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Archive for July, 2004

Random Notes

Posted by evankessler on July 31, 2004

I was walking home on 7th ave between 2nd and 3rd avenues after spending the evening with Bess, Deena, Kristen, Suni and her boyfriend at Uncle Ming’s on the lower east side when a girl that looked like a cross between Avril Lavigne and someone who had just gone to a face painting booth at a carnival and asked to look like a cat (I think she had whiskers or something) asked me if I knew where Macauley Culkin’s apartment was. Why would I know where Macauley Culkin’s apartment was? Did this girl think that all people in NYC have a working knowledge of all of the stars’ apartments. I wonder if Macauley was having a party and she just got lost and couldn’t follow directions or if she was just a stalker. I hope she was a stalker. I don’t wish that much harm upon Macauley, but I think it would just make the story more interesting.

Also on my way home I walked by Tower Records and as I passed the window display I noticed the album cover for the new Lenny Kravitz album “Baptism”. The only thought in my head was, “Wow! That guy becomes more of a douche with each album.” Goodnight.

Wow, What A Douche!

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Posted by evankessler on July 28, 2004

Ellis Island: The Kessler and Paris’ family’s gateway to America

After a lovely 4-day weekend with family it’s time to head back to work tomorrow. I don’t mind though. It was pretty exhausting as alluded to in the previous entry. Today was sort of a day off from that anyway. Yesterday was a beautiful day. My aunt Melane, cousins Erika and Diana, myself, and my brother went to The Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. We found our family on the Wall of Honor or Remembrance or whatever wall it is that commemorates the immigrants whose families pay for a place on the wall. My paternal grandmother Miriam Schneck Kessler came over from Poland, as did her husband Samuel. We also saw the name of my maternal Great Grandfather Hyman Paris who came over from Russia. I’m not sure of the dates of their arrival though. We didn’t really stay that long at either the Statue of Liberty or Ellis Island but it was definitely cool to go their since I had never been and although we had swore off tourist attractions after the Empire State Building debacle, this wasn’t so bad.
Today I just sort of hung out, ran errands, burned cds and went to the gym. Afterwards Greg and I watched X-Men 2, which was a pretty entertaining. All in all I’d call this a pretty successful vacation. I didn’t really do much for myself really but I enjoyed the things I did. The best part is that I get to go back for only a 3-day work week. It’s going to get hectic soon but now I’m sort of ready. The final blowing off of steam takes place tomorrow night as the I Love The 90’s Wrap Party takes place. There’ll be 3 hours of open bar, karaoke, food, folks and fun. I’m pretty sure that I won’t be able to remember my own name by 11pm. That’s not necessarily a lofty goal but that’s just the way these parties always end up.

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The State of The Empire State Building

Posted by evankessler on July 26, 2004

It’s been quite the exhausting past two days. Friday night was spent at Justin Begnaud’s apartment. It was pouring rain outside when I left my apartment and it took a couple of minutes to get a cab and by the time I got to Justin’s it my pants below my knee were soaked. I didn’t know that many people at his place other than Stacey Angeles, Saimon, Kos, Sierra Lindsey, Gerard (a former VH1 editor, and Justin’s roommate Jeff. Mostly everyone else was a history channel employee because that’s where Justin works. One of Justin’s friends was a producer for NFL Films (dream job) and his father is the Offensive Coordinator for the Chiefs, which was very cool, and since I love talking about football he fit my football talking need for the night.

Saturday was very exciting. My family from California came in to the city. My aunt Melanie brought my two cousins, Erika (18) and Diana (14). Melanie grew up in Brooklyn but hasn’t really been to the city in 15 years and I hadn’t seen my cousins for about 2 years. I feel really guilty. I am awful about keeping in touch with my family. I was really glad to see them though. Saturday night we went out to dinner near my apartment and afterward decided to go to the Empire State Building. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME!!! I was really excited to do touristy things with my family because I’ve completely taken every tourist attraction for granted in my 25 years of living in the New York Area. We went at around 10:15 pm and waited on a long ticket line for about 15 minutes. After the 15 minute ticket line was about a 45 minute elevator line. Following that, you take the elevator to the 80th floor.

The observation deck is on the 86 floor, so there is another line that would take god knows how long to go to the elevator that takes you to the observation deck. We were on that for about 20 minutes when they decided to open up the stairs to walk up six flights. When we finally got to the top floor it was very close to midnight. We walked around a bit but the area was so cramped that you couldn’t really get to any of the good views. It was a lost cause and neither my cousins nor my aunt were very into being there. They even decided to cross off the statue of liberty from their to-do list for the next couple of days.

