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Archive for December, 2004

Wavefarm Wednesday

Posted by evankessler on December 31, 2004

Yeah, I know it’s Thursday but I thought I’d write about yesterday since I haven’t yet and I’ve been lazy today so there’s not much to write about. Anyway, last night I went to the Slipper Room on Orchard to see Rich M’s Band Wavefarm. Rich plays the Keyboards and Ahmad Saeed is on the Bass and that’s it for the people I know in the band. The gathering at the Slipper Room was a High School reunion of sorts. Amongst the crowd were my fellow Ramapo Gryphons (worst mascot name ever) Joe D, Eric L, Dana R, Deborah S, Rebecca S, Katie E, and Amy G. I hope I didn’t leave anyone out of that but I might have. I hadn’t seen Rebecca and Katie in about a year and a half. They now live in San Francisco and were home for the holidays. It was great to see them. It felt like the old high school crew was together to some extent. It was great to see them. To be honest I wish I’d talked with the two of them more but I don’t think they’ll hold it against me. There are some people that you’ll always care for and no matter how much time passes in between meetings the feelings between you always remain just as warm. That’s how I feel about those two. Also Rebecca told me that every time she sees me I look more like Eddie Vedder. I don’t see it, but I’ll take it as a compliment seeing as she used to have a shrine to him in her bedroom.

Deb and Rebecca have teeth. I’m not sure about Joe though.

Between talking with Rebecca, Katie, Joe, and Sulaiman , I was also talking to Eric L, Amy G and her two friends in from Canada (Jo) and Australia (Alex). They were very cool and I think we’re all hanging out at some point tonight. It’s never a bad time to make new friends. Though I think I was drunk babbling the equivalent of a bad drunk dial. I’m not really sure what I was talking about but I haven’t heard any complaints as of yet.

Amy, Jo, Alex, 2 beers, A piece of paper and a camera.

Alex, Myself, Eric, and some sort of unidentified hovering object (UHO) above my head.

I think I left the bar around 2am or something but I have no idea. After I left I gorged on some pizza from the place across the street from the Slipper Room and jumped in a cab to get home. I woke up this morning somewhat slightly dazed and basically sat around til 3pm when I went to the gym. I had the intention of running some errands today but it didn’t happen. I mostly just zoned out while playing pile up on yahoo games and listened to my Itunes though I did come up with a new way to express difficulty. Instead of saying, that will be difficult, you can now say, “That’s like playing Carmen SanDiego without the Almanac.” I’m referring to the computer version, not the TV version. Or you could say, “That’s like winning Carmen Sandiego without getting the loot or the warrant,” to denote impossibility. What’s wrong with me? I don’t know. These thoughts just pop into my head and I can’t control them but I can type them out.

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Shark Movies?

Posted by evankessler on December 29, 2004


This is going to be a short one. So I was watching The Metamucil Regularity Bowl on ESPN2 tonight as Shitty Team battled Crappy Team for the “We Really Sucked This Year” Trophy, (and I’m not kidding I think both teams finished 6-5 on the season) when I saw a commercial for the dvd release of the film Open Water. Apparently this was a pretty decent movie and I don’t want to complain about the film itself, rather the way it was advertised. The voice over guy said something along the lines of “Own the movie the critics are calling the best Shark Movie since Jaws!” What?!?!?!?!?! The best shark movie since Jaws!!! I’ve got to go out and rent it. How many shark movies have there been since Jaws? I’m assuming 4 or 5 and Jaws came out in 1977. The majority of those movies were either Jaws sequels, LL Cool J vehicles (Deep Blue Sea) or animated (Shark Tale). That doesn’t say much to me about how good Open Water is supposed to be.

That to me is like saying you’ve got to see Tarantula (completely made up but may exist) because it’s the best movie about being afraid of Spiders since Arachnophobia.

For that reason, and that reason alone I will not be renting Open Water. I don’t care how good it is. You have to stand up for what you believe in and I believe in this cause. Any ad campaign this idiotic deserves to have it’s product boycotted.

