Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Meat, Potatoes, and Football

Posted by evankessler on May 1, 2006

Was there ever a better weekend to be a man? Probably, but judging by Saturday’s activities you wouldn’t know it. Actually, last weekend’s outing of Gambling and Strip Clubbing may have been a better weekend to be of the male persuasion but this weekend was pretty competitive in it’s testosterone output solely on Saturday’s Schedule alone. What made Saturday so lacking in pheromone-based activity. I’ll string you along a bit before I tell you because Friday comes first.

Aaah yes, that foul temptress and beginner of weekends. How did thou treateth me? Thou treateth me with the utmost respect. The last few weeks I seemed to have my entire weekends planned out but that was not the case as Friday night approached. Uring a flurry of reply all emails between Jeni, Miller, Rich, Pat, Ahmad, and others it was decided that there would be a group gathering at Happy Ending that evening. However, I had spoken with Adam Starling earlier in the week and a possible Friday night hangout was also discussed. Prior to settling on definite Friday plans I stopped over at Jeni L’s for some BBQ action. Jeni knows how to make the beef and my stomach and taste buds thank her for it. There was also corn present as I BS’d with Jeni and Gina until Miller, Rich M, and Ahmad arrived. We polished off some beer and sat around. They passed around the hookah and we discussed an upcoming 24-hour creative project we may all collaborate on. At a certain point Rich disappeared and inexplicably reappeared with a bottle of Jameson’s Irish Whiskey just as we were to leave, thereby prolonging our stay until we all had some Whiskey. It was during my time sipping the Irish nectar that my phone rang with Starling on the other end. Rather than join Rich M, Ahmad, Gina, and Jeni and Happy Ending I changed direction and hopped a cab to 11th and A where I met up with Starling, Betsy, Noelle, Brandi, MT, and Marisa R.

While at Bar on A I caught up with some folks I hadn’t seen in awhile, namely, Marisa R, Lucy and Kelsey L, as well as other former VH1ers Brian W and Mike S. I was already three sheets to the wind when I got to the bar, but that didn’t stop me from partaking in several more beers and a shot with Marisa. I’m not immune to a good time. Soon best friend Maureen H. joined the fray and it was officially a party. The party soon took on it’s usual momentum and carried us over to Planet Rose for some Karaoke. After a bit of a wait, I finally got my chance to sing Avril Lavigne’s “Complicated” with a little help from Noelle and I think I may have done Phil Collins “Against All Odds” though I don’t quite remember.

When I woke up the next morning I barely remembered going to do karaoke but I definitely remembered drinking because I could feel it. Nonetheless it was 10:15 and I had to get a move on. There were big happenings going on, bigger than you or me. Rich B and I had tickets to the NFL draft for the 2nd time in three years and we were full of excitement. Some of you are probably thinking, “What is the NFL Draft?” and some of you are probably thinking “How could that be fun?” and let me just tell you that your questions are valid and I’ll try to answer them all at once. The NFL Draft is the point in April when all of the teams in the National Football League get to pick new players from the pool of college football talent who hath either graduated or decided that they are ready for professional football because college football is beneath them or they just simply need the money. It’s not a very exciting event. Old people call out names of the players that best fit their teams needs in an orderly fashion. There was somewhat of a shock this year when the Houston Texans passed up on Reggie Bush, one of the most touted players in years to pick North Carolina State Defensive end Mario Williams. Bush was picked second by the New Orleans Saints. Let me explain something to you about the sort of people who attend the draft. They are complete losers. I realize I throw myself in that group by saying that but I am in no way on par with the majority of fans there. Rich B and I sat in our seats in plain clothes surrounded by fans completely immersed in gear announcing their team allegiances. I am a New York Giants fan and Rich is a New England Patriots Fan but the other folks on hand took it to a completely different level of fanaticism. We were surrounded by a sea of green-clad Jets fans led by an absolute lunatic who bore an uncanny resemblance to recently relocated Former Jets coach, Herm Edwards. Rich and I referred to him as “Herm” the entire afternoon and were constantly amused by his antics. He was wearing a uniform of a player who only played with the team for a year. He backed this up by saying “once a Jet, always a Jet” though the player in question clearly was not of the same mind. Herm also made it a mission of his to establish a rapport with every Jets fan with in spitting distance. Each Jet fan that was spotted walking to his seat was immediately spotted by Herm and given high fives with Herm’s hands clad in black gloves and assured that the Jets were awesome and making the best picks of the day. Herm also started several “J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!!!” chants and after they made their selection of D’Brickashaw Ferguson led Jets fans in choruses of “BRICK! BRICK! BRICK!” despite being slightly disappointed upon the original pick. Herm took it upon himself to also round up the fans of whatever team was picking in a scam to get himself on TV as many times as possible. He would round up all of the Broncos fans if the Broncos were picking and then when the camera went on them he would jump in front of them so he could be on TV yet again. Herm was exciting to watch as he worked the crowd. Rich and I were even in the middle of a Herm moment as he leaned over us to weigh in on an argument between a Jets fan and a Chiefs fan who were exchanging pleasantries despite not looking at each other. Herm diffused the situation but as it was happening Rich and I kept exclaiming to each other, “This is awesome, we are right in the middle of this”, “This is so exciting”.