Today we just walked around the east village. I ran into my friends since high school Cara Takakjian, Joe Dworkin, Jaime Weisfelner and had an awesome dinner with my brother, my aunt and my cousins at Katz’s Delicatessen on Houston and then sort of walked through Soho. All in all it’s been fun showing my family around. It’s not something that I do very often so it’s a really nice change of pace. In fact, I’m not going to work on Monday and Tuesday so I can continue this family experience. I’ll also take this time to figure out my next GUERRILLA INTERVIEW. Be on the lookout.

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Clem Snide at Prospect Park

Posted by evankessler on July 23, 2004

I was a zombie all day today thanks to last night’s hijinx. After work I had the option of going to a work birthday party for Vicky Ruggiero or going to the Clem Snide show in Prospect Park. I hate to miss a work party (not sarcastic) but I didn’t really want to so much as look at an alcoholic beverage so I chose going to Prospect Park for Clem Snide where we met up with Maureen’s friend Laura, who I guess is my friend now as well. I guess I’ve gone to enough shows and hung out with her enough at parties, and enjoyed conversation with her so we’re qualified as such. Clem Snide was opening for Pere Ubu who was playing music over a classic horror movie, which sounded cool but we didn’t stay for that. I think Clem Snide only played for 45 minutes or so. It was a good performance though. They were missing one of their guitarists and replaced him with a horn section and a keyboardist. I think the keyboardist is the same girl who I’ve seen play with Ben Lee and Luna. I think she gets around the New York Indie scene.

Afterwards, the show we met up with Maureen and Laura’s friend Andrew at the Park Slope Ale House and got dinner, and that’s about all there is to it. It was a relaxing night with fun people which was much needed after the previous evening’s frantic bar hopping. Time to go to sleep. I’m exhausted.

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Old IM Conversation

Posted by evankessler on July 21, 2004

Today at work I was browsing through some of my old documents that I had saved in my personal folder. I came across some friend’s resumes, and some old IM conversations. Occasionally I save IM conversations that make me laugh. This saving of IM conversations was sort of the precursor to the Guerrilla interview, where the conversations were just odd or amusing enough that I saved them just in case I ever had a forum to display them. Well, now I do, it’s called a website, so I’m posting an old conversation.

Here’s a little background on the following interaction. This is a conversation I had with my good friend from SU, Terra Harper. Terra and I were in several TRF classes together at SU and one of my favorite nights of college was at her house on the night of the COW-TV “Best Years…” cast party. I drank single malt scotch for the first time, we played drinking games, as well as spin the bottle, and I ended up leaving at around 6am after realizing that four of us were left and we had been watching the Adventures of Milo and Otis for about an hour without saying a word. Terra lives in LA now, and I haven’t seen her since graduation but we’re still in touch. Isn’t that heartwarming?

Here’s a picture I found of Terra and I from the aforementioned party.
I didn’t haveit in digital form so I had to take a picture of it and as a result it don’t
look sogood, and by that I mean it’s grainy as all hell. I think if you stand back

far from the computer it looks better.

But I digress. This conversation took place on January 23, 2004, the day that both, Bob Keeshan (Captain Kangaroo) died and Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez broke up. It was one of the more historic days in recent memory. So without further ado, here’s an old IM conversation between Terra Harper and myself. I hope you enjoy. If not, at least I think it’s funny.

Evan Kessler: Captain Kangaroo died

Terra Harper:


It’s a sad day for America, and children everywhere.

How are you holding up?

Not too well. Not too well

Poor Kangaroo is overshadowed by the demise of Bennifer

We should do something to honor his memory

We should all wear silly looking read suits

or red suits

Yes. All of us.

Who’s all of us?

All of us meaning everyone in America.

We could get all of the old ladies to sew them for us, just like they do in the movie Three Amigos.


That’s awesome.

Great imagery.

Even Jen and Ben would have to wear one

But if I try to sew anything, there will be blood

That’s why all of the old ladies will do it

What qualifies as old?


Or we can just get the people of Santa Poco, the one thing they do really well is sew.

Great. You get on that.

I’ll take care of advertising…

Why do you get to take care of the advertising?

I’m the idea man.

I’m thinking Australia…we open with a long shot across the outback and then we see a heard of kangaroos fast approaching…and as the get closer the slowly transform into people all wearing kangaroo suits

Wow, you just blew my fucking mind.

AND THEN everyone falls down dead. And a slogan flashes: Be captain of your own journey. Remember the man. Remember Captain Kangaroo.”

I know.

TH: Who’s the idea person now?

EK: Getting off the topic for a second, if you ever wonder whether or not the FBI is watching your IM conversation, their agents screen name is FBIDUDE82

TH: Really?

TH: You’re lying.

TH: How would you know that?

EK: A little inside info, they’re not online now, they’re on my buddy list.

TH: Have you ever seen “them” on?

TH: Wait, I’ll be back.

EK: The Patriot Act is very constitutional 😉 (That’s supposed to be a wink)


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Posted by evankessler on July 20, 2004

After further listening, I feel as though I may have misinterpreted that Leona Naess song I wrote about last night. I’m not totally sure but I listened to it again. Anyway, this just goes to show you the danger of misinterpreting a song to your own situation or liking. I guess I should’ve learned my lesson the time I listened to Limp Bizkit’s “Break Stuff” and ended up killing the four people I was in the room with.

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Posted by evankessler on July 20, 2004

It’s Monday Night. Rest was the order of the evening. Arby IM’d me at work at around 6:30 to try and get me to go out. Neither of us had any idea what we were going to do and he ended up asking me to convince him that we should go out. It was sort of backwards and I was sort of confused and not very motivated. I could’ve used a burger and he wanted to go to HiFi for his friend Bruce’s Monday party. We decided not to compromise and I went home. I think he ended up going to HiFi but I wasn’t really in the mood. I didn’t get much sleep on Sunday night for no apparent reason so I was a little tired. Not tired enough to avoid the gym however.

I sort of equate gym time with driving time. It’s just you and music, except when you’re driving your legs don’t have to move really fast at a consistent pace, but it’s the same in that you have that time where it’s seemingly just you and your thoughts. Now that I have these new Ipod headphones that do a kick ass job blocking out everything around me it truly does feel like me, music, and my thoughts. That’s sort of a for better or worse issue. Yes, I do enjoy my favorite music blasting at unhealthy levels into my ears, but I also have my thoughts blasting in my brain at the same volume. While I appear on the outside to be calm, composed, and often times stoned even though I’m not, this is when my neuroses sort of hit me. All the what ifs? How can that be’s? and If I had only just’s of the past few days to months sort of bombard me in my surround sound solitude.

It can go either way, though. Some days I revel in how glorious the day has been and how funny something was that happened at work. Or some times I just think about how great a song I’m listening to is and where it would go on a mix and what songs would surround it. Wow, I just realized how stupid this post was. The basic gist of it was, when I go to the gym I think of stuff as I’m running or something. Bravo me. I should get a medal for thinking. Do they give a prize for having everyday thoughts? If so, I could totally snag that one.

Anyway, as I was listening to my Ipod today at work two songs in particular struck me. The first one was The Streets “Don’t Mug Yourself”This track brings me back to Mid March which I think can be best summed up in Rich Burrier’s motto: “I’m just a dude at a bar, drinking” to which I respond “ok, but when am I not just a dude at a bar drinking”. Generally I find it offensive to think a song is about your exact situation though I have no trouble doing it myself but then again that’s sort of the main reason people like a certain song other than its poetry. As Idlewild says in their song “American English”:

Songs when they’re true are all dedicated to you,
and this invisible world i choose to live in.
And if you believe that then now i understand
why words mean so much to you:
’cause they’ll never be about you.

The second song was “Home” by Leona Naess which sort of just described the feeling of finding someone you like and liking the way they make you feel or at least that’s how I interpreted it. To be honest, just listening to this song was relaxing. If it was physically possible to feel like a song, its one that I would want to feel like. Hopefully I’m not completely misinterpreting it. The other day my friend was singing “Brick” by Ben Folds Five as if it were a cheery ditty and I felt it necessary to rain on her parade and tell her that that song was actually about abortion. Maybe that’s mean of me but I just find it completely unnecessary for people to be unknowingly cheerily humming about abortion. Call me a party pooper if you please.

Other good examples of songs I’d like to feel like are “Kate” by Ben Folds Five, “Say Yes” by Elliott Smith “She’s A Jar” by Wilco (minus the domestic violence) and “Remember The Mountain Bed” by Wilco. Okay, I think that’s enough.

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7/19/04 Guerrilla Interview Subject: Mike H

Posted by evankessler on July 20, 2004

Mike gives a half ass Macauley Culkin impression.

So here’s the skinny on Mike H. He’s an Associate Producer on VH1’s I Love The 90’s. He’s 24 years old and he’s a former College Basketball player who led his conference in scoring until he blew his knee out. Ok, so I made that last bit up. Mike is currently growing a mustache for no apparent reason other than he thinks its funny and depending on who you talk to, to guarantee that he doesn’t get laid. Other than that he’s a swell guy. Just a little fair warning on this interview, some of the material may not be suitable for the fragile mind. I have to admit though, it is not one of my best interviews, not because of the interviewee. I sort of started the interview then realized I wasn’t in the mood to do an interview but then sort of kept at it. And I never got to ask the pivotal questions of how evankessler.com had changed the subject’s life. Oh well, que ser sera. So without further ado, the evankessler.com interview of Mike Haigh.

Evan Kessler: Penny for your thoughts?

Mike H: babies taste delicious

EK: So when did you first discover your cannibalistic tendencies?

MH: when i used to suck my thumb as a baby, the taste never really left my mouth, even as i grew older..

MH: mmm baby

EK: I could see how that’s possible. I still pick my nose and eat it, but never really developed the taste for the nasal waste of others

MH: yeah, everybody loves the taste of their own brand, but there’s just something about a baby that isn’t related.

EK: Where do you hunt your prey?

on weekends i’m a NY certified daycare worker. It’s really much easier than you’d expect. I also lived in NJ for a while and was a foster parent, they have a very lax foster parenting department.

EK: Is there always room for Jell-O?

MH: don’t you know it! unless you do your shopping with one of those carry around baskets, and the jello is the last thing you go for, and you’ve already picked up a lot of stuff. Then there isn’t usually enough room for Jello-O.

MH: boxes are bulky

EK: Wouldn’t that contradict the slogan though?

MH: ah, i see you’re thinking outside the box. way to go. Don’t be fooled by Madison Avenue

EK: I just spilled water on my pants how do you think that will effect me in the coming minutes?

MH: you may feel damp and uncomfortable for a short period of time. But will pass, and you’ll be back to being your dry and uncomfortable self

MH: but that’s why i tolerate you. you’re dry like the sahara

EK: I’m sort of hoping I don’t get ridiculed for urinating on myself. I heard you still wet the bed constantly, is this true?

MH: Ah, i see you’ve been talking to Stacey. Don’t ever trust stacey with secrets that might ruin your street cred.

MH: let’s just say i really like the feel of rubber sheets

EK: Stacey who?

MH: a girl i know

MH: you’ve probably met her.

EK: oh, i thought you were referring to #81 Stacey Robinson former Wide Receiver for the New York Giants

MH: i don’t follow soccer. sorry.

EK: What’s your favorite Air Supply song?

MH: i don’t believe in Air Supply. Actually i can’t think of any their songs right now

EK: They’re the same as Chicago, What’s your favorite Chicago song?

MH: the one about the hotel in california that the Eagles sing

EK: This interview is falling flat, pretend you’re jesus and resurrect it.

i’m drinking Crunk right now. it’s really good. and i don’t use the word really often

EK: I’m sensing this is a fraudulent interview

(It was at this point that I thought Mike was having someone else answer my questions, but I was soon proven wrong and rescinded the accusation).

MH: i can turn the vowels “a” and “i” into wine and bread. You bring the cheese and we’ll have a Viva la France party

EK: strike that last remark

MH: http://www.evankessler.com is the premier blogspot on the internet. and you can take that to the bank!

EK: You’ve got that right.

MH: i spelled premiere wrong though didn’t I

EK: Back to the word crunk, what other words should be used more often?

EK: My vote is for Bangladesh

MH: mustache, inebriated, mozzarepa, zing, buffoon, baboon, and the spanish word for pencil sharpener – sacapunta

EK: If we could sort of work that into a verb

EK: Okay, here’s a fun game, I’m going to say something in spanish, you give me your first response, ready?


EK: Estoy Sorprendido!

MH: I am a serpent!

EK: You could be

EK: I can’t see you

MH: if I tried hard enough

EK: I’m bored

MH: dance a jig

MH: I always find that makes me less bored

EK: I think I’m just going to pour the rest of the water on my pants and call it a day

MH: or if we were in the world of nintendo dancing a jig would make you wa-bored

MH: sounds like a plan

MH: just like wario is the opposite of mario, wa-bored is the opposite of bored

EK: Thank you for participating in the http://www.evankessler.com where the unsuspecting start suspecting early on that they are in fact being interviewed

i love you

EK: I’m not so crazy about you but I’ll return the sentiment anyway

EK: I Love You more!!!

i’m blushing and my pants just got really tight

EK: Good day sir.

MH: good day to you

EK: That was so-so. I may or may not use it.

MH: you better. it was gold


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Posted by evankessler on July 19, 2004

The #1 Most Outrageous South Park Episode: Scott Tenorman Must Die

Last night’s post was incorrect. I thought they had already counted down to the #1 most outrageous South Park. Turns out I was wrong. I just finished watching #1 and they hit the nail on the head, to speak in clichéd terms. The winner was the episode where Radiohead guest starred. If you haven’t seen this, I don’t want to spoil it for you so just keep watching Comedy Central until you see it again or wait til that season comes out on DVD. Though other candidates I was hoping to see at #1 the “Seapeople” episode and the Stem Cell research where Cartman tries to unload the shipment of fetuses.

As for my activities of the day, It was a pretty chill Sunday, I went to see Anchorman with Jess Smith. I’m not really sure how much I liked it. I didn’t hate it. It was a funny movie but I think I was expecting more. It’s probably one of those movies that you’ll think is much funnier if you see it again. If I were to give a review I’d say 2 and a half stars. The rest of the day I went to the gym, ate Lasagna for dinner as prepared by Sean Maddison, and watched the Big Lebowski and South Park. It was almost the perfect lazy Sunday with the exception of the going to the gym part.

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Posted by evankessler on July 18, 2004

So before I get to this past day, I guess I’ll do a little recap of Friday, even though I don’t really remember much of it. Erica Bryndza and Rob Degrezia held a joint birthday party at Abaya on E. Houston St. It was an excellent work gathering and I think all I can say about it is I think most of us spent a lot of money and got really drunk on $6 beer and drinks that were definitely more expensive. It was cool to see former VH1er David Heyward out. I haven’t seen him in awhile. I think we started the whole rubber band fight craze when we were both seated in the pit. Good times. We partied until 3 something in the AM and then a couple of us got some Ray’s pizza.

This morning (afternoon) I woke up at around 12:05pm and after talking with Bess Sobota decided to head down to the Siren Festival on Coney Island at around 2:30. Beforehand I got in some quality roof time though.

The train ride with Bess and her sister took about an hour and as soon as we got there at 3:30 we headed straight to Nathan’s for some hot dogs. For those who don’t know, the original Nathan’s was in Coney Island so if you’re in Coney Island you have to go to Nathan’s. I partook not once, but twice.

The Siren Festival is a yearly concert put on by the Village Voice featuring a bunch of bands on 2 stages from 12-9. Since, I didn’t know most of the bands who were playing I didn’t have any bands I planned on seeing, I just planned on watching a couple of them. So I caught some of TV On The Radio, Electric Six, and Mission of Burma. Most of the day was just spent hanging out with friends in the beautiful weather. I feel like a large portion of the people I know in NY were on Coney Island for the show. I ran into, Rob Goodman, Marty Dundics, Reva Goldberg, Samantha Hahn, Sean Maddison, Liz Allen, Rachel Myers, Liz Schroeter, Nicole Johnson, Rich Mai, Joe Dworkin, Greg Altman, Marissa Brotspies, Jaime Greenberg, Laura Renga and my friend Marisa’s who’s last name escapes me at the moment.

I spent most of the day split between hanging with Bess, and with Joe and Rich. The concert was an good as last year because I didn’t really care about who was playing. I left around 8:15 and got back around 9:30pm.

When I got home I turned on comedy central and behold, they were showing the 25 most outrageous episodes of South Park ever. I was set for the night. The first one I saw was of my favorite episodes ever, the classic Jennifer Lopez episode where Cartman makes a Jennifer Lopez hand puppet. That was my costume for Halloween last year. The #3 most outrageous should have been #1 though, it was the Lemmiwinks episode where Mr. Garrison tries to get fired for being gay and the kids get sent to Tolerance camp. I think that has to be the best episode ever and it may be the most wrong thing ever shown on television. Instead #’s 1 and 2 were the Who is Cartman’s dad two parter which I don’t find to be nearly as outrageous but I don’t get to make the call on that.

I’m so glad for the South Park marathon though. It’s the perfect non-productive weekend evening. Yes folks, just because it’s a weekend evening doesn’t mean you have to drink. There’s plenty of other days during the week to do that.

OK, Now they’re showing the South Park Movie uncensored. I may be up to 3:30am just watching South Park and I’m perfectly okay with that.

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