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Archive for September, 2006

Sweet Bye and Byes

Posted by evankessler on September 30, 2006

I know it’s not customary for there to be an EvanKessler.com post on a Saturday but I’ve neglected my football picking saga this week due to late nights at the office and find this to be an opportune to catch up.

One little note before I get to that. If you see me walking down the street and I’m wearing my Syracuse sweatshirt, What’s the point of yelling “CUSE!” at me if I don’t know you? Are we supposed to strike up a conversation in which we just talk about our experiences involving Syracuse and then go on our merry way. Or if you’re wearing a green sweater am I just supposed to yell back “Green Sweater!”? This has happened to me several times while walking down the street in the past week where someone will just yell “Cuse!” at me and continue walking. I find this to practice to be completely idiotic. So, please, no more yelling “Cuse!” at me if you spot me in any Syracuse gear.

Okay, let’s get to picking games. I have to admit I have less at stake this week since the Giants have a bye week and won’t be able to effect my mood negatively by exhibiting a lackluster defense and poor coaching. I suppose that should put me in a downright giddy mood, but it doesn’t. I do not enjoy the bye week in football. I long for the days when teams played 16 straight weekends and on through the playoffs. None of this week off bullcrap.

Now that I’ve vented, I’m ready to move on. Last week I had a positively mediocre performance. I had 7 wins and 7 losses while my opponent Bruce went 10-4. So now I’m down for the season and must fight my way back like an underdog, or like the cartoon character underdog.

Here’s how I’m going to do it:
Falcons over Cardinals
Cowboys over Titans
Colts over Jets
Dolphins of Texans (Bruce picks Texans)
Vikings over Bills (Bruce picks Bills)
Panthers over Saints (Bruce picks Saints)
Chargers over Ravens
49ers over Chiefs (Bruce picks Chiefs)
Rams over Lions (Bruce picks Lions)
Browns over Raiders
Jaguars over Redskins
Bengals over Patriots
Seahawks over Bears (Bruce picks the Bears)
Eagles over Packers

There you have it. That’s how I’m going to get back into this pickoff thing.

Here’s how things stand as of now.

Week 3 Results

Evan 7-7
Bruce 10-4

Season
Evan 29-17
Bruce 31-15

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I Wanna Dip My Balls In It!

Posted by evankessler on September 28, 2006

Finally at long last, MTV has made the 1st Season of the early 90’s sketch comedy show “The State” available on ITunes. I have been waiting for this ever since they started releasing seasons of TV shows on VHS and/or DVD. It’s taken way too long but the wait is sort of finally over. They’re only releasing the first season for now and depending on how well it does they’re going to release it to DVD.

Hopefully you’ll all download a copy so the rest of the series can be saved for prosperity. Also, after watching the first season over the past day, I’m slightly disappointed that MTV cut a couple of the scenes short and was unable to clear some of the songs that made certain sketches so memorable (i.e., “Cannonball” in the pants sketch and “sexual healing” in the Barry & Levon sketch), but after waiting so long, I can’t be nitpicky. The State is back and I couldn’t be happier.

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Getting A Leg Up

Posted by evankessler on September 21, 2006

Wow, it’s been one hell of a busy week and I’m amazed that I actually found time to get to this. With Monday night’s solo drinkathon, Tuesday Night’s Dinner with the Family and Wednesday night’s dinner with Kate W, my days have been wall to wall activity this week, not to mention work…actually let’s not mention work. Let’s mention John Mellencamp.

Does anyone remember that John Mellencamp song Get A Leg Up? The one where he’s in the video with that model who ended up being his wife? The lyrics go something like…”Get a leg up… Get a leg up boy. You know I ain’t that handsome…but you know I ain’t that shy…shy…shy. Get a leg up!” No? Well I guess it doesn’t matter if you don’t remember it but the only part that actually pertains to this post is the Getting a leg up part.

Noted American Fool and Legend John “Don’t Call Me Cougar anymore” Mellencamp got his leg up and it stayed up.

Last week in Football pickoff ’07 I went 12-4 in my weekly pickoff against my seasoned rival and close family friend Bruce. Now, I’m one game ahead of him for the season and you know what, I’m beginning to like the sweet taste of victory. So much so that I will be disappointed to the point of utter depression if I don’t pull off a 2nd consecutive victory in Week 3. However, in order to do that, we’ve gotta make picks first. Let’s get to it.

Week 3
Panthers over Buccaneers
Redskins over Texans
Dolphins over Titans
Bills over Jets (Bruce picked the Jets)
Colts over Jaguars
Lions over Packers
Steelers over Bengals (Bruce picked the Bengals)
Bears over Vikings
Ravens over Cleveland
Cardinals over Rams
Eagles over 49ers
Giants over Seahawks (Bruce picked the Seahawks)
Patriots over Broncos
Falcons over Saints

Week 2 Results
Evan 12-4
Bruce 11-5

Season so far
Evan 22-10
Bruce 21-11

Also don’t forget to check out The Balki System. This week Balki has an old friend drop by for some football adwice. And it ain’t Cosin Larry.

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Separated At Birth

Posted by evankessler on September 19, 2006

I was watching the sports this evening and it occurred to me that the following folks may have been separated at birth. Follow along below:


You may not see it right now but watch a Jacksonville Jaguars game and I promise you may just see the uncanny resemblence Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio bears to Shooter McGavin.


Maybe you can’t tell with the hat on but Mets slugger Carlos Delgado is pretty much a dead ringer for Darius “Hootie” Rucker.

In other news, I have a proposition for the New York Post. I think they should run a column every Sunday called “Saturday Night with Jeter and Wright” where they follow Derek Jeter and David Wright around New York City in a season long competition over who can get the most ladies. Even though I hate Jeter I think he would win at this point but give Wright a year or two and it’ll be close. This would be motivation for me to pick up the Sunday post without fail every weekend.

