Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Archive for December, 2005

Dinosaur Jr.

Posted by evankessler on December 30, 2005

Oh man, I had the best meal ever tonight at Dinosaur BBQ with Sean Maddison but before I get to all of the mouth watering details I want to talk about the previous evening. Yes, you heard me, last night. Not that it’s so important to catch you up on all events occurring in my life but for some reason I have this egotistical yearning for the entire world to be up to speed on the events of my day to day existence. So assuming the world is ready, I’m going to talk about Wednesday night first.

Ah Wednesday night. There was nary a chill in the air as I headed out to go meet Kristin E, Jill M, and Bill E at Boxcar lounge at around 9pm. Well, I got there around 9pm that’s not when I left to go out. I knew it would take me a while so I left at about 8:30 and made some good time over to the East Village. On my way over, I came across many tourists wandering aimlessly and pointing to street signs, looking for avenues they were nowhere near. I also came across a bunch of teenagers who were expressing their individuality near the Astor Place Cube as if they were high school stereotypes really excited about life in a McDonalds commercial. There were 5 kids piling on each other smiling and excitedly shouting at the base of the cube. I looked around for commercial cameras but couldn’t find any.

I was just about done with my first beer when Kristin, Jill, and Bill arrived at the bar. We promptly sat down and launched into entertaining conversation including Kristin and Jill’s praise for my shirts. You know for all of the praise some people pile on for my merchandise, you’d think the sales would reflect it. Not so, so come on people, how’s about some commercial love? Anyway, soon afterwards, Kristin noticed the 2 guys sitting behind us and proclaimed one of them was cute and insisted on giving Jill’s number to one of the guys. Jill met this idea with resistance and fought off the inevitable for several seconds. When we were leaving the bar after my 3rd drink Kristin handed the guy the number though I’m not really sure what happened from there on out. The guy didn’t call her last night. Next stop on the Thursday night Tour De Force was 7B. 7B was a sort of normal stop with drinking and conversation. We met the people next to us and talked a bit with them. I think they were a couple of thirty-something year old guys from San Francisco. Bill knew some people there but I don’t think I actually talked with them. Before we left, I think Kristin gave Jill’s number to one more guy.

Our third and final stop on the booze train was Doc Holliday’s. Cheap cans of Pabst are always a welcome change and Doc’s has them. Thank the lord for that. It was at this point where Jill, fed up from being the target of Kristin’s manipulation decided to misdirect her anguish towards me, not in a bad way or anything. Jill decided that she was going to give my number to someone. She told me beforehand, and I was drunk enough to not care and I don’t think I would have cared either way actually. Whatever, give my number to a cute single girl who won’t call me. What’s the big deal? Jill got up to give my number to someone and I was not paying attention to the interaction at all. Moments later Jill sat down and told me that she gave a girl my number but didn’t notice the obstacle that was her boyfriend. I guess the boyfriend got mad or said something to her, I’m not completely sure what went down but the girl came over to our table and apologized to Jill. Several minutes later I received a phone call that I did not pick up. It was the boyfriend leaving an expletive laced message on my phone. I got a good laugh out of that. As long as there was no actual physical confrontation. I am a man of peace like Pat Morita. Anyway, Bill had some friends meet us at the bar at some point and I talked to them and then the leaving part is a bit fuzzy but I had a slice of pizza and went home.

I was slightly hung over this morning. I drank plenty of water and tea and what-not to get over it. I spent most of the day going for intermittent walks and paying bills as well as reading the newspaper. It was a low-key day to prepare for an important evening, an evening in which Sean Maddison and I were to triumph over a plate of ribs at the New York City Barbecue Mecca, the little brother of Syracuse’s Dinosaur Bar-B-Que. Sean met up with me at 7:15 at the apartment and we headed straight up to West Harlem via the 1 train. Our mouths were watering upon our entry. We had been talking about this ever since Sean moved back to San Francisco and maybe even before. It was a long road back for Sean and we were going to make sure it was well worth it. We certainly were wearing our fine dining game faces. However, we would have a 45-minute to satisfy our Brachiosaurus sized hunger. No big deal, being the consummate professionals we are we just sat back and had a few drinks at the bar to bide our time. Our wait flew by and it was on to our table. Some people might have considered this the worst table but we loved. It was right next to a huge pile of wood. It barely took us any time to order. I was torn in an Natalie Imbruglia-esque manner over what sides to get. I went with the Mac & Cheese and the Iceberg lettuce with Barbecue blues dressing. Sean got his ribs with sides of soup and Syracuse Salt Potatoes. The best part about the Dinosaur, besides the ribs, is that the wait for the food isn’t too long. Before we knew it we were feasting on succulent tender ribs slathered in Wango Tango sauce. I think if I had one meal to eat before I die it would be Ribs from the Dinosaur, but I’d include mashed potatoes from the Syracuse one. I think it’s impossible to speak in hyperbole when describing the goodness that is the Dinosaur because it’s the best food ever and the most satisfying. My stomach was pleased, as were my taste buds. My mouth was bursting with smoked spicy flavor after the meal. I didn’t even want to drink my beer, as I was afraid it would drain the taste from my mouth. Sean and I didn’t stop at the Ribs though,we wanted a full meal experience. Up next…Dessert! What’s for dessert? Sean had a peanut butter pie and I had a slice of the chocolate icebox pie. I can’t communicate how good it was. Maybe that last sentence did a good job of it though. Seriously if anyone ever wants to go to dinosaur I’m in. Sean and I left after we finished our meal feeling nothing but pleased and full. All Hail Dinosaur BBQ.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »


Posted by evankessler on December 21, 2005

I know what you’re thinking, it’s 2:14am, what am I doing up? Well I don’t have any good answer to that but I know Adam Starling is up too so I don’t feel so odd. First of all I’d like to apologize to all of my friendsters for updating my blog and thus clogging your inbox with an annoying email, but I just had to because I was so excited. When I arrived home from my evening of grabbing dinner and a few drinks with my roommate Ellen, Marty Dundics instant messaged me with the suggestion of coming up with a NYC Transit Strike ’05 T-Shirt idea and that I did. I think this one has earning potential but there’s only a small window to act so I had to act immediately and start my marketing blitz on Friendster and Myspace in order to get maximum profit out of this city crippling crisis. Aaah America, land of opportunity indeed. So, I’d like to thank Marty for without his spark of opportunistic fervor and for his knowledge of photoshop, this t-shirt and many other t-shirts would not have been possible. Marty, I salute you.

I didn’t think the strike would really affect me at all, now it may possibly do so in a positive light. However, if it is not settled by Thursday I’ll have to walk to my dentist on 56th between 2nd and 3rd avenue.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

No Blood For Oil

Posted by evankessler on December 16, 2005

Wow, I’ve barely posted at all this week and with good reason. I’ve barely done anything,, literally. The weather has been freezing, so I’ve rarely had a good enough reason to step outside. I’ve enjoyed a steady stream of Internet surfing, Madden playing, cabin fever and mild depression. I even contemplated ingesting a steady stream of single malt scotch over going to the gym but that would’ve been an expensive proposition. Though it wouldn’t be as expensive as my mounting electric bill that has reached exorbitant proportions seeing as the restaurant below me was stealing electricity and I’ve been saddled with the bill. I’m contemplating starting a donations page on this website to lower my debt to Con Edison, however, I’m still work with the electric folks to make the scary problem go away. I had to wait between 8am and 3pm today (Thursday 12/14) for the Con Ed guy to come and do an appliance check, which I’m not even sure he did. Anyway, that’s how I’ve been wasting my week, though this evening I finally got out of the house as I went with my brother, Ole, Sarah, and my brother’s friend Simon to a 7:45 showing of Syriana at the Angelika Theatre. I’m not going to really talk about it but I’m just going to let you know that it’s an outstanding movie and you should all go see it. Seriously, go as soon as you can. It’s basically about how screwed up the Oil Industry and U.S. Government’s dealings in the Middle East are. It’s just a really well done film. I don’t really know what else to talk about right now otherwise since it’s been such an uneventful week. I promise the next posting will be more interesting

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

What Can Brown Do For Me?

Posted by evankessler on December 7, 2005

Well, Brown can learn how to use the damn doorbell for one thing. For the past week and a half I’ve been wearing the same brown pants that I love but everyone I know who has been given the opportunity to comment on what I’m wearing hates. I know what you’re thinking, “well why don’t you just wear other pants?” It’s not so simple. Just after thanksgiving I noticed that there was a rip in the crotch in my favorite jeans rendering them useless and my other pair of jeans has a rip in the knee, making them ineffective cold weather attire. So, about a week and a half ago I ordered 2 pairs of jeans from the gap online. I know there’s gap stores all over the city and if I needed pants I should’ve just gone to one of those or any other number of clothing stores on this great island of ours. However, my mom wouldn’t stop nagging me about the great deals available on the Gap website, also they had shorter sized jeans which were not in stores for someone with my impaired height. I sussed out the situation and decided I would order two pairs and increase my wardrobe permutations exponentially. I fully expected them to arrive in time for last weekend but my expectations were not met. I battled through my weekend in the same brown pants despite owning other rarely utilized pairs of slacks. I’m only really comfortable in Jeans or these brown pants for some reason, which is completely odd since I refused to wear anything other than sweatpants until about the 7th grade and I hated jeans for some reason. Maybe it was because I hated hearing my mom say the word “dungarees”. Imagine if you will a nagging Jewish mother’s voice saying, “Evan, why don’t you put on some dungarees.” To this day that word gives me chills.

