Evan Kessler Dot Com

The Home of the Brave

Teen & A

Posted by evankessler on June 15, 2004

The headline of Today’s New York Post ran a story on the front page about how parent’s are getting their daughter’s breast implants as graduation gifts. Some people might argue that this is not front page news. I disagree. I think this is very important news. The headline read “Cup & Gown: Breast jobs new grad fad for girls”. Here’s how I think it should have read: “The Entire World Has Officially Gone Fucking Insane: Father Buys 18 yr old Daughter breast implants so she can attract more attention from the opposite sex and get laid more.” I don’t really know where I’m going with this other than, what happened to just getting your kid their 1st car. Or did she already have that. And what parent in their right mind is going to let their kid appear on the front page of the New York Post talking about how their parents let them get breast implants and mention them by name!!! Wow!!! $6,750 for a boob job for the girl who already has everything, well except for a C cup. Sorry, that article just blew my mind, so I had to mention it. I feel sorry for the parents for being so stupid and so much at the mercy of their teenage daughter. I wonder if that kid ever heard the word no in her life. I could expound on this topic and I’m sure it would be welcome but I think we all know how ludicrous this is.

Other than that front page calamity, not much of note really happened today other than I realized that I sing too much. I sing everywhere; In the shower; in the halls at work, probably in the subway, as I walk down the street. Not that I’ve never realized this before, but I always sort of wondered if it was annoying to anyone. I’ve never really been told it was, in fact I once had a former roommate tell me that he missed me injecting his name into whatever song I was singing as I walked through the apartment, but I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic. Some mornings I’ll be in the shower and halfway through the Old 97’s Too Far To Care Album in my head and I won’t realize I’m singing it. I think I’m being quiet because my roommate is sleeping in the next room but halfway through my shower I realize for the last 15 seconds I’ve been belting out Barrier Reef or Pulp’s “Bad Cover Version” and then I sort of try to muffle myself and think, I hope I didn’t wake anyone up.

Other times I’ll be walking down the street with my Ipod and just listening to a song that’s so good that you just can’t help but sing along. For instance when I was walking to the gym and Aimee Mann’s “4th of July” came on (aah the wonderful randomness of the Ipod) and I realized I was blurting out “Today’s the 4th of July. Another June has gone by…” Then I saw someone walking close to me and got slightly embarrassed because I had no idea how out of tune I may have been. I also came to the conclusion that that song is probably one of my favorites of all time. However, that notion occurs to me with about 15 different songs a day. Maybe I should make a list page of favorite songs, movies and what not. Not that anyone should really care what I like. I don’t really care that much about anyone else likes and it would be kind of self serving. Okay, I’m sold. I’ll do it.

Anyway, lucky for me I’m going to see Aimee Mann at St. Anne’s Warehouse next week. I’m really excited. I seem like a giddy schoolboy or something but I sort of get that way when I see one of my favorite artists who I’ve never seen before. Can you imagine me being giddy? Imagine me normally, all pseudo-stoned like. Keep that mental picture. That’s what I look like when I’m giddy. Maybe I’ll write a review for it the next day, but I’ll probably be too lazy. Even though you don’t care I’m going to paste the lyrics of this wonderful song for no apparent reason. It’s just one of those songs you listen to and think, how could anyone be this talented. And then you come to the depressing conclusion that you’ll never be that talented. Not that I’m a songwriter or anything. , Read it and see for yourself but you’d probably get it more if you heard it so go to http://www.aimeemann.com/

“Today’s the fourth of July
another June has gone by
and when they light up our town
I just think
what a waste of gunpowder and sky

I’m certain that I am alone

in harbouring thoughts of our home

it’s one of my faults that I can’t quell my past

I ought to have gotten it gone

Oh, baby, I wonder –
if when you are older –


you’ll wake up
and say,
‘My God, I should have told her –

what would it take?

But now here I am and the world’s gotten colder

and she’s got the river down which I sold her.

So that’s today’s memory lane
with all the pathos and pain

another chapter in a book where the chapters are endless

and they’re always the same

a verse, then a verse, and refrain

Oh, baby, I wonder –
if when you are older –

you’ll wake up

and say, ‘My God, I should have told her
what would it take?
But now here I am and the world’s gotten colder

and she’s got the river down which I sold her.”


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