Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Archive for November, 2006

Picks and The Pod

Posted by evankessler on November 30, 2006

Well, my iPod odyssey has passed the week point and at the current rate of which I’m going through songs, I should have gone through my complete iPod music library by this time next year. However, I cannot be sure. I only managed to burn through 46 songs and a good chunk of them at the gym. The days listenings took me from Uncle Tupelo’s “Anodyne” to R.E.M.’s “At My Most Beautiful”. The gym was most certainly difficult to get through as I was tempted to do some fast forwarding due to having to hear both album and live versions of Wilco’s “Ashes of American Flags” and “At Least That’s What You Said”, the latter of which has an album version with 11 minutes of white noise at the end. I was dreading the eerie hum of silence when my iPod decided it would skip the silence for some reason. Phew! Luckily the pace picked up with “Astro” by the White Stripes” and Pavement’s “AT&T”. I feel the B’s coming on tomorrow.

In other news I saw an ad for a midtown deli in the village voice which was advertising 10% off all Sensuos Female Bodybuilding & Erotic Wrestling videos (p.32 Nov.29-Dec.5, 2006 edition). That’s quite the ad campaign for a deli.

In other sports news, Week 13 of the NFL is upon us with yet another Thursday evening game and after another stellar week picking games last week where my opponent Bruce and I both finished with an exceptional 11-5 result…I’m ready to take a hack at the current week in the hopes that I can build on my one game season lead. So without further ado:

Ravens over Bengals (Bruce picks Bengals)
Rams over Cardinals (Bruce picks Cardinals)
Falcons over Redskins (Bruce picks Redskins)
Patriots over Lions
Colts over Titans
Chiefs over Browns
Bears over Vikings
Jets over Packers
Chargers over Bills
Saints over 49ers
Raiders over Texans (Bruce picks Texans)
Dolphins over Jaguars (Bruce over Jaguars)
Cowboys over Giants (this one hurt)
Steelers over Buccaneers
Seahawks over Broncos
Panthers over Eagles

Week 12 Results
Evan 11-5
Bruce 11-5

Evan 106-70
Bruce 105-71

Posted in football picks | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

American Girls named Ann, Annie, and Anna.

Posted by evankessler on November 29, 2006

Well, it was an quite the day in the life of my iPod Journey that took me from “All You Need Is Love” (The Beatles) to “Anodyne” (Uncle Tupelo) in 53 moves. I barely noticed the songs I blazed through during most of the day as I concentrated on the tasks at hand that they pay me to focus on on company time. I jumped the gun yesterday in thinking that after “All You Need Is Love” I was to undoubtedly jump into the “Am” section of my songs. I seemed to neglect an entire section of songs that started with “Almost” (3) as well “Alone” (5). On my way towards “Anodyne”, I took time to appreciate some songs about America and others about Angels but the crowning moment of the today’s leg of my iPod journey only became apparent to me as I walked home late tonight from the subway after attending a shiva call at my friend Deb’s apartment.

Prior to arriving to Deb’s I was walking down 1st avenue listening to Pavement’s “Ann Don’t Cry”. After Deb’s I rode the subway back to Brooklyn and heard two Earl Pickens versions of “Annie” as well as a song of the same title by Elastica to be followed by Ben Folds “Annie Waits” as I walked out of the train and home. It was during this walk home that I realized that in between “Ann Don’t Cry” and the onslaught of “Annie” (not the musical) songs, I had walked to the subway from Deb’s with my friend Anna. If only I had that Counting Crows song “Anna Begins” on my iPod (strangely enough it’s on my itunes) the coincidence would have been that much more astounding. However, I’ll settle for the walk with Anna in the middle of all of the Ann(ie) songs as my fun incident for the day.

This iPod journey gets more profound the further along I get. What will happen next?

Today’s Highlights: “Angeles” by Elliott Smith, “Angel of The Lord” by Fred Eaglesmith, “America, Fuck Yeah!” from the Team America Soundtrack, “American Girls” by Weezer, “Animal Shapes” by Silver Jews

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Journey to The Center (End) of My iPod

Posted by evankessler on November 28, 2006

This past Tuesday I began one giant undertaking. I use the word undertaking because I think it denotes a giant task…or it denotes burying a dead person but let’s settle on my first interpretation, shall we?