After making through the weekend virtually pants-less, I wasn’t sure when to expect them. Also I had received the “your order has been shipped” email, late Thursday pushing the expected arrival date into the middle of this week. Imagine my surprise when I checked my UPS tracking report Monday evening to find out that the UPS guy had “tried to deliver” my package on Monday but no one was home. It also read that the time they had “tried to deliver” was 4:38PM. Where was I at 4:38pm? I was on the fucking couch watching I Heart Huckabees with my roommate Ellen. I ask you this UPS or Brown as you call yourselves. What constitutes an attempted delivery? Standing outside of an apartment and hoping the inhabitants intuitive nature will result in a successful delivery without the aide of a knock or ring on a doorbell? Seriously, I don’t know where they attempted a delivery because it certainly wasn’t my apartment. As a result I had to sit in my apartment all day Tuesday awaiting the UPS guy attempting to redeliver my package. I didn’t go to the bathroom all day until after the delivery was made at 3:45 because for fear of another faux delivery. I was afraid to walk across the street and get a drink. I had plans, big plans for today. I was going to go to the office and do some writing, but no, I was waiting for Brown. Why can’t deliveries and appointments be more precise? I have another appointment on the 15th with the Con Ed people between 7:30am and 3pm. What kind of time frame is that? I understand that there are factors that contribute to inability to follow a schedule or time frame but the ballpark time frames should be more like a little league baseball field and less like Wembley stadium. Also the UPS guy should learn how to use a doorbell. That’s all I’m saying, or maybe I should just wear more pairs of pants.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

"Yeah, I Know, He’s A Pretty Good read…"

Posted by evankessler on December 1, 2005

“…but who would want to be such an asshole?”

If you’re wondering about the meaning of the headline I’ll finish the quotation by saying, “but who would want to be…who would want to be such an asshole.” If you still don’t know what I’m referring to it’s a lyric in the Modest Mouse song “Bukowski”, and the only reason I am quoting it is because I just finished reading Bukowski’s Women. I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m still having difficulty trying to figure out when you put a title in quotes and when you italicize it. Jess Sabin helped me out once with this quandary but I don’t retain knowledge well. Perhaps this is my main argument against going back to school. Paying lots of money for failed retention of skills and knowledge has already cost my family dearly. Anyway, back to the book. After, having read The Fountainhead, reading Bukowski has been a complete 180. I went from a beautifully written complicated story of love, societal obstacles, and conflicting ideas to a story about a drunken poet in his late 50’s trying to fuck any female who likes his poetry. I’m not saying one is better than the other it really depends on your taste and each has its own merits. That being said, I don’t think either author would’ve cared as to what my opinion might be. I have to say, after about the third woman I knew pretty much where most chapters in Women were headed but it served a purpose to illustrate the repeated self-destructive behavior of the author in regards to relationships. I think it would have been a worthless exercise if there were no remorse or regret involved. If it was a guy just bragging about sex it would’ve been like reading a Penthouse Forum except with more background information on the characters, more violence, drug use, and I guess more old people. So I guess maybe the Penthouse forum thing wasn’t the best analogy. Anyway, I’m glad to be in the swing of this reading thing and that I’ve finished yet another book. I have a whole arsenal of books lined up to read. Next up is Michael Chabon’s, The Adventures of Kavalier& Clay. It’s another long one but I think I can make it through this one because I had a quick one in between long reads.

Let’s see, what else is going on in the world of Evan Kessler. Oh, I had to pay a crapload of bills today. Despite being virtually unemployed for several months I’ve managed to stay afloat monetarily. Hopefully, my uncharacteristically large credit card bill this month doesn’t lead to the sinking of my financial ship. I need to buoy my bank account (I’m not sure if that makes sense) til at least after the holidays. You can help if you want by buying gifts for your loved ones at my Evan Kessler.com store or its competition. I’m not too worried about my financial prospects but every penny helps. I think I need a better moneymaking gimmick. There’s a website where this guy threatens to kill his rabbit and cook it if he doesn’t make $20,000 by a certain date. I need a hook like that only less cruel or maybe even crueler. You’d think that clever designs would be enough. Just goes to show you how much is wrong with the world. Oh well, I could be a genius if I just put my mind to it and I could do anything if only I could get around to it. What song is that from? I don’t even know. Oh wait, I got it, Pulp “Glory Days” off of 1998’s This is Hardcore. I think I did the correct quotation, italicization in that last sentence.

Other than begging for your monetary support, which I’m not in desperate need of yet, what else can I tell you about? Hmm. Let’s see. I think I’m going to start spending more time at the office of the production company I’m working with. They turned their office into a tiki bar. I think they might have a party there. Maybe I’ll get to bring a lucky CONTEST WINNER to the party. It’s my thinking that spending more time in a work environment may actually help me get more work done instead of being repeatedly distracted at home by things like the television, Playstation 2, and the movie listings at the Angelika. I think this office time is going to start next week unless I wake up at noon and just want to hang out and read. All of my whims are subject to change. Anyway, I guess that’s it for tonight.

Actually, before I forget, I wanted to write this last night while I was talking about the commercials I hate, because it was all very negative and I wanted to include a positive note. One commercial I quite enjoy is the George Clooney narrated Budweiser commercials. It makes me want to sit down and have a beer with the former Facts of Life star. He’s got a very soothing voice and I think it might be extremely calming to have a beer with Dr. Doug Ross unless he decided to bring his pet pig, that might be a deal breaker.

Ok, I’m done and folks, let’s make this a December to remember. Seriously, take the monthly poll because nobody’s been taking them lately and it’s seriously hurting my feelings.

Posted in reading | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »