Evan Kessler Dot Com

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Archive for October, 2006


Posted by evankessler on October 30, 2006

We haven’t hit October 31st yet but the Halloween celebrations were in full swing this weekend. Having spent the earlier part of the week fretting over whether or not my planned costume would ever come to fruition, I arrived home Friday to find a mini-Evan puppet sitting on the kitchen counter all ready to go. Marty Dundics, I say kudos to you for your phenomenal showing in both the dependable roommate department and the artistic ingenuity department.

Marty hard at work on Mini-Evan

Having your own puppet is simply sensational. I highly recommend getting one. Marty doesn’t make them regularly but I’m sure you can go to his website and badger him to make one for you. Anyway, back to Friday night. I was absolutely delighted to have my own puppet and was ready to make the scene at my first halloween party as a bad ventriloquist. Unfortunately, before I headed back to Manhattan for Deb, Jess, and Londa’s Halloween Party, it started to rain and I had to put Li’l Evan Kessler in a bag. Part of me wanted to hone my act as I walked to the subway but instead i carried him very carefully making sure to not accidentally separate his head from his body. When I arrived at the party I was one of the first people there, which is pretty much my modus operandi (or for those in love with abbreviation M.O.). I was greeted by the roommates as well as several familiar faces, Anna M and Londa’s sisters. I think they were all dressed as sorority zombies or something and Jess was a golddigger.

People were immediately complimenting on my costume which I was half expecting. The other half of me thought people were going to be berating me for not really dressing up and just carrying something around as my costume. I have to admit, I can’t find fault in that reasoning.
As the evening wore on the party space got more and more crowded. It would’ve been wide open had it not been raining outside because the original plan was to push everyone out of the apartment and onto the terrace. An ill effect of the lack of personal space was that I kept having to lift puppet Evan up on high so as to not impede on people’s personal space, also it was too loud to really do a ventriloquist act. Puppet Evan was also a personal impediment because it turned from a manageable entity to a 15 inch behemoth whose dimensions I was completely not used to dealing with. At one point when I was entering the bathroom, while trying to avoid the obstacle of a skeleton inconveniently hung in the bathroom doorway, I moved puppet Evan towards the wall and knocked a small picture frame off the wall, shattering the glass on the bathroom floor. On my return from isolating the glass into a safe area, I nearly destroyed a picture in the kitchen but caught it before it went smashing to the ground. Let this be a lesson to all of the kids reading this…having your own puppet is fun, but it can also be dangerous. I spent much of later part of the party in an unpopulated area of the apartment conversing with Starling, Sarah, Maureen, and Mike B and having puppet Evan kiss people on the head. At the end of the party I was notified that I had won best costume. My prize was a 40 oz. budweiser and a halloween Pez dispenser. Unfortunately, I was too drunk to want to really want the 40, so I just took the Pez. Overall, it was an enjoyable night despite the small Puppet-astrophes. Maureen and I eventually split a cab home, though I have no idea what time that was.

Puppet Evan Cozies Up To Maureen

Rubbin’ Noses Like The Eskimoses

Having Your Own Puppet Means You Can Do This

….and this.

I woke up Saturday morning not exactly rarin’ to go for our pending Saturday night Brooklyn Halloween bash, but since it was my first party at my new apartment my anticipation was building by the minute. I cleaned my room in preparation which fortunately did not take as long as I estimated it would. I rearranged the wiring as well seeing as for the first several months that I’ve lived here I’ve had wires all over the place. It’s a wonder I didn’t trip more, not in an LSD way but it that way where you fall in your room and break your neck and one of your roommates you discovers you lying in pool of your own blood way. It was overall a pretty lazy saturday though leading up to the party. I got some Madden time in though which was valuable me time.

The first person to show up to the party was Reva followed by her friend from work, Mike. We had a pretty small crowd for awhile and then people slowly filtered in. Many of whom I did not know. The party was kind of odd though in the way that once my friends started showing up they were scattered at all ends of the apartment and I felt as though i didn’t spend that much time in the main room getting to meet other people. It’s not an awful thing, I kind of forget that that’s what hosting a party is like and I seem to remember conveniently the day after I’ve hosted a party at my abode. Nonetheless I had some quality conversations with Matt F, Marie L, Suli, Rebecca, Joe D, and others. Maureen, Laura B, Brian D, and Andrew M, made a brief appearance as a flight crew. The most creative costume has to go to Mackenzie and Dell who came as Jellyfish but their costumes were too big to keep around all night. They made a big entrance and pretty much put their costumes in Rob’s room for the rest of the night.

Reva the hamster, Marty the toga wearing guy, and Rebecca the librarian engage in costumed conversation

Mackenzie in her Jellyfish getup

Jason and Deirdre: Everyone’s Favorite Figure Skaters

In general, Mini-Evan and I got along much better than at the previous evening’s party. We didn’t knock anything off walls though we did have problems locking the bathroom with one hand, though going to the bathroom one handed was a piece of cake. There were many more compliments aimed at the puppet as well and we even did a mini routine that was very poorly executed. It was brief and went something like this.

Me: How are you doing tonight Mini-Evan?

Mini-Evan: How do you think I’m doing? You’re hand’s up my ass.


This costume was fun but I think for next halloween I have to be a character instead of myself I might be a sexy cat. The crowd would soon dwindle down to a few folks After the party emptied out a few of us went to Union Hall in costume, though I put on my jeans with
Puppet Evan still on my right hand, which proved to be a challenge. We stayed at Union Hall for a drink or two and I made small talk with a couple of strangers who inquired about Li’l Evan and we somehow ended up talking about VH1. I think Chris M and I were the last two of our group there and then we headed back to the apartment. I was completely unaware of the “Fall Back” time change but I guess that happened so I have no idea what time it actually was when we returned. Apparently I passed out with my music on full blast, my lights on and my door locked. I’m not quite sure how that happened or how I didn’t wake up sooner than 8am to turn off my lights and music. Furthermore, I never lock the door to my room…weird.

For the first half of Sunday afternoon I enjoyed watching the Giants soundly defeat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17-3 and then I headed out to Manhattan for drinks with a few folks. After drinks, I strolled through the old neighborhood to take a peak at what was being done with the ol’ apartment. So far, nothing. It’s still in the same old crap condition except it looked as though there was some work being done to the restaurant downstairs from where I used to live. The upstairs however looked as though it was probably in worse condition than it was left. I should’ve taken a picture. One of the windows was smashed in and I can’t imagine the roof has held up in my old room with about 5 months worth of rain. It was starting to collapse just before I left. Oh well, what do I care, I don’t live there anymore.

After strolling by 271 Bleecker I stopped by Grey Dog and picked up my favorite sandwich for old times sake. Oh West Village how I miss you. Brooklyn is treating me well but alas she’s not you. I’m sure I’ll grow to love her just as much but we were together for almost 5 years and you don’t just forget all of the good times. Sigh. Alright time for another week at work and a mere 5 days until I turn 28. Wow. Am I old? According to late Aaliyah, “Age ain’t nothing but a number”. Actually I don’t know if she said that but that’s what one of her albums was called. True she was 14 at the time so what did she know.

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Pre Kickoff Pickoff

Posted by evankessler on October 29, 2006

Alright, I’m hella hungover but that doesn’t mean I can’t post my football picks for this week. This week went down to the wire as I got a call from my nemesis in Pigskin Prognostication at 10:15 this morning and was barely conscious enough to decide who I favored in this week’s matchups.

Anyway, I’m not so much in the mood for writing so here you go…

Packers over Cardinals (Bruce picks Cardinals)
Bengals over Falcons (Bruce picks Falcons)
Saints over Ravens
Titans over Texans
Eagles over Jaguars
Seahawks over Chiefs
Bears over 49ers
Giants over Bucs
Chargers over Rams
Colts over Broncos (Bruce picks Broncos)
Jets over Browns
Steelers over Raiders
Panthers over Cowboys
Patriots over Vikings

Week 7 Results
Evan 5-8
Bruce 6-7

Evan 62-38
Bruce 65-35

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All Hallow’s Eve Weekend Eve

Posted by evankessler on October 27, 2006

Boo! Did I scare you? I bet you’re all spooked out from being All Hallow’s Eve Weekend Eve, A night where Evil can truly flourish. Muahahahaa. Are you scared? No, you’re probably not. You’re probably too busy preparing your costume. What are you going to be. What ever you do don’t go as “The Crow” or a “Sexy Devil”. What amazes me is that the crow came out about 12 years ago, give or take and people still thought it was cool. I’ve been saying this for awhile but last night on South Park Satan put an exclamation point on it.

Satan Says: “No Dressing As The Crow”.

The Sexy Devil or “The Girl of My Dreams”
Also off limits but sort of on limits is Steve Irwin. I know it’s kind of sick but several days ago my roommates and I were joking about going as The Crocodile Hunter but thought it was kind of wrong, and then as I watched South Park last night, they had the courage to tackle the Steve Irwin Holiday costume precisely as we had discussed it. If only I had a picture. It was priceless. Matt Stone and Trey Parker never cease to amaze me.

Yes, indeed. Halloween costumes are a hot topic…I enjoy hearing about people’s efforts to come up with the perfect costume. I’ve heard some amazing tales. I was talking to Kate W on the phone this weekend who told me that her sister had once gone as “a tree as seen from a moving vehicle”. I spoke to her sister Linnea the next day who then clarified that she actually had gone as “A Vision of the Forest from a Fast Moving Vehicle”. If that costume idea doesn’t make your Raggedy Ann and Andy costume look completely unimaginative then I don’t know what does. Alright, back to the story of halloween present. Earlier in the week I went to fabric stores in the garment district searching for foam for my halloween “disguise” which isn’t a disguise at all. It’s going to be more me than you can handle. Unfortunately, I purchased the wrong kind of foam to make my costume work. Lucky for me I have a roommate who was more than willing to assist me on my costume (read the words “assist me on” as “make”) as well as go out on a limb to help me purchase the components.

This evening, my roommate Marty, and I, focused on coloring one of the components using hair dye. Unfortunately for us, the hair dye did not work as we had planned and we will be forced to use plain ol’ paint in order to achieve the desired effect. I did however enjoy the several minutes I spent massaging hair dye into a clump of piillow stuffing. How often do you think someone massages hair dye into pillow stuffing. I think you’d be hard press to find an instance of it ever happening since the dawn of human existence. You must try it some time. On the down side, my hands smell like dye. I’d trade dye smelling hands for a unique experience anyday. Anyway, Project Halloween is well underway and we’re on the brink of another superb string of ritualistic pagan parties to celebrate giving candy to children so that they can get upset stomachs and leave us alone.

I hope everyone’s All Hallow’s Eve lives up to potential and maybe just maybe if you’re good you’ll wake up with a Sexy cat or devil in your bed the day after your party. I certainly hope to. Cheerio and I’ll see you in hell.

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Hoy Es Domingo

Posted by evankessler on October 22, 2006

It’s Sunday….Time for the Shirt of the Week!

Domingo Means Sunday En Espanol.

Not only am I making Days of the Week Shirts…but I’m making them in Spanish!

Coincidentally, I’m also making shirts in English that you can buy. Nonetheless, whether you’re American or Canadian, you should buy evankessler.com shirts.

Oh and another thing before I forget…in the true spirit of domingo here are my picks for week 7 of the NFL Season. Last week saw another move in the positive direction for EvanKessler.com versus his friendly annual nemesis. This week should continue the winning trend. ..Enjoy and good luck to all of your teams even though you should only have one team you bandwagon jumping douchebag.

Week 7 Picks
Chargers over Chiefs
Dolphins over Green Bay (Bruce picks Packers)
Jets over Lions
Steelers over Falcons
Eagles over Bucs
Patriots over Bills
Jags over Texans
Panthers over Bengals (Bruce picks Bengals)
Broncos over Browns
Cardinals over Raiders
Seahawks over Vikings
Colts over Redskins
Giants over Cowboys (Bruce picks Cowboys)

Week 6 Results
Evan 9-4
Bruce 8-5

Evan 57-30
Bruce 59-28

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Beat The Mets

Posted by evankessler on October 20, 2006

If I was ever going to use a sad face emoticon, now would be the time. Fortunately, I have no desire to ever use an emoticon instead I will just place a picture of what I look like after spending the last 3 and a half hours watching Game 7 of the NLCS, Mets vs. Cardinals, only to see Aaron Heilman give up a home run in the Top of the 9th and Carlos Beltran go down looking with bases loaded and 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th.

This Is The Face I Make When I’m Sad

And to think last night I was so optimistic after watching the Mets, in person, tie the series up at three games apiece in a thrilling Shea Stadium playoff atmosphere. I feel slightly dejected but take comfort in knowing that they would’ve most likely been swept by the Detroit Tigers in the World Series anyway and that I can finally resume my regular life of actually going to the gym after work and hanging out with people who have no interest in Baseball.

However, my Sundays are still off limits as the Football season is in full swing, though I am open for suggestions this weekend as the Giants don’t play until Monday. Alright, I think I’ve said enough but I must alert you that you have only a few days left to vote in the Sweeps Week Sweepstakes 3 posts below.

Posted in baseball, New York Mets | 1 Comment »

Questions? Comments? Picks!

Posted by evankessler on October 14, 2006

Alright, so just a quick thing I’d like to point out. For the longest time when the original Evan Kessler.com was a non-participatory entity, people would bother me telling me that I should make the website into a blog so that they could comment on my posts. They held out that it would really help the site flourish as a forum and create an EvanKessler.com community of friends.