I decided on Tuesday, November 21st that I would attempt to listen to my iPod from beginning to end, all 4500 plus songs. Why did I do this? Perhaps the book I was reading at the time, which featured a main character who was Obsessive Compulsive, had something to do with it. It was not my intention to record any diary but upon second thought and at the urging of my roommate Marty, I’ve decided to log some of my experiences during this great journey of mine.

It all began on Tuesday morning with Outkast’s “?” and then was followed by Elvis Costello’s “…And in Every Home” not due to the “A” at the beginning of the title, but because of the “…”. it seems Evan Kessler’s best friend (the iPod in question’s name) alphabetizes in order of punctuation marks, then numbers, followed by the actual alphabet. So in this case “…And In Every Home” was followed by’ “T” is for Texas’ on account of the quotation marks around the letter T. I was pleasantly surprised by each subsequent alphabetical selection. There were a good deal of songs that began in parentheticals as well, 13 in all. The first number song I hit was Stephen Malkmus’ “1% of One” at song number 18 and I finally hit the first proper A song with Rilo Kiley’s “A Better Son/Daughter on song number 68.

As a result of Saturday’s trip to the gym I had ended my weekend a good 120 songs into my journey on Billy Bragg’s “Accident Waiting to Happen” . As it were, during my workout I had to endure three consecutive versions of “About A Girl”; the first being Cibo Matto’s from the Moonchild EP, the subsequent version being the Nirvana album version and the ungplugged. You’d think moments like these would have discouraged me but I was determined to forge ahead.

Monday morning began where it left off Billy Bragg’s “Accident Waiting to Happen” and ended with a bit of The Beatles “All You Need is Love”. The most remarkable part of where it ended was that from the time I left work at around 6:30, to the time I arrived home from the gym, every single song I had listened to had “all” in the title (31 consecutive “all” songs), from Clem Snide’s “All Green” to the previously mentioned Beatles tune. Somewhere in there were three consecutive songs entitled “All My Life” by Echo & The Bunnymen, Evan Dando, and Foo Fighters. I also realized that most of the songs with “All” in the title were kind of downers. The Magnetic Fields “All My Little Words” and Spiritualized’s “All of My Thoughts” did little to get me revved up on the elliptical machine though I persevered.

Finally, I couldn’t believe how long the “All” onslaught continued…through Ben Folds “All U Can Eat” to Billy Bragg and Wilco’s “All You Fascists”, and finally The Beatles. I was a good 183-184 songs in and not quite sure when the Am’s were coming. Well, I’m not sure if they’re coming soon but I think maybe the first one will be “Am I Too Late?” by the Old 97’s. Time will tell.

Today’s Ipod Journey Highlights:
Mary Lou Lord “Aim Low”, Magnetic Fields “Acoustic Guitar”, Uncle Tupelo “Acuff-Rose”, Elvis Presley “All Shook Up”.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »

Giving Thanks for Football

Posted by evankessler on November 22, 2006

Week 12 of the NFL regular season gets off to an early start this weekend with three games on the tele. Unfortunately, one of those games won’t be so easy to tune into as Thursday night’s show down between the Denver Broncos and Kansas City Chiefs at Arrowhead Stadium will only be visible in those homes with the NFL Network or DirecTV.

Quite a shame as the tradition of Football in homes across the country is as American as Apple Pie and to exclude millions of homes from their god given (because god only cares about America) Thanksgiving right is completely despicable. Though, in all honesty, I’m not too bothered by this as I probably wouldn’t have been able to watch the Broncos -Chiefs game on Sunday because New York CBS station would have no doubt been showing another game that is of more interest in the Eastern Time Zone. That being said, the majority of Americans will be treated to at least 2 games each featuring one of Thanksgiving mainstays…The Detroit Lions and The Dallas Cowboys. My curiosity has somewhat been piqued though as to why these two teams get the honor of playing every thanksgiving seeing as the cities of Dallas and Detroit don’t really seem to have any special attachment to the Thanksgiving holiday. I guess the argument could be made that Dallas is America’s team and Plymouth cars are made in Detroit and the pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock.

