Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

American Roommate Idol

Posted by evankessler on November 9, 2004

I overslept this morning. I woke up at 10:05. I looked at my clock and thought, how much longer do I have to sleep and then realized that I’m supposed to be at work at 10. Way to go Evan! I rushed to take a shower and sped off to work for a day of taking chyron information and watching movies. For those of you not aware of what chyrons are they’re the graphic of the people’s names of who you are seeing currently on screen. Good, now that that’s cleared up I don’t have to talk about it.

I had to rush out of work at 6pm because we had interviews with four potential roommates. For those not aware, my brother is moving out of our apartment which he has lived in the previous six years, so it is the duty of Sean Maddison, Sebastian Nicolas, and myself to replace him.

The first guy was Doug from New Jersey. Hew was a nice enough guy, suitably laid back. He worked for a design and printing firm just ten minutes walking distance for our apartment. He seemed a little nervous to be meeting three people who were judging him which I imagine must be daunting. We gave him the 3rd degree in our laid back manner and gave good answers, part of me still wasn’t convinced. He seemed a little too reserved but I guess I would be in that situation. However, seeing as I like to make snap judgements on people I wasn’t really sure he was a good fit. He’s not out of the running yet, just I wasn’t really sure about him. GRADE: B-

The next guy we saw was Greg who works in charity event planning. The first impression was that this guy was monstrously tall and that I hoped if he lived here he would watch his head if the ceiling fan was on. Talking to Greg and asking the standard roommate questions, I really liked the guy. He was very talkative and seemed really organized and just gave really detailed description of the stuff he did that made it very interesting. In the back of my head I thought, this guy is too tall to live here. Everyone except Sean is relatively short. We can’t have another extremely tall fellow to be making me feel more insecure about my diminutive stature. Though I got over this really quickly and the, “this guy seems like a really good guy” portion of my brain won out. GRADE B+

Onward to number three at 8pm, Matt, a filmmaker from Austin Texas who also works another job in the political field. He was immediately talkative and outgoing and gave out really good vibes. Ugh, I hate using the word vibes. I feel like a fucking hippie. “I’m totally catching your vibe, let’s go see the Grateful Dead (or new equivalent Deep Banana Blackout or something) and trip our asses off fellow poser hippie douche.” So, anyway, Sean, Sebastian, and I seemed to take a liking to him immediately and we all just talked pretty much for a half hour. We had someone else coming at 8:30pm and I was afraid with all of this talking the interviews would cut into each other but I didn’t want to be a dick and cut it off. Plus, we were all getting on so well. So far, Matt is in the lead and he started pulling away from the pack. The closer it got to 8:30 the more nervous I got and the more anxious I got trying to avoid the awkward situation of two potential roommates meeting each other. I thought it would end up like in Back to the Future 2 when Marty was in danger of coming into contact with his other self in 1955. Fortunately it never came to that and Matt got out just under the wire. GRADE: A

Part 4 of the night was much shorter than the other three. The next applicant was British. We knew this from his email and I’ve always been a fan of British persons so I was looking forward to meeting Gary who worked in fashion. That should’ve been a tip off right there that he wasn’t really fitting in with Sean, Sebastian, and I. We’re all fan of sport in some way shape or form. When this guy opened the door, we just sort of knew he would not live here. Not to be mean, but he was very quiet, very proper, and gave no hint to having any personality. Not that he didn’t have one he just wasn’t very friendly and seemed socially awkward. We showed him around the place and he didn’t say much of anything, nor did he have any questions for us and his answers to our questions were extremely abrupt, leaving lots of awkward silences. We wished him luck and showed him out the door but there was no doubt that this was not the guy for our apartment. GRADE: F

Looking for roommates is fun. We’ve got some more applicants to meet on Wednesday and then we’ll make some decisions. Unless we have to meet some people on Thursday. God dammit I hate looking for roommates.

Also at around 11:34 Kristin Ertel called me to tell me that Wilco was on Jay Leno tonight so much thanks to Kristin for that one. I have to say, the wait was torturous. I had to sit through really crappy stories about Nicolas Cage going in a shark cage with his new waitress wife and his kid in Africa. I hate that guy. I don’t know why. Maybe I hate him because he hasn’t been in a good movie since Raising Arizona. Actually, Leaving Las Vegas was okay, but it was really depressing. Then they showed footage of him in the shark cage. I could really care less, and then to have to put up with Leno’s incessant ass kissing. It was painful. However, nothing could prepare me for hearing Jennifer Tilly babble through two segments about meeting her Poker player boyfriend like she was on speed or coke or something. I don’t think Leno even got a word. I’m surprised he didn’t hit her and tell her to just shut the fuck up, that’s certainly what I felt like doing. She just went on an on uninterrupted with the worst story I’d ever heard, narrowly beating out Nicolas Cage’s previous travails. She kept going on past 12:30 and I thought Wilco was going bumped. I was about to be cheated all for the sake of two of the most wholly uninteresting things I’d ever heard. Luckily, at 12:33, Jay got back from commercial and introduced Wilco who sped through a revved up version of a normally pretty rocking song, “I’m A Wheel” which in the end wasn’t really worth it because I had to sit through those awful interviews. I felt a little better that there was some sort of reward at least for having to sit through that crap. Ok, enough’s enough. Goodnight. That’s your reward for reading through this crap.


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