That being said, I should boycott every company that has an unnecessary College Bowl game. I remember the days where bowl games used to be simple. You had your, Peach, Holiday, Liberty, Copper, Independence, Gator, Cotton, Orange, Fiesta, Sugar, and Rose Bowls. That was the way it was and we liked it. Nevermind the fact that I didn’t know the difference between the Independence and Liberty Bowl. Seems like a similar concept, I say we consolidate ’em.

Now we have all of these unnecessary games named solely after sponsors like the Insight.com Bowl, The Champs Sports Bowl, Outback Bowl, and the Continental Tire Bowl to name a few. I’m sure none of these athletes dreamed as a kid that one day they’d be in the National spotlight in the MFC Computers bowl. I mean for god sakes, my alma mater, Syracuse was in a bowl this year and our team was absolutely horrendous. It’s really getting ridiculous. I think we’re at the point where it is absolutely necessary for American Standard to sponsor the Toilet Bowl and invite the two worst teams in the Nation to play just so the governing bodies of College Football can realize how stupid all of these corporate sponsorships are getting. Also, can we please get all of the big games back to being on New Year’s eve and New Year’s day. I used to love watching Bowl games on New Years, now I have to check my local listings just to figure out when the big games are. It used to just be common knowledge. Oh yeah, and I want the Super Bowl to be in January again. That’s it. I’m done.

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A Lonely Jew On Christmas Weekend

Posted by evankessler on December 27, 2004


Since you last joined me, well, nothing has happened. Heck, I didn’t really get off the couch much since last post. Since 1:32pm on Friday I’ve seen 1 friend, taken 1 shower watched 5 movies and eaten one full order of Chicken in Garlic sauce amongst other things. It’s been a hell of a Christmas weekend, but what’s a Jewish boy to do when all the people are away doing other things.

Friday night Sarah F called me up because she was in the neighborhood and grabbed some dinner at Boxer’s on W.4th Street. There were about 8 people in the entire restaurant and the streets were pretty empty at that point. After Sarah went back uptown I went to TLA to rent 2 movies. I rented 24 Hour Party People and Donnie Darko. I watched the first of those that night and sat up til about 4am watching anything on TV. Saturday was more of the same but I was determined to get out of the house. On my way through Washington Square Park to get to the Loews theatre at 3rd and llth for the 4:45 showing of Closer and got offered drugs about 4 times as I strolled through the park.

It never ceases to amaze me how many times I get offered drugs per walk through. You’d think those guys might take Christmas off. I think the only people in the park were the 8 drug dealers and the one guy wanting to play chess.

I do have to say, the city is extremely peaceful on Christmas Day. There’s nary a soul around except those attending a movie or in Chinese restaurants, a.k.a. the Jews. It was enjoyable to walk down the sidewalk and see the city at a stand still. It changes from fast paced to slow motion. If only it wasn’t so cold outside I could probably just sit outside and enjoy it for hours on end. Anyway, so Saturday night was Donnie Darko and more couch potato TV viewing til around 4am.

Today I woke up at 1:09pm and watched the Giants lose their 8th straight game and dropped off the dvd’s at TLA, went to the gym, and rented two more dvd’s from Evergreen on Carmine. Tonight’s choices were Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind and The Girl Next Door. I can’t really explain the latter. I think it was because I had gotten 4 other relatively mature movies I sort of felt the need for something light hearted and stupid so I figured the high school flick was just the ticket. All in all my weekend of nothing was extremely relaxing but I think I’m ready for some social interaction this week. Maybe this blog wasn’t so interesting. It’s hard to write about doing absolutely nothing. Anyway, what’s everyone doing for New Year’s? I still have no plans. Something will come up.

