Evan Kessler: Amateur Graphic Designer

Sometimes when an idea is living in your head you can’t help but have the need to render it a living, breathing thing. It’s that physical manifestation that makes it real–at least on paper. I’ve been batting around several creative ideas in my head the past few days that have brought about equal parts excitement and trepidation–ultimately deciding that one of them was in dire need of a logo. Rather than summon the assistance of my artistic friends, I chose to bring the vision out the way it was in my head, before anyone could get their greasy-yet-talented paws on it. Sure, someone will eventually have to revise it, as I used the crude downloadable tool known as “Paintbrush” to bring it to life. Luckily, the use of this primitive program didn’t fall prey to my shaky-handedness and came out about as good as it could have considering I was using the stone axe of the graphic design implements. I’m not going to go into details about the potential project now, as it’s a very tentative seedling implanted in the soil of my brain, but perhaps the water from my next shower will turn it into a sapling with strong roots. Plant-life metaphors aside, here’s the fruit of my branding and design labors. What do you think?

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• CrowdSourcing a corporate logo (theglobeandmail.com)

Brilliant Idea #807: The Sandwich Shop

I have a lot of brilliant ideas. Ask me some time, I’ll share some of them with you. The latest stroke of genius inspired by some form of secular divinity came about the other day as I was wandering the streets of Brooklyn trying to conjure up a clever name for my 2010 Fantasy Football league team.

Pop cultural references were being batted around my cranium, largely failing to adhere themselves to the center of my brain that derives pleasure from subtle and not-so-subtle wordplay. Somewhere in the flurry of politically incorrect sports references grew a gem of subtle hilarity not at all related to the sports world, instead referencing one of the more beloved televised cultural landmarks of the 1980′s- Miami Vice.

The name in question was Crockett & Subs.

Perfect Sandwich Pitchmen

Initially, I didn’t think of Crockett & Subs as anything beyond a great name for a fantasy football team, provided I could find a photo of Don Johnson eating a sandwich to use as my team logo; but the more I thought about it it became painfully obvious that Crockett & Subs might be the best name for a sandwich shop in the history of the world.

The success of this newly thought out culinary venture would depend on two things:

1) The finest quality ingredients

2) Location, Location, Location.

Now, the first part of that equation goes without saying. Who aspires to open an eatery with the lowest quality ingredients that isn’t opening a Taco Bell franchise? So really the only area left to focus is on the place of business. Now in order for Crockett & Subs to be a profitable business it would have to be located:

a) in Miami

b) Any town named Crockett in the USA

c) Universal Studios Theme Parks

Option b is quickly cut out of the equation because the irony and hilarity might be totally lost on someone living in a town like Crockett, TX. So clearly, in order to be appreciated to its fullest extend it must exist in either Miami or Universal Studios.

Universal Studios is less of an appealing option due to the fact that amusement park food is usually over-priced and is not really focused on quality and craftsmanship.

This leaves the final option of Miami as the most natural location for a Crockett & Subs location. Now, I’d be all for moving my operation down to Miami and starting up this fine business if there weren’t two glaring obstacles:

1) I don’t have the capital.

2) I consider the state of Florida to be the most god forsaken place on the planet Earth.

But who knows, if the right pieces come together and if I ever decide that getting my house blown over by a hurricane on a yearly basis isn’t so bad, I might just start this baby up.

Who knows? Maybe I’d even let Philip Michael Thomas work there, but only on the condition he’d let me call him “Subs” the entire time.