The Chiefs make sense because they represent Native Americans who were present at the first thanksgiving and so rudely stripped of their land. That being said perhaps there should be an Annual Thanksgiving matchup of the Chiefs or Redskins and the Patriots. That would make a hell of a lot more sense. Cowboys are pretty American though so I could see a Cowboy-Redskin showdown every Turkey day. I say we leave the Lions out of this especially since they so regularly suck.

Anyway, let’s get to business. This past weekend was a triumph for making football picks as I finished with an astounding record of 11-5, winning all 5 games I disagreed with Bruce on and giving me the season lead in our head to head battle.

Enough bragging…it’s time to make Week 12 picks

Broncos over Chiefs (Bruce picks Chiefs)
Cowboys over Buccaneers
Dolphins over Lions (Bruce picks Lions)
Ravens over Steelers
Bengals over Browns
Rams over 49ers
Vikings over Cardinals
Jets over Texans
Saints over Falcons (Bruce picks Falcons)
Panthers over Redskins
Jaguars over Bills
Chargers over Raiders
Giants over Titans
Bears over Patriots (Bruce picks Patriots)
Colts over Eagles
Seahawks over Packers

Week 11 Results
Evan 11-5
Bruce 6-10

Evan 95-65
Bruce 94-66

Posted in Football, football picks | Leave a Comment »

No Weasing The Juice

Posted by evankessler on November 21, 2006

Well, it looks like OJ won’t be giving us all of the juicy would be details of how he “might have” killed his wife and Ron Goldman after all.

After much controversy Rupert Murdoch decided that Fox would not air the interviews with the former Heisman Trophy winner and Murderer. The book detailing Orenthal James Simpson’s “would be” exploits has also been nixed by the Publisher.

Now we’ll never know just how he would have discarded bloody gloves should he have chosen to wear them and that’s a shame because I was really looking forward to hearing about it. Que sera sera.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

Looking To Rebound

Posted by evankessler on November 19, 2006

It’s Sunday morning and you know what that means (no. You probably don’t) Time for last minute football picks in the season long rivalry of Evan vs. Bruce. One of these days I’ll have to find a picture of my pickoff nemesis so you don’t think I’m picking against an imaginary friend. In any case, I was destroyed last week as Bruce won all three games we disagreed on.

However, change is in the air and I’m making a vow to gain some ground back as I fell behind 4 games for the season. So without further ado, here goes nothing for Week 11 of the NFL Season.

Ravens over Falcons
Bills over Texans (Bruce picks Texans)
Bears over Jets
Saints over Bengals
Dolphins over Vikings (Bruce picks Vikings)
Patriots over Packers
Chiefs over Raiders
Steelers over Browns
Panthers over Rams
Eagles over Titans
Buccaneers over Redskins (Bruce picks Redskins)
Cardinals over Lions (Bruce picks Lions)
Seahawks over 49ers
Colts over Cowboys
Chargers over Broncos (Bruce picks Broncos)
Giants over Jaguars

There you have it…the picks for Week 12 getting done just under the wire. Good luck to you and your teams in both fantasy and reality.

Week 10 Results
Evan 7-9
Bruce 10-6

Evan 84-60
Bruce 88-56

Posted in football picks | Leave a Comment »

If The Gloves Don’t Fit You Must Admit

Posted by evankessler on November 17, 2006

I know this story’s been out for a couple of days now but since I’ve gone out drinking 3 out of 4 nights this week I’ve kind of missed the boat on internet commentary. That didn’t stop me from commenting at work but what kind of blogger would I be if I didn’t cover the whole OJ “If I Did It” book story and interview.

I missed the TV interview with the Juice as well so I’m pleading ignorance on the whole thing and maybe my point of view’s been covered but this is my take on it.

I can’t for the life of me understand why O.J. would’ve thought it was a good idea for an “innocent” (read “not guilty”) man to go on TV and write a book about how he would’ve murdered his wife had he not been doing something else (read “murdering his wife”) that night. It’s about as good (read “infinitely worse”) an idea as making a prank TV show in which you try to sell your infamous Ford Bronco. If O.J. has any handlers which I hope he doesn’t (I’m assuming PR people do not want to touch him with a ten foot pole) how could they let them go through with it.