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Heaven on 131st Street

Posted by evankessler on December 24, 2004


There is no reason to go back to Syracuse ever again. On December 1st the best thing about Syracuse officially came to New York City. I’m not talking about the Carousel Mall, Doc’s Little Gem, Diner, Faegan’s, or Cosmos. I’m talking about the one and only (actually there are 3) Dinosaur Bar-b-que. I have so many memorable rib eating experiences thanks to Dinosaur in Syracuse and ever since it opened in NYC I’ve been dying to go to see if the new branch lived up to the Central New York legend or if they just stuck their name on a building in Harlem. After yesterday, I’m glad to say the legend has been preserved in Dinosaur’s 131st St. incarnation.

Rich Burrier, Jeff Schneider, Sean Maddison, and myself left my apartment at around 7:40 last night and took the A-Train like a bullet up to 125th St. and St. Nicholas. We were supposed to be joined by Kristin Ertel but she overslept. Oh well, that’s her loss. We had to walk for a bit but when we finally came to 131st and 12th ave and open the doors to our BBQ Mecca, it was like greeting a long lost old friend. Right when we walked in we were hit with the scent of Ribs covered in sensuous slathering sauce, ready to fall off the bone for our enjoyment. The place was pretty crowded and much bigger than the one in Syracuse. The wait for our table for 4 was 45 minutes to an hour, which we didn’t mind because we had a couple of beers at the bar while we waited.

When we finally were seated around 9:15 I glanced over the menu. I didn’t really need to look since I’d seen it so many times but I had a hard time choosing between the half rack of ribs or the combo with a 1/4 rack of ribs and the Texas beef brisket. I chose the latter. I was slightly disappointed by the lack of mashed potatoes on the sides menu but my disappointment was quelled by thought of eating ribs. For my sides I picked the Syracuse Salt Potatoes and the Vegetable of the day which was peas and carrots.
A couple of minutes later the food came and I don’t really think any of us could contain our excitement. We were giddy like schoolgirls. Rich, Jeff, and I had all previously had the Dinosaur experience and I had done so much talking up of the experience to Sean that he was nearly as excited. I poured some of the wango tango dinosaur sauce on my ribs and took the first bite. I don’t know if words can express the sweet smoky spice rolling around my taste buds at the time. I guess I’ll just say that I think I may have heard a chorus of angels singing throughout the entire meal and they weren’t playing Christmas music in the background at Dinosaur.

After that first rib I had to eat the sides because I wanted to save the best for last. In fact the angels may have been singing the Vanessa Williams song of the same name to guide me in my rib eating journey. When I finally stopped to take a breath there was nothing left on my plate. No, I didn’t eat the bones. There was a bowl in the middle of the table to put them in. I think I still could’ve eaten a whole rack of ribs. They were too good to not want more. Sean, Jeff, and Rich almost ended up betting me to do it but my only reward would’ve been paying for the rack of ribs so I decided against it. The waitress then came by and offered up some dessert choices. I almost bit on the Oreo crusted chocolate pudding pie but I decided against it. Then in a rare event, and it was an event because I don’t think this has ever happened, we figured out the check and everyone had the exact amount of money that they owed. No one needed change. It was truly another sign of a mind- blowing evening. But the evening did not end just yet.

We had one more beer and a shot of chilled Patron (there’s an accent in there somewhere) Tequila, which went down surprisingly smooth. We also chatted up a waitress who didn’t seem to have many social skills. Nonetheless the night carried on and as we rode the 1 train back downtown we decided that the night must go on. Rich recommended that we extend the evening at Red Rocks West. I think we drank 2 beers there amidst a rowdy crowd and girls dancing on the bar. Not content to end things there, we moved on to Coyote Ugly which seemed dead so it was onward to Reservoir where we enjoyed one last pint.

This morning my body felt full of meat and beer. I think I may have gained 15 pounds last night. I’ll be back at Dinosaur on Monday or Tuesday. Who wants to join me?

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Parole Violation

Posted by evankessler on December 14, 2004

Before I get to my explanation of this title, I’m first going to get to explaining the index page photo of me on the couch in completely stupid looking pajamas. No, I’m not getting ready to attend clown college, though that would be a valid guess. The pajamas were the holiday gift from VH1 to its employees. Not only are they the silliest looking pajamas I’ve ever seen, but well, okay well I guess there’s not much more I can say about them other than that. Whoever made that decision needs to be fired or they need to be disciplined severely. They are completely out of touch with what would make their employees happy. and if they’re the same people responsible for last years horrific gasoline smelling bags, they definitely should be fired.