Herm wasn’t the only one at the draft worth mentioning. Most notable after him was The Triplets”. Three Dallas Cowboy fans were in full Cowboy uniforms dressed as the Emmitt Smith, Troy Aikman, and Michael Irvin. They had on the jerseys, the pants and the helmets and they were taking quite the tongue lashing for their fanaticism, the simplest and funniest of the razzing came from a guy two rows behind me who shouted “You guys are gay”. Now I don’t condone homophobia but it was one of those you had to be there moments. I could understand wearing a jersey of your favorite team but the entire outfit complete with helmets just for an event where names are being called out. I think a line has to be drawn over how psyched you can get for such an event. Rich and I surely knew where that line I but the Triplets and Jets fans did not know where that line was as they were well over it. Several other teams had their superfans on hand including a Miami Dolphin Fan wearing all Aquamarine clothes and the lamest had I’d ever seen and a Steelers fan with a cape. Another fan thing that bothers me is fans who put their own name on their teams jersey. I didn’t know the Jets had a #31 named Difede. Oh, they don’t that’s you? Great. There was also a guy in front of me wearing a Minnesota Vikings jersey that had the #69 and read “Minksnest.com”. I thought for sure this was a porn site but apparently it was just a guy’s normal website. I was kind of disappointed. There were plenty of strange things that went down at the draft besides what I have mentioned. There was an inexplicably hot girl who Rich and I had a hard time figuring out why she was there and whom she was with. My theory was that she was a high- class escort who figured that this was the place to pick up guys who need to pay for sex since there were literally four other females on hand.

At one point NBC’s sports reporter Bruce Beck came over to our section to interview the same idiotic rabid Jets fans. They got to do more chants on TV so they can brag about it to their grandchildren god forbid they ever procreate. When it got to the point where the New York Giants were to pick all of the Giants fans gathered and they got into a heated shouting chant against Jets fans that went something like this:

Giants Fans: Let’s Go Giants
Jets Fans: Suck

Jets Fans: J-E-T-S
Giants Fans: Suck! Suck! Suck!

Followed by:
Giants Fans: Get your own stadium
Jets fans: (?)

I’m glad I don’t feel the need to argue with people about how good the team I like is. Being completely retarded must be a horrible burden for some people. Anyway, after about four and a half hours at the draft the Giants traded their pick to #32 but Rich and I couldn’t stand to stay any longer. Rich had been mentioning his hunger for steak for the previous two hours and as soon as we left the Draft at Radio City we found ourselves at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse on 51st and Broadway.

A word about Steakhouses, they are the strip clubs of food. Every time one finds oneself in a steakhouse one ends up dropping a ridiculous amount of money and each successive thing ordered costs at least $20. Rich and I managed to keep this trip reasonable as neither or us had any desire to take part in alcoholic delights or appetizers. We were very focused on our aim of getting Meat and Potatoes, so we did. We both had Ribeye steaks cooked medium well with a side of Mashed potatoes. Another word about Steakhouses, delicious. There’s something to be said for making meat that melts in your mouth yet still tastes just as delicious and juicy as meat should This ribeye was perfectly seasoned with butter, pepper, parsley, and whatever the hell else they put on it over there. Each bite was complete heaven and our waitress was delightful as she brought out our sizzling choice cuts of beef on a 500- degree plate. I quizzed her as to what would happen if I touched it and she told me that they have burn cream. I decided against touching the plate. It’s funny, I was sort of against going to the steakhouse at first but the reward I was met with after taking a chance was quite tasty. I think that’s my favorite part about hanging out with Rich. Half of the time I don’t want to do whatever he suggests we do and every time I end up thinking “I’m glad we did that.” Anyway, I felt plenty full after our early bird steak dinner. I spent the rest of the evening watching the Met game and following Stattracker ™ in between naps on the couch.

I woke up Sunday feeling fully refreshed and headed out to early (12:45pm) to Brooklyn for Andrea P’s birthday celebration at Soda Bar. It was quite the crowd as we were joined by Lauren, Jesse, Jason, Kayvalyn, Miller, AhmadKishore, Rich, Lina, Morwin, John, Zerna, Morwin, Pat, and people I’m definitely leaving out. I wasn’t planning on drinking too much but about 6 beers and 5 hours later my plan was down the drain. When the afternoon drinking bout was over we all headed back to Kayvalyn and Andrea’s for The Sopranos and Sake bombs for no good reason. I don’t really know what else to say about it other than it was a phenomenal afternoon and I am exhausted as a result. I’m surprised I made it through this post without passing out on my keyboard. And with that note, Have a Happy Monday! I’ll see you Monday night. I might add draft pictures to this tomorrow, but maybe not.


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