Alright, enough sports stuff, it’s late and I must sleep.

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…And That’s A Pretty Nice Haircut

Posted by evankessler on September 15, 2006

I realize that lately I’ve been neglecting to tell you every minute mundane detail in my life. The pages of EvanKessler.com have been flooded with Sweepstakes, Political Messages, Public Service announcements and football picks. However, in an effort to remedy this I am announcing that today, I, Evan Kessler, got a haircut.

After work I ran down to Hair Mates on St. Marks Place in the East Village and had my favorite trimmer of tresses lop off lots of locks. Over the past few weeks I’ve toyed with the idea of getting a drastic cut because I thought that it might work better with the beard if my hair was shorter. Veronica at Hair Mates thought we should cut at least an inch off and I let her make the call. Here is the result:

My cheeks look huge in that picture so much so that my face looks like an upside down mushroom with the nose being the stem part. Some of you might think my hair is too short. Some of you might not notice a difference. Most of you probably don’t care but it looks shorter than it actually is since there’s all this weird product in it. I think it looks good though so I suppose it doesn’t matter what you think.

Anyway, from hair results to Football pick results as we track my season long battle against family friend and old man, Bruce.

Last week being the 1st week of the Football Season Bruce and I kicked off our 14th or 15th annual NFL Pickoff. After one week Bruce and I are tied with a record of 10 wins and 6 losses.

Here go this week’s picks:

Week 2
Dolphins over Bills
Panthers over Vikings
Bengals over Browns
Bears over Lions
Colts over Texans
Saints over Packers (Bruce picks Packers)
Giants over Eagles (Bruce picks Eagles)
Ravens over Raiders
Falcons over Buccaneers
Seahawks over Cardinals
Rams over 49ers
Broncos over Chiefs
Patirots over Jets
Chargers over Titans
Redskins over Cowboys (Bruce picks Cowboys)
Jaguars over Steelers (Bruce picks Steelers)

Season Standings
Bruce 10-6
Evan 10-6

Stay tuned. It’s going to be a battle, which I hopefully win, resulting in a free dinner. Alright, I suppose I’m going to call it a night. Check back on Sunday night for the Weekend recap.

Also if you want to see who Balki Bartokomous from Perfect Strangers has in this weeks games go to my new blog The Balki System

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Blogging is Hard

Posted by evankessler on September 13, 2006

As someone with 4 blogs I know just about as much as anyone that blogging can be time consuming and difficult. There is constant pressure from the public (i.e., your friends, naked strangers in front of their computer) to constantly update with thought provoking content. People around the world have access to your wholly uninteresting thoughts and daily activities posted for the world to see as if they might actually matter.

Yes, Blogging truly is a wonder of the modern world. Everyone and their mother has a blog. I bet your mother has a blog. A blog can bring someone fame, fortune, and the American dream, all for the cost of a few hours of their time.

However, along with the rewards come the pitfalls. Perhaps, no one is reading your blog or commenting. Perhaps you have writers block and can only come up with a lame blog about blogging. Yes, for all those that aren’t in the blogosphere, let this public service announcement be a lesson to you…Blogging is hard.

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Are You Ready For Some Football?!?!?!?!

Posted by evankessler on September 7, 2006

This guy certainly is and with good reason, the NFL season kicks off Tonight with the Pittsburgh Steelers starting their title defense against the Miami Dolphins at home at Heinz Field. For the last 15 years or so I’ve been making picks against a family friend, Bruce. Each year the winner is taken out to lunch or dinner by the other, so there’s a lot at steak…er…stake. Anyway, I thought I would bring this battle to EvanKessler.com, because what’s more fun than showing everyone how incompetent I am at something I’ve been doing for so long?

So without further ado, my week 1 predictions:
Dolphins over Steelers (Bruce went with the Steelers)
Baltimore over Tampa Bay (Bruce went with Tampa Bay)
New Orleans over Cleveland
Panthers over Atlanta
Seattle over Detroit (Bruce went with Detroit)
Philadelphia over Houston
Tennessee over NY Jets
Cincinatti over K.C.
Denver over St. Louis
New England over Buffalo
Dallas over Jacksonville (Bruce went with the Jags)
Chicago over Green Bay
Arizona over 49ers (suicide pool pick)
NY Giants over Colts
Vikings over Redskins
San Diego over Raiders

So there you have it, my picks for week 1. There was no special method to my madness since there’s precious little we can tell at the outset of the season. I contemplated using the Balki Bartokomous sysem (i.e. A Panther is stronger than a Falcon, therefore the Panthers would win) but I decided against my better judgement not to employ this sort of desperation as of yet. Bruce on the other hand has never failed to pick the Jets to win any week since we’ve been doing this until this week. That’s how little faith he has in the current squad. He usually always picks the Falcons so there are some noticeable changes in his game plan. Alright, I have to go to work now. Stay tuned.

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Define Orwellian

Posted by evankessler on September 1, 2006


Either I’m hazy on the meaning of “Orwellian” or Massachusetts Governor Milt Romney is. Probably me, seeing as I’ve only read 2 Orwell books, but whatever and maybe he’s referring to one that I’m not familiar with. Romney recently said that restrictions on Stem Cell research would help prevent an “Orwellian” future. Apparently finding breakthroughs in the fight against cancer and many other diseases needs to be stopped because a future free of disease is just downright “Orwellian”. Wasn’t Orwell known for his Dystopian visions of things to come? A future where deadly diseases are curable sounds more like Utopia to me.

I wonder if Romney considers government wiretapping to be “Orwellian”. In any case…Big Brother is watching and everything is doubleplusgood.

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