Ok, back to expounding on the title. After this past week’s fits of binge drinking I had imposed my own drinking regulations pertaining to this coming week. Stipulation number 1 was that I would not be drinking this week. Stipulation #2 was that there were no other stipulations. I was not to to drink this week and that’s the final word. Well, I’m amending the first stipulation to read, I will not be drinking this week after Monday and not again until this Friday unless something fun comes up.

Maureen H sent me an email notifying me that Deb M would be having a photo exhibition of things she shot for her photo class, so despite my original plans to do nothing I went. The photos were really great and there was also a friendly contingent at the exhibit made up of Deb’s roommates Kim Rowe and Jessica Sabin (who may be responsible for an outbreak of Typhoid, but time will tell) as well as VH1ers Dave C, Ruthie F, and Reese P. There was food and wine and I partook. Even though I’m not drunk now or anything I definitely violated the rules I had set for myself. I’ll also be going out at midnight for my new roommate Matt Wood’s birthday. I’m only going for a drink though. I don’t want to feel like death in the morning.

Oh, and here’s a photo from Saturday night before I went out to Maureen’s Holiday party.
Sometimes there’s a reason to dress up.

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Tonight, Tonight.

Posted by evankessler on December 9, 2004

Being that tonight is the big office holiday party, I decided to mention it now seeing as there is only about a 35% chance that I will have the wherewithal to recall any of it. Not that I can predict anything that will happen but I can provide you with a loose timeline of what will occur.

7PM: Arrive at the Hammerstein Ballroom

7:10 Finish with coat check

7:15 Get on line for holiday pictures

7:35 Load up on food while simultaneously taking in first Scotch & Soda.

8:15 Small talk with other producers. Run into friends from other networks.

9:30 Begin embarrassing period of dancing with drunken co workers.(3th or 4th drink)

12:15 Decide to finally walk upstairs to see what else is going on.

12:26 All of the alcohol really hits….hard! (After this point is mostly conjecture)

1:00 AM Go back down to continue to dance with co workers.

1:30 AM Realize slowly that people are drifting toward the exits (drink 9?)

2:00 AM Stumble towards the outside hopefully with jacket in hand and try to snag a courtesy car home only to be directed towards the cabs for Manhattan residents.

2:15 AM Arrive home and fall asleep in clothes.

10:AM 12/10- Wake up and realize alarm was not set. Try to figure out what the hell happened last night while simultaneously hoping that nothing overly embarrassing or job threatening happened.

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Greg Won’t Be Home No More

Posted by evankessler on December 8, 2004

Today is a historic day in the history of my apartment. Greg Kessler has moved out. That’s right. After 6 years he has finally moved on to a new apartment in Tribeca. And so it goes. The world still turns and I still had to go to work, but after work I ran to CVS to get a Menorah for the first night of Hannukah. It seems CVS had a menorah for 30 dollars but no candles so I went to the stationery store 2 doors down and grabbed a festive candelabra and some candles for my celebration. I went home and lit the candles and said my prayers. Something was different when I arrived home though. It looked like we had been robbed due to Greg’s moving. There was no art on the walls and no pots and pans. I’m still taking inventory on what we don’t have anymore but rest assured we’ll be doing some shopping for the apartment this weekend.

After the ceremony I went to meet Arby, Marie Lyons, and her friend Connie at Fez to see Rhett Miller, lead singer of the Old 97’s in a solo acoustic performance. In the past few months I think I’ve raved about Mr. Miller’s songwriting capabilities rather often. Before we got to enjoy that, we had to endure a standup comedy performance that was pretty mediocre, yet it had its bright spots.

