a subway back would’ve sucked. We went back to Brooklyn and had a drink at Union Hall and then called it a night.

I woke up this morning excited about football but pretty sure that the Giants were going to lose and boy did they ever. The Saints shellacked Big Blue 30-7. I couldn’t really watch after the 3rd quarter. I don’t understand how a team like the Giants who is fighting for their playoff life comes into a meaningful game and plays that poorly and that undisciplined. It was really shameful. Anyway, after that monstrosity of a game I watched the World Series of Pop Culture until 10pm and ate Chinese Food. I could definitely win that show. I wonder if having previously worked for VH1 is a disqualification.

While I was watching the World Series of Pop Culture, I was talking to my friend Nina on gmail chat and made plans to hang out with her and boyfriend Dmitry at their place. I put some clothes on, grabbed the ol’ iPod and hit play and listened from Pavements “Haunt You Down” to Public Enemy’s “He Got Game” (5 songs) on the way down to their place. We drank and watched a horrible episode of Friends and some Globetrekker show. This is how lame Friends was as a show. Ross wanted to go see Hootie & The Blowfish for his birthday and half of the friends couldn’t go because they were too poor. In the end, the three friends who didn’t go are jealous because they partied with the band and one of the Blowfish gave Courtney Cox a hickey. WOW! Talk about excitement!

Anyway, I enjoyed hanging out and having a few beers with Nina and Dmitry. However, when the clock hit 1am I decided that maybe I should let them get some sleep and not overstay my welcome. I hit the road and pressed play. It took me from “He Got Game” to Golden Smog’s “He’s A Dick” (6 songs), then I was ready to write this and go to sleep. And guess what? I already wrote this so it’s time to go to sleep. Merry Christmas, Christmas celebrators.


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