However, As soon as I transferred it to such a format that allowed others to chime in there was precious little to be heard. I’m not bitching here, I’m merely making a call to action that readers make themselves seen or known by actually participating. I seriously doubt this will inspire people to comment and it might even hurt my readership but to be honest, I only wrote this because I want people to comment on the previous Sweeps Week Revisited post and I also wanted to write something prior to posting my football picks for the week.

Anyway, last week was an exceptional week for the Evan Kessler.com football picks after falling behind 4 games to Bruce, my friend rival. However, I came through with a 12-2 week beating bruce by one game. I’m back in the thick of things heading into week 6. So without further ado…here are my picks…

Week 6
Bengals over Bucs
Giants over Falcons (Bruce Picks Falcons)
Skins over Titans
Cowboys over Texans
Panthers over Ravens (Bruce picks Ravens)
Bills over Lions (Bruce Picks Lions)
Seahawks over Rams
Eagles over Saints
Jets over Dolphins
Steelers over Chiefs
Chargers over 49ers
Broncos over Raiders
Bears over Cardinals

Week 5 Results
Evan 12-2
Bruce 11-3

Evan 48-26
Bruce 51-23

Good luck and may all your teams win…and make your voice heard in the Sweeps Week Sweepstakes post below…

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The Sweeps Week Sweepstakes Revisited

Posted by evankessler on October 12, 2006

You may or may not recall that at the end of August Andrew Morton and I announced a contest where we were allowing you, the reader, to pick the name of our Sweeps Week Story that we were co-writing and posting on our respective websites. Well that contest was a resounding success (mostly on Andrew’s blog) We received between 10 and 12 responses, mostly our own or few people picking several titles. Two of the Titles were unquestionable favorites garnering two votes each. Other possible titles received 1 vote but most of the potential monikers received zero votes. Of the titles receiving one vote, Andrew and I chose 2 of them to compete against the two unquestionable favorites. Now, we leave it to you, dear readers, to once again make the final choice in the SWEEPS WEEK SWEEPSTAKES.

You pick from the potential titles, we write the story for your enjoyment. So in a way, you’ll be helping yourself and we’ll all be winners.

Be Thankful This Isn’t Your Prize

Alright so without further ado here are combatants in the competition:

Incident At Crossover Overpass (2 votes)

War and Peace 2: Peace and War (2 votes)

Dick Private: Private Dick (1 vote)

C.S.U.V.N.S.I (1 vote)

So there you have it…The 4 Choices for our Sweeps Week Story. Choose wisely and you shall have the pleasure of soon reading a mindblowing collaboration between myself and Mr. Andrew Morton a soon to be published author.

Remember your vote counts.

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I almost forgot

Posted by evankessler on October 10, 2006

I almost totally forgot about my other competing EvanKessler.com shop at Spreadshirt. Viva Capitalism!

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This Just In…. Paris and Nicole seen at Steakhouse

Posted by evankessler on October 9, 2006

An important news story from the folks at Yahoo News. To read, click here

At first I thought this story was about Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie being seen with food. It turns out the story’s hook was that they were seen together. The story mentions no eating.

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I Met Up With The Gamblers

Posted by evankessler on October 7, 2006

Today, I was reading a Yahoo! Sports article and saw Detroit Pitcher Kenny Rogers referred to as The Gambler. The danger in giving two people with the same name the same nicknames is that the original person with said nickname will vanish over time and only the most recent incarnations will be relevant. Let’s not forget, The Original Gambler also sings such songs as “Lady” and “Just Checked In To See What Condition My Condition Was In” as well as operates his own Rotisserie Chicken chain, whereas the latter Kenny Rogers is only a factor in rotisserie baseball leagues. Ironically, this message is brought to you by Boston Market.

The Gambler

The Pitcher

Anyway, enough about that, moving right along to this week’s football picks. Last week was a tough one here at Evan Kessler.com as your beloved webmaster went 7-7 while his opponent went 9-5 and the gap was widened in the Season long football pickoff.

So without further ado, let’s get to the Week 5 Picks:
Giants over Redskins
Jaguars over Jets (Bruce picks the Jets)
Colts over Titans
Vikings over Lions
Saints over Bucs
Rams over Packers (Bruce picks the Pack)
Patriots over Dolphins
Bears over Bills
Panthers over Browns
Cardinals over Chiefs (Bruce picks the Chiefs)
49ers over Raiders (Bruce picks the Raiders)
Eagles over Cowboys
Chargers over Steelers
Ravens over Broncos (Bruce picks the Broncos)

Week 4 Results
Evan 7-7
Bruce 9-5

Evan 36-24
Bruce 40-20

Good luck to you and your teams this Sunday. Oh yeah and LET’S GO METS!!!!

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