Rhett came on after the brief set and Marie noted his feminine appearance. I had to agree. Every time I’ve seen Rhett Miller perform either with the Old 97’s or solo, he looks more and more feminine. He has long blond hair past his shoulders that swings around while he does his equally girly guitar strum. Nonetheless, he is a clever wordsmith and can write some great songs. He opened the show with “Won’t Be Home No More” off of Drag It Up which did not disappoint, followed by a song off of his solo record, which was then followed up “Friends Forever” also from Drag It up. Overall he only did 5 or 6 Old 97’s songs as well as a 4 or 5 originals including 3 written in the past week and a song that he said would be on an Old 97’s Christmas album next year. Mr. Miller even through in a cover of the Kinks “Waterloo Sunset”. Probably the most enjoyable part of the show was the in between songs banter. In a way it seems like these are the best shows to go to because a singer doesn’t have an entire band to interact with and has to make himself feel at home with the crowd. He even confided with the crowd while performing the Fight Songs outtake “Villain” that he didn’t know how a part of the song went, so the crowd gleefully covered for him when it was time. The ended with the classic “Doreen” and the crowd was greeted moments later with an encore of “Big Brown Eyes”. It was really an excellent show. That was just the early show. I wish I was aware of the late show set list.

After Rhett finished, Arby, Marie, Connie, and I went upstairs for a couple more drinks and the topic of Connie’s breasts came up for some reason. I think because her shirt kept falling down and it wasn’t really meant to be an undershirt. Marie called her Tits Macpherson, which I thought was excellent for some reason, like some sort of 20’s Gangster. Anyway, I got a good laugh out of it and immensely enjoyed the show. I really want to thank Marie Lyons for coming through with the tickets and everything else in the clutch. It wouldn’t be the first time. Marie, I owe you more than one.

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Quiet Night

Posted by evankessler on December 3, 2004

Ok, so it was kind of a quiet night tonight, just hit the gym and ate dinner. Last night however, I watched the premiere of Project Runway a new reality show on Bravo where 12 fashion designers compete for the chance to have their own line along with some other stuff. Now normally I don’t watch crap like this but it just so happens that one of my brother’s old roommates, a former inhabitant of my apartment is on the show. If you’ve watched the show it’s the guy Rob from New York. He’s seemingly the most normal guy there. I’m not really sure what that says about the show. Prior to seeing the show I thought Rob’s primary purpose in life was as to be a dude that sat at his parents house and be lazy as well to fulfill his role in my life as the object of my sarcastic ridicule every time he stepped into our apartment and started spewing out dumb statements.

Good ol’ Rob

Turns out I was wrong. I was fairly impressed with Rob’s relative normalness in relation to the other people in the show and also thought he was extremely creative and quite capable of designing interesting things though I really know nothing about designing. Furthermore, he came across as very likeable, not that I don’t like him. I like Rob a good deal, just in my experience he likes to do dumb things. He and my brother like to get drunk and get into arguments and fistfight like retards over the most miniscule thing, which usually ends up waking me up at 4 in the morning and for that I hold a grudge. I’m certainly pulling for Rob to win the whole thing and though he didn’t win the first challenge, he didn’t get kicked off either. I’m sure he’ll do pretty well. He’s a talented guy. Other than that, Heidi Klum’s flat and stiff delivery was extremely laughable. Nonetheless, I’ll probably be hooked on the show for at least a couple of weeks until Rob gets the boot which I hope doesn’t happen. Too bad it’s on the same time as South Park. I guess I’ll have to catch those on reruns.

I’ll be back with another blog entry on Sunday night but wish me luck. I’m going to the dentist on Friday, uh, I guess that’s this morning.

Oh, and another side note (I was going to use the word random in place of side but I hate that word) If you don’t own the album Mass Romantic by the New Pornographers, you should. So please go out and buy it. I’ve had it for several (6 or 7) months now thanks to recommendations from Arby and Jennifer Burland and I really can’t explain how good it is.

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12/01/04 Guerrilla Interview Subject: Rob G

Posted by evankessler on December 2, 2004


A fairly intense Rob sings Karaoke through his microphone bracelet.

I met Rob G through a mutual friend at a showing of Dumb and Dumber in 1994 and for better or for worse we’ve been friends ever since. We even survived a year stint as Sophomore year roommates at Syracuse University. Rob currently does something for Sony Music and he’s also an illustrator. Rob was not notified prior to this interview. It was my intention to catch him off guard so I conducted it via instant messager. Did I? Not really but you be the judge. Oh yeah, and I haven’t done this in a long time so my interview skills were a bit rusty but what can you do? So without further ado, I bring you another installment of The EvanKessler.com Guerrilla Interview.

EK: Say something edgy and provocative.

RG:
When I’m at a fancy restaurant, I like to order quickly and to the point. If its an app I’m looking for – I always get some Shrimp Cock

EK: So, that’s it. You just shortened the word cocktail to be edgy. I’m looking to be provoked by your edginess

RG: hmm

EK: I’m waiting.

RG: our president is an arrogant cokehead?

EK: That’s not really that edgy. Half the country hates the president.

EK:
Pretend this is an audition…dazzle me!

RG: hmm

EK: this seems to be quite a task. You are extremely unprepared. What is the furthest thing from your mind right now?

RG: bunnies

EK: good, now what about bunnies?

RG: they are pink and furry

EK: Where do you find pink bunnies?

RG: at cvs during easter time

EK: Fair enough. Magical Fantasyland would have been an acceptable answer as well

RG: sure

EK: Who is your biggest influence and why?

RG: Bono.

RG: He’s saving the world and learning to speak spanish!

EK: one number at a time

RG: yeah, and skipping over those unimportant ones, like 4,5,6,etc

EK: That’s a good answer though. I thought you were going to say Dr. Phil

RG: I fucking hate Dr. Phil

EK: Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion of television people.
RG: Can we continue this exchange in a few minutes? I have a meeting.

RG: Should be back in 15

RG: Ok?
EK: sure

(30 Minutes later)

RG: Ok!

RG: I’m here!

RG: Lets go!

EK: The world does not stop and start at your convenience

RG: Ok!

RG: but lets go

EK: Ok, you’re on.

EK: If you could sleep with 3 celebrities who would you sleep with?

RG: I have a very awesome girlfriend, so I don’t want to sleep with any one else.

RG: But if you twist my arm…

RG: Kristen Kreuk

RG: uhm…

EK: You are so whipped.

RG: F U

EK: This isn’t a faith test, just a simple question.

RG: That girl from ‘the girl next door’

RG: and 24

RG:
and Old School

RG: I dont know her name

EK: Elisha Cuthbert.

RG: Yes!

RG: Indeed!

RG:
and finally…

EK: Stop padding the content with extra lines

RG: I’m just thinking dick.

EK: Well think in your mind, not on screen.

EK: Your honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile. “Permission granted.”

RG: Beyonce.

EK: Ouch!

EK: I thought you’d go for a hetero man crush with the third one.

RG: Yeah

RG: I was thinking of throwing in Triumph the insult dog

EK: Well you can always sleep with a puppet if you so desire.Would you say my interview skills are rusty?

RG: Yeah. They stink.

EK: Fair enough. How has evankessler.com changed your life?

RG: It’s made my days brighter, my nights darker and my coffee sweeter. It’s opened me up to a whole new world of visually bland, content driven bloggery

EK: Well, I take that as a compliment. Do superheroes look out for the common good by protecting the public from murderers and thieves, or do they just go after supercriminals with funny names and extra arms?

RG: Superheroes go after all criminals. Super powered or mortal.

EK: I wholeheartedly disagree. Thank you for participating in the http://www.evankessler.com guerrilla interview where the interviewee starts suspecting early on in the conversation that they are in fact being interviewed

RG: Haha, Thanks.

EK: You knew the whole time didn’t you.

RG: Also, my real idol is Chris Farley.

RG:
The Bono thing was just a joke.

EK: Whatever.

RG: I knew after the 2nd question. I’m not so quick.

EK:
Quick enough Rob, quick enough. Thank you for your time

RG:
Thank you evankessler.com


THE END

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