Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Archive for August, 2004

To Blog or Not to Blog

Posted by evankessler on August 31, 2004

I didn’t really do anything tonight so I was questioning whether or not to write anything tonight. I’m sort of worried that blogging everyday will give me nothing to talk about assuming everyone I know reads this everyday. However, I hope that is not completely the case. I’d like to think that I’m a vast cornucopia of personality and conversation that doesn’t solely depend on my array of daily activities, although daily activities may tend to provide clues to who a person actually is, they do not encompass that whole person’s being. If daily activities defined a person’s being, I would’ve been no one today or I’d have been a professional football player (or Madden player anyway) and an associate tv producer, and that’s all you would need to know. I’d prefer to be known as a complex being of thoughts and emotion who just happened to go to work today and played madden when he got home. Wow, this post is a stretch. I hope no one’s taking this emotion crap seriously. It’s all pretty stream of consciousness and not at all meant for serious digestion. I guess if you’re taking this website too seriously you’re either a stalker or hopelessly in love with me. Honestly, I’d take either one.

On another note, you can always tell how the rest of your week is going to go by how Monday goes and today was slow. So, it looks to be another torturously mundane crawl towards the weekend, but a three-day weekend at that. There’s your light at the end of the tunnel. Get on your hands an knees and make your way towards that seemingly sunny flickering ray of hope that we call Friday night. Oh crap, it’s only Tuesday morning.

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RANT

Posted by evankessler on August 28, 2004

Blame it on Plate Tectonics

So I was reading through the yahoo news today when I came across two particular stories that I thought garnered some attention. The first article was: Major Tokyo Quake Expected Within 50 Years. First of all, I’d like to thank scientists for their pinpoint accuracy on the matter. As I read further on into the article I came upon a sentence that negated this article being the least bit newsworthy as if the title wasn’t enough. Here is that bombshell, “Japan is rattled by hundreds of quakes a year because it is situated atop four tectonic plates.” Now if you have even the slightest bit of Geological knowledge you know that Tectonic plates grind together to cause earthquakes. The knowledge that Japan is at the epicenter of these four plates isn’t exactly new as evidenced by it “hundreds of quakes a year.” So if Japan has hundreds of quakes a year, wouldn’t they have that impending fear of a large earthquake anyway? Why now is this newsworthy? The headline should have read We’ve Known For Many Years That Tokyo is in Japan and We’ve Also Known That Japan is atop 4 Tectonic Plates Which Are The Cause of Earthquakes”. This would save readers the pain of reading an entire superfluous news item.

Flying Cars: Call Me Crazy, But This Just Doesn’t Look That Comfortable

The 2nd News Item was an absolutely shocking article in which the headline read : Flying Cars Reportedly Decades Away. Whew! I was worried for a minute there I thought we’d have to go without flying cars for centuries. I’m so relieved it will only be decades. I don’t think the problem is that they lack the technology, I think they’re just trying to work out the traffic laws. Enough people have problems figuring out right of way when people are at a 4 way intersection. Imagine the difficulty if the person underneath you wants to go up and the person above you wants to go down. There are so many possible problems with flying cars. Someone could ram you from underneath and explode your gas tank. Someone could crash into your glass bubble roof and kill you on contact. Personally I hope the idea of flying cars never comes to fruition. We’d have to make all new driver’s ed “death on the road” style videos that would probably be ultimately more gruesome because not only would be people crushed in their cars in an accident but afterwards they’d probably fall hundreds of feet to their final resting spot. Now at least if you’re thrown from your vehicle you have a chance at living. Ok, I’m done. That’s my argument against flying cars, just a plain bad idea.

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EVANKESSLER.COM:

Posted by evankessler on August 26, 2004

So for the last few days I’ve been working feverishly to come up with new and interesting prospects for this website and now, with the help of Marty Dundics, I’ve realized that dream. The next step in the manifestation in the dream that is EvanKessler.com is an EvanKessler.com Store. I’m Making T-Shirts!!! Pretty soon you will be able to buy those T-shirts. Now I know what you’re thinking. “Evan, You are an arrogant asshole!!! Who would want to wear a shirt with your name and your picture all over the front.” I’m glad you asked (even though you really didn’t). You do!!! Well, actually. These shirts will not have my name all over it, just on the back. I’ve started to design my own shirts with completely nonsensical sayings as thought up by me over the past few days and over the next few days you’ll be able to purchase them. I don’t even make a profit off of them unless I raise the price or if I sell over a certain amount. Odds are I won’t reach that certain amount to make any money. I just thought it would be fun to have shirts for sale. http://www.EvanKessler .com is going to the next level.

Again, thanks to Marty Dundics for helping me achieve my dream. I promise I’ll learn photoshop so I don’t have to bother you any more. Here’s a picture Marty made of me based on a picture from last year’s Halloween party.

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The Scream and The Smog

Posted by evankessler on August 24, 2004

I arrived at work this morning and upon checking my email on yahoo, I saw a news story on the My Yahoo page that piqued my interest. It seems someone in Norway raided an Oslo Museum in the daylight and stole two paintings. One of the two paintings was Edvard Munch’s The Scream. If you’re not familiar with this painting you’ve never been in a college dormitory or most places for that matter, you may have never left your house. My first, and still my reaction is that this is sort of great news. I’m not delighted for the people who were held at gunpoint, but I’m absolutely enamored with the idea of an art heist taking place. It’s not like anyone was hurt and though I know it wasn’t carried out by people in cat burglar outfits sliding through and around laser sensors, there’s something fascinating, exciting, and movie like about this sort of operation. You can sort of get the visual with the art thieves cutting the work out of the frame and rolling it up and fleeing the scene in a getaway car. Then I picture the rich art appreciator who had planned the heist in his private room as he gazes upon his newly acquired classic work of art. I was about to give up the concept of suspension of disbelief in Art Heist movies. I wish there would be more exciting heists but this time I would appreciate if they were done in the aforementioned cat burglar fashion. Besides nobody’s going to Norway to visit any paintings. How many people do you know who’ve been to Norway to look at art.

Oh No, I’ve been stolen.

Moving right along; tonight John Vacanti and I wandered down to the Bowery Ballroom to catch “Alt. Country” supergroup Golden Smog at the Bowery Ballroom. Their last album “Weird Tales” was released in 1998 and is probably in my top 15 of all time but that’s a stretch. It is up there though. Martha Wainwright was the opener. She was okay. She had a good voice but I felt like I was at Lilith Fair. Not that that’s necessarily bad. Plenty of good artists played at Lilith Fair, there just weren’t many I’d go see.

The male to female ratio at the venue was about 85 to 3. It’s like that song Surf City “3 Girls for Every 85 guys”. Okay so it really goes 2 girls for every guy but you get my point. Anyway, Golden Smog came on about 10:15 and opened up with Until You Came Along which is one of my Golden Smog favorites (“with my friends I used to follow nearly everybody’s daughter. That’s until you came along.”) The next couple of songs bounced back in forth between songs from their two full -length albums. Random note: Gary Louris looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite. The highlight of my evening was when the band played what are probably my three favorite songs of theirs in a row, which consisted of “He’s A Dick:, “Jennifer Save Me:, and “Red Headed Stepchild”. Other favorites they ripped through were “Making Waves” and “To Call My Own”. Only about 40 percent of the songs were their own. They did a lot of covers of songs I didn’t know and some that I did. One of the oddest moments was a cover of Talking Heads “Life During Wartime” going into Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain”. Very interesting indeed. The night also included covers of bands such as Argent and The Fuggs, the latter of which closed out the show. All in all it was a kick ass show. I only wish I had a setlist so I would know what half of the songs were. I’ll see if I can find it online tomorrow. I’m going to post something on the message board on the hopes that people respond.

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VH1 7, Real Simple 0

Posted by evankessler on August 19, 2004

Last night after work I went with Adam Starling to watch the VH1 Soccer team take on Real Simple in a game of soccer at Riverside Park on 72nd st. and West End. The Vh1 team was pretty solid and could play pretty well. They spent most of the time playing offense as the Real Simple team was pretty pathetic, but they were just having fun which is admirable. Besides I don’t think they’re as pathetic as me and Adam for not actually playing but showing up to cheer the team on. We screamed such classic cheers as “SOCCER!!!” and “What the hell are you doing out there?!?!” and “Go Team!” After the game was over we headed over to an outdoor bar with members of both the VH1 team and the Real Simple team for some drinks and food. Turns out I actually knew two of the girls on the other team (Tara and Fern) from college. Small world.

I was also thinking yesterday that the summer sports would be better during the winter if we just threw the word Ice in front of every sport. For example, Ice Volleyball, Ice Swimming (or the Hypothermia Challenge), Ice Diving, Ice Boxing, and Ice Gymnastics. I’ll leave you now to imagine all of those sports on ice. Much more interesting right?

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New ABC Show

Posted by evankessler on August 10, 2004


Tonight during the first preseason NFL Game on ABC they showed an advertisement for a new show called “Desperate Housewives”. Surely this was a ploy to get male audiences interested in a series whose title resembles that of a hardcore porn flick but whose content will almost certainly be more reminiscent of something along the lines of Fried Green Tomatoes. I wonder how many episodes before the show gets cancelled. I give it 6 episodes tops.

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Borscht Belt

Posted by evankessler on August 2, 2004


I woke up at 7:45 this morning to hop a train home in order to make it up to Kutsher’s in Monticello, NY for lunch with my grandfather and my family. For those of you who don’t know, Kutsher’s was at the heart of the Catskills Borscht Belt where all of the famous old Jewish comedians honed there craft and was somewhat of a family resort probably around 40 years ago. The old folks still come here and not much has changed, literally. The décor looks straight out of the 1950’s and 1960’s and so does the upkeep. It looks like they built the place and said, ok, now we just have to watch people come and go and not really take care of anything else. If there were any activities for the old folks to do at this place I’m not sure if they were aware of it. Everyone there just seemed to be sitting. My mom tried to coax my grandfather into going to the driving range with us but having just recovered from Pacemaker surgery might just as well have asked him to play basketball.

For lunch I had something resembling what might be construed as pizza. It sort of looked like the pizza you get at summer camp when you’re really excited for pizza day and then all of the sudden the camp changes the brand of pizza they usually make.

We probably stayed around for an hour after lunch and then I went back to Rockland for dinner with my mom, Irwin, my aunt Melanie, and cousins Diana and Erika. They’re heading back home tomorrow but I’m glad I got to see them, it had been too long.

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