It’s much too late for O.J. to be painting himself in a favorable light after the latest stunt. In hindsight the only sensible option for post-Murder O.J. other than moving to Bahrain would have been to take up a career with the W.W.E. (read former WWF) as a Wrestling bad guy and spend each night getting booed in a different arena across the great nation of ours. People might actually start remembering him as the guy who hit John Cena over the head with an illegal object instead of the guy who murdered two people, which could only be good for his reputation.

Instead he’s opened the door for an entire series of “If I Did It…” tomes by the likes of Phil Spector, Scott Peterson, Charles Manson, Saddam Hussein and Robert Blake. Oh O.J. how did you wander down such a sordid path? Where’s the guy who rushed for over 2,000 yards in a season for the Buffalo Bills? Where’s Nordberg? Where’s the guy leaping over people at the airport terminal in car rental commercials? Where’s our loveable sideline reporter? I blame myself a little bit but mostly I blame hookers and coke.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Pick 16

Posted by evankessler on November 12, 2006

Well, I’m down to the wire with my week 10 NFL Picks once again. This week we’re back to having a full slate of 16 games. I think that means all of the bye weeks are over…and thankful am I because there’s nothing better than a Sunday with a full slate of games.

That being said, let’s pick ’em.

Ravens over Titans
Colts over Bills
Falcons over Browns
Vikings over Green Bay
Jaguars over Texans
Chiefs over Dolphins
Patriots over Jets
Chargers over Bengals
Detroit over 49ers
Eagles over Redskins
Broncos over Raiders
Saints over Steelers (bruce picks steelers)
Cowboys over Cardinals
Rams over Seahawks (bruce picks seahawks)
Giants over Bears (bruce picks bears)
Panthers over Buccaneers

Week 9 Results
Evan 8-6
Bruce 7-7

Evan 77-51
Bruce 78-50

Good luck to you and your teams this sunday.

Posted in football picks | Leave a Comment »

Taking A Stand

Posted by evankessler on November 10, 2006

Tonight I’m choosing to take a stand on a very important issue. That issue is inhumane mouse glue traps. Now, I’m not necessarily against them because mice die and dying is not pleasant, especially when you die by the prolongued torturous method of beng stuck to a board and having your skin stretched everytime you move.

Actually, I am taking a stand because this evening while I was surfing the internets prior to dozing off to the good time sleepy fun land I stood up only to realize that my foot had been captured by the “issue”. One night, several months ago I had seen a little bitty mice and had not seen him since, now my foot was attached to a glue-laden surface engulfed in stickyness.

Glue Traps = Satan

At first I removed the board not thinking that my foot would be taking the properties of the board with it. I soon realized that this was an ignorant stance to take as my foot found it’s way to the carpet and the carpet found it’s way to my foot as maroon fabric was now attached to the toes on my right foot. I had to come up with a plan and quick. Plan A consisted of a fresh bar of soap and the bathtub. While Plan A was partially successful having dulled the stickyness to a point on both my hands and my feet (my hand had become sticky from removing the board as well as washing my feet), there was still too high a stickyness quotient (high s.q. for those who prefer their quotients abbrievated).

With my hands still a tad sticky I went over to my computer and cautiously typed the words “mouse trap glue dissolver”. The most promising option that came up was a post for Yahoo! Answers.com in which a curious person asked how to remove a mouse from a glue trap without hurting him. The answer: Baby oil or vegetable oil. Unlucky for me, I didn’t have any of those oils so I carefully limped over to the kitchen cabinet as to not get any glue on the carpet and grabbed a tiny bowl and a very small amount of olive oil and headed back to the bathtub.

I have to admit, I felt as though I was in some erotic Italian movie as I spread Olive Oil over my toes. Though I would have preferred a beautiful Penelope Cruz-type woman would have been on olive oil detail, this did the trick and my toes were free from the clutches of the mouse killer. I guess I learned the hard way that glue mouse traps are not only inhumane to mice, but to humans as well.

Olive Oil: Your Feet Will Thank You

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Political Prejections

Posted by evankessler on November 8, 2006

I’m watching the CNN election coverage right now and Wolf Blitzer keeps “prejecting” winners instead of projecting them. I can’t tell if he’s made up a new word that’s a combination of prediction and projecting or if he’s just mispronouncing the latter.

“I’m Prejecting No Comments on This Post”.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »