With yesterday’s sudden passing of world Pop icon Michael Jackson (a.k.a The King of Pop), there was much speculation as to how the classy semi-informational sensationalistic news rag otherwise known as the New York Post would handle the subsequent headline covering the story. Would they have an attack of tastefulness and write something like “Death of An Icon: Michael Jackson 1958-2009″ or would they simply rehash the old favorite, “Wacko Jacko on His Backo”? Personally, I was thinking they’d go somewhere along the lines of “King of Pop, Snaps Then Crackles” or “Wacko Jacko Moonwalks To Heaven.” However, when I first walked by a newstand late this morning I was somewhat shocked to see what they had come up with. It seems the headline geniuses at the New York Post found a way to skirt the line between classy and tabloid without hitting either mark with the following:
I stood at the bold fonted “DEAD” staring me in the face and thought, “Really? That’s all you’ve got?” This is not the New York Post I’ve grown to have moderate affection for on a day to day basis, based solely on what terrific pun they’ve come up with on any given Monday through Sunday. This cover neither wore a tuxedo or lived in a trailer park…it just sort of looked as though it had witnessed a car accident. Though, I guess in some way shape or form that’s what a lot of America was feeling at the time they heard of Michael Jackson’s death. So, I guess it perfectly encapsulated the “holy shit” nature of it all.
That being said, I would’ve loved to have been privy to that meeting where whoever engages in the headline discussion tossed out their top picks for the front page, I’m sure there must’ve been some gems left on the cutting room floor. If only we knew what they were.
Every once in awhile amidst of a sea of opposing religious beliefs and practices, we are convinced that one true force rules the universe, a force known as karma. It seems that when Bret Michaels began his run on Rock of Love nearly two years ago and began subsequently leveling the hopes and dreams of trashy women who fantasized about having an over-the-hill rocker boyfriend with a wig attached to a bandana for hair, he may have tossed that karma boomerang into the air.
Last night that projectile came humming back in Mr. Michaels general direction while the spotlight was on him and his blond weave. The inexplicable Tony invitee was, for some reason, performing his 80′s smash hit “Nothing’ But A Good Time” with his bandmates in Poison when the hurt and pain of 1000 Rodeos, Ambres, and Daisies of love came smashing down on the hair band has been in the form of a stage set piece. It was, in a word, magical. While we hope Mr. Michaels is okay so that he may resume telling us how his “awesome” harem of self-loathing girls with daddy issues make him so “turned on” on Rock of Love next season, we hope he’s learned that lady karma can be much more of a total bitch than that total bitch Lacey.
I couldn’t sleep last night so in order to curtail my own restlessness I decided it would be a good idea to google myself. Somewhere between the 19th and 22nd pages of the search results I came upon an IMDB page for myself. Now, I know I spent a good deal of time toiling away in TV Production, but I never took it upon myself to create an IMDB page. Sure, I’ve created several other self-promotional pages (this one being the most obvious), but I never once felt compelled to see myself listed alongside the likes of Martin Scorcese and Steve Guttenberg, unless of course there was to one day be a film based on my life. Then I’d gladly have Guttenberg portraying me while Scorcese directed.
So imagine my surprise when I clicked on it and found details about my involvement in the production world. Sure they didn’t list my involvement in VH1′s Top 20 Video Countdown or any of my time working on the I Love The 70′s, 80′s or 90′s series’, or even the R. Kelly Trapped In The Closet Special, but they did however note that I served as a Story Producer on Soapnet’s The Fashionista Diaries. Despite the correct documentation of my role in that production I was disheartened to see that I was listed as being involved in only two of the ten episodes, when in fact I served the same role throughout the duration of the series. I have no doubt that someone in IMDB-land will see fit to correct this error. Other than that, I’m quite pleased with being visible in yet another of the World Wide Netweb’s virtually countless avenues.
The most delightful part about this find was the encouraging sight of the StarMeter. According to this popularity-gaging instrument it would seem that my STARmeter reading has risen 121% in the past week. I have no idea why this is, but it is certainly an encouraging sign that things are headed in the right direction for me. Maybe if I move to Hollywood it will skyrocket 200%.
A Closer Look at My STARmeter
Actually, I think this STARmeter thing could be a great new strategy in convincing potential literary agents to take on any projects I pitch their way. All I’d have to say is, “look at my STARmeter…If that’s not enough to tell you this book will sell then I don’t know what is.”
In a related story Natalie Portman’s STARmeter is down 6% today. I think she needs to latch herself onto someone up and coming; someone whose star has recently risen more than 120%, otherwise her career could be in danger.
Now, of course I understand the issue of readers not wanting to receive the bigotry-fueled rants of hate mongers in their newspaper and I understand that the newspaper doesn’t want their paper afilliated with the Klan, but as long as the periodical can clear themselves of any wrongdoing, I find something inherently funny in the situation that occurred.
First let me state uniquivocally that I am no fan of racial intolerance, I think it’s society’s own version of the extremely rich, wicked great-great grandmother who makes you wait on her hand and foot and just won’t die, but you know when she finally does will leave her fortune to the cat. In other words, nothing good ever comes from either of them.
The thing that makes me laugh about the situation is that the dolts at the KKK are wasting their money and presumably valuable time they could be using to spread hate in aol chat rooms or stroking their Nazi paraphernalia to spread the most obvious message they could. “The Ku Klux Klan Does Not Endorse Barack Obama For President.” As if any person in Ada, Oklahoma was wondering if the KKK would be throwing their support behind the black guy or the white guy.
In times of Presidential Election it seems as though every media outlet has a poll. I wouldn’t exactly consider this here website a media outlet, though I am semi-technically Jewish…so I guess it officially qualifies as one. That being said, I have been discussing politics a lot lately, and I don’t necessarily trust CNN, CBS, Gallup, FoxNews or Quinnipiac University results because of that pesky “margin of error” thing. Therefore I figured should host my own Presidential Poll, because I think if there’s a truly diverse sample of Americans it’s the people who read this site. Also, WordPress just added the option of putting a poll on my blog, so I decided to make use of it.
This post is not about an actual food diet consisting of moose meat and six-packs. Over the last couple of weeks, the main target of my disdain has been Sarah Palin. The complete media saturation of the Vice Presidential nominee has started to weigh me down, filling me with anger towards the political process and an ever decreasing amount of faith in the American people. I know Barack Obama has begun to build a lead and for that I am thankful, but I am sick of the overflow of stories about how people feel about Ms. Palin.
The last straw was a CNN piece I saw today while at the gym interviewing actual hockey moms during the debate. The press is going at this from every absurdly obvious angle making it completely vomit-worthy. In any case, I’ve decided to go cold turkey on the GOP VP. For the next few days I will be steering clear of all media stories, discussion, photos, and even fun internet games involving the Alaska Governor in the hopes that my disposition will turn from damp and downtrodden to bright and sunny.
Seeing as I’m so attached to the internet and media it will be difficult, like keeping a ten year old away from a candy store in the mall or telling a cheetah he can’t eat any more wildebeast, but I will try my best. My best shot is by watching nothing but sports and movies and reading books, though I may accidentally be fed two to three servings of Palin a day, via news promos and commercials. I’m giving myself a pass for the 2nd debate on Tuesday, but we’ll see how it’s going by then, if I haven’t already given into binging on MSNBC, CNN, The Daily Show, and Colbert Report. Wish me luck. If it works out maybe I’ll end up writing a book as successful as the South